The D Files
by Atari Atagashi-Chan
Summary: Neji’s got a secret! He read Tenten’s diary! Tenten is now starting to get suspicious when she can’t seem to find the little book and the Hyuuga is acting differently. Just how long can Neji last without telling her? [NejixTenten] WARNING: Major oocness..
1. Neji finds a diary! Gasp!

A/N: Mehh...another Naruto fic.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto series!

* * *

Neji yawned. His clear eyes opened to find himself staring at the ceiling of his bedroom. He blinked, then covered his head with his pillow as his alarm sounded right on cue. Knowing it was time to wake up and go down to Gai and the others, he groaned and shut off his alarm. 

Getting out of bed and changing into his normal clothes, he opened the door and walked out into the kitchen. He opened the pantry and grabbed a bowl of cocoa puffs: something he didn't enjoy very much, but didn't mind nevertheless. He yawned once more and took his cereal and milk to his table and sat down. He chewed in silence, seeing as he lived alone and seeing as he was still more than halfway asleep.

His head nodded lightly, daring to fall into his cereal bowl and sleep, but something caught his eye.

Looking to the right, halfway awake now, he noticed Tenten's backpack sitting innocently on the stool right next to his front door.

'Oh yeah... I remember now. Tenten left that at the training grounds yesterday. I suppose I better return it today...' The Hyuuga gulped down the last of his cereal and put his dish in the sink. He walked out the door, grabbing Tenten's backpack on the way out.

"Damn sun..." Neji shielded his eyes from the morning's newly shining sun rays. He hated mornings. "Ugh... I can't stand today's fate..." He moaned, still half asleep. Not paying attention, he hadn't noticed something that sounded like Velcro ripping at Tenten's backpack until he heard the 'thud' of the objects within it. He stopped, surprised and newly-awake, and turned around to see what had happened.

Looking on the ground he saw many items. He noticed they were all from Tenten's backpack. "Ugh..." He knelt down to pick them up and put them back into the backpack which had opened. "Hair dryer. Nail polish, nail filer, eye liner..." Neji listed the things as he put them back in. "...ribbon, book, diary, hea-..." He stopped. "Diary...?" He put the small book aside and hastily piled everything else into Tenten's backpack.

He put the backpack back on and picked up Tenten's diary in his hands, eyeing it with great interest. "I shouldn't..." He sighed, walking slowly forward.

"Hey, Neji!" He heard the voice of Kiba say, as he wheeled by on his bike. Neji looked up and waved lightly, not looking where he was going.

"Woah!" The Hyuuga almost tripped but caught his balance by grabbing onto a street lamp before falling over. In the process, he happened to drop Tenten's diary. "Uh oh..." He shut his eyes tight. The diary's lock had cracked and it was laying on the floor wide open to a written page. Neji gulped and opened one eye, blushing slightly. "No, Neji! Don't!" He yelled at himself, but, being a young and 'healthy' boy (as they would say), he let his suspicion get the best of him. "Ah! Dammit Neji..." He told himself, picking it up and letting his eyes scan the entry in purple ink and fancy cursive:

_

* * *

Dear Diary:_

_Today was really fun! When I woke up, I was sort of depressed... I don't know why! But the second I got to the training grounds, I cheered up! Heh. You probably know why from the entries I've done before, but it was because I saw Neji-kun there! Yes, I know I'm being obsessive, but I suppose it's because I love him so much! Haha! I can't wait to show these diary entries to our kids! Wait until they see their mommy had been obsessed over their daddy her whole life! (lol!) Well, I guess I'm rambling again! OMG! I think Neji just looked at me! Omg! I'm blushing so hard right now on the inside! I just can't help it! I wish I could hug him... no wait. I wish he'd smile! Yeah. That'd be so nice! I'd LOVE it if Neji-kun smiled... oh well. I guess I'm fantasizing. Again! Oops! Gai-sensei just came! I gotta go! Ttyl!_

_Tenten_

* * *

"Neji?" The Hyuuga looked up with wide eyes. 

'Oh no...' He thought to himself. He had walked right into the training grounds and there was Lee and Gai and... Tenten. He immediately shoved the diary furiously into his pocket and looked up guiltily, hoping no one had noticed. "Uh... hey..." Neji spoke.

"Was that a book?" Lee cried happily, bounding up to his friend. Neji's eyes widened to the size of plates.

"Um... book? What book...?" He twitched.

"Ah! So your youthful soul has finally awakened to the full bloom of reading, Neji?" Gai beamed. Neji exhaled a sigh of relief.

"Sure," He said bluntly, trying to remain neutral and emotionless as usual. 'Good. It looks like Tenten hasn't noticed yet...'

"Hey, Neji! Is that my backpack?" Tenten asked, walking up him. He suddenly remembered he had Tenten's backpack on!

"Oh... yeah," He said, taking the small backpack off of him and giving it to Tenten. She smiled.

"Thanks! I thought I lost it or someone had stolen it! Thanks a bunch, Neji-kun!"

Suddenly, the words from the diary popped into his head. _I wish he would smile..._ 'Smile? Well... it's worth a shot..." Neji tried to smile, but it only came out as a half smirk, half something else. Tenten blinked.

"Neji... Are you okay...?" She asked, concernedly looking at his 'smile'. He stopped.

"Uh, yeah. Why?" He asked, hesitantly. 'Great going Neji!' He yelled sarcastically in his mind.

"Oh, erm... no reason!" She laughed nervously. "Uh, thanks for bringing my backpack to me, though!" Tenten said and rushed off as Gai summoned them. Neji followed.

"Alright, guys!" Gai struck a pose, his teeth gleaming. "Time to start today off with a little hard work to increase your youthfulness!" Lee's eyes sparkled, Tenten stared on, apparently not really comprehending, and Neji stood there, totally spacing out. "We will start off with 100 laps around Konoha! Then, target practice sounds good to me, then we'll practice chakra control, then, I suppose, you may have the last hour to yourselves! How does that sound?" Lee jumped for joy.

"Oh, Gai-sensei!" They hugged.

"How 'bout you two youthful beings?" Gai asked, pointing to Neji and Tenten.

"Uh... sure?" Tenten cocked an eyebrow, then looked to Neji, who still had his mind on the diary entry. "Ne...ji...?"

"WAKE UP, HYUUGA!" Gai yelled in Neji's ear, causing the Hyuuga to fall over backwards.

"Agh! Ow, dammit..." He muttered under his breath, looking up to the smirking jounin hovering above him.

"C'mon, Neji! Get on the ball!" Gai laughed and pulled him back up.

"Sorry..." Neji muttered again and made a mental note to read more of the diary tonight.

"Alright, team! Let's get to it!" Gai yelled, striking another pose. Lee squealed and copied his clone, Tenten sighed annoyedly and shook her head, while Neji started to space off again. Lee took off first around Konoha at the speed of light, Tenten was about to follow, when she noticed Neji wasn't moving.

"Neji?" She looked at him.

"Hn?" He looked up, surprised to see her staring at him. "Oh... coming..." He said and started jogging along beside her, all the while, that one diary entry repeating in his head.

The sun was setting and casting a warm yellowish/orangeish/pinkish glow over the village. Neji trudged home, exhausted from all the work they had done. Gai had said they could have the last hour to themselves, but they ended up going an hour overtime instead. Lee had stayed behind with Gai to do even more training, which Neji thought was absolutely ridiculous! And Tenten walked home with Neji, but had parted with him when she reached her house.

Walking in the door, he didn't bother to lock it and ran up to his room. Shutting the door, he took out the diary.

'Okay... she said she had written entries prior to the one I ACCIDENTALLY read... I know I shouldn't... but I gotta..' Neji opened the front cover to the first page and gazed upon slanted purple ink.

_

* * *

Dear Diary,_

_Neji was at practice today! Oh! You don't know Neji-kun! Weeeeell... I'll tell you about him. He's the BEST boy in the whole world! I can't stand how great he is! He has these really cool eyes that turn me on! (There're, like... clear!) And, well... if you haven't noticed, I've got a crush on him! I know, I know... I'm too young right? Well, I don't show it around him! I just love looking at him. That's enough for me. The only thing is, I've only known him for a little while, so I don't really understand him yet, but I have NEVER seen him smile! Wtf is up with that? (That's what I've been wondering for the longest time!) Have I told you about his luscious locks of pure dark brown strands? ZOMG! I wish he would grow it out a little more... then I could run my fingers through it when... well, you don't need to know! Haha... I'm blushing right now! And, I've saved the best part for last! I get to be in the same cell as him! Isn't that absolutely perfect? (I've already planned seven different ways I could "accidentally" fall into his arms!) Well, this has been a long entry and I'm getting tired... I'll tell you more tomorrow! G'night!_

_Tenten_

* * *

Neji stared at it. 

"Oh my God... when the fuck was this written?" He looked at the date. It was written 4 years ago. "Damn... girls like to write..." He glared at the book, then, incredibly, he smirked. "So, she's liked me for a long time now? Interesting... Let's look at tomorrows entry, shall we?" He talked to himself as he turned the page.

_

* * *

Dear Diary,_

_I loooooooooooove Neji! I'm terribly sorry, but I just HAD to say that! The best thing happened today! I tripped! Zomg! Isn't that great? Oh! Well, the reason that's great is because I fell... INTO Neji! Well... not into, into! But, it was sort of awkward at first, but I LOVED it! Oh, so much! I felt like I was in heaven! Okay... here's how it all happened: I was walking. Yes, walking. I saw Neji and got freaked out! I ran behind a tree and grabbed every weapon I had. I put them all in my arms and walked out in front of Neji. (I think he figured it was heavy for me, but, for some odd reason, my girlish charm didn't work on him and he didn't see me! Ugh...) Anyways... I was walking and I rushed over in front of Neji. You see, I was planning on acting like I couldn't see where I was going, but I accidentally tripped over a rock! Can you believe what great luck I had? Well, when I tripped, Neji, obviously, reacted immediately out of instinct and caught me. Only... I sort of slapped him... I swear I could help it! He, literally, caught me in the "wrong spot"... he grabbed my breasts. Yes... I said it. Breasts! I suppose it really wasn't his fault... but he GRABBED them! I mean... I had to do SOMETHING!_

* * *

Neji stared at it, blinking and blushing. His nose slightly dripped with blood. "...so...soft..." Was all he could mutter. He gulped and read on._

* * *

I sort of feel bad that I slapped him, but he did it on purpose! I know it! I mean, he IS a guy... Well, gotta close up for now. I'll update more either later or tomorrow!_

_Tenten_

* * *

The Hyuuga inhaled, then SLOWLY exhaled. "Tenten... I can't believe she wrote all this about me..." 

"Wrote all what about you?"

Neji's heart stopped. 'Oh... my... God... no...' He swallowed, clinging to the diary, but didn't dare turn around. He knew who was standing in his doorway right at this moment.

"Whatcha readin'?" Tenten's voice sounded as she pranced over to Neji and looked at the diary, which Neji quickly snagged and clung to, shielding it from her eyes.

"Nothing! Go away!" The Hyuuga snapped, leaving a surprised Tenten to ponder his strange actions.

"Neji-kun...?" Tenten blinked, looking him in the eyes now.

"What?" Neji practically yelled, throwing the diary into the open drawer of his dresser. Tenten drew back slightly.

"Neji. Are you okay? I mean, seriously?" She asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Fine!" Neji growled. "Now go away!"

"Hmph!" Tenten put her hands on her hips. "Look... I just came over to see if you happened to have seen my diary? The door was open, so I thought-"

"Diary? What diary? I haven't seen any diaries! What makes you think I've seen your diary?" Neji twitched slightly. Tenten looked at him oddly.

"Uh... okay?"

"Okay! Now be gone!" Neji got off the bed, literally pushed her out of his bedroom, closed the door, and slid to the carpet, sighing relievedly. "Damn my conscience. Damn it to hell..." He breathed, annoyedly.

"NEJI!" There was pounding on his bedroom door. "NEJI! OPEN UP!" He was actually having a hard time keeping the door shut.

"GO AWAY! I'M FINE AND I'VE NEVER SEEN A DIARY BEFORE IN MY LIFE!" Neji yelled, trying to complete this awkward moment. He waited. No banging? She must be gone. He opened his door a slit and peeked out.

No Tenten.

"Good..." Neji sighed and took out the diary again. "I gotta read more!" He opened to the page he had stopped on and found a surprise he did not expect.

_

* * *

Dear Diary,_

_I ran into that Uchiha today... I never knew he was so hott! I mean... it was so weird! All I ever think about is Neji-kun! But... Sasuke! Those onyx eyes... Zomg! He might be... hotter than Neji! AGH! NO! I'm so confused right now! I mean, I love Neji... but Uchiha Sasuke is pretty hott... I don't understand. Am I in love with Sasuke because of his incredible hottness? Well... I don't know. I guess I'll write more tomorrow._

_Tenten_

* * *

"Uchiha...?" Neji's eyes were wide. He pulled the diary closer. "It...can't...be... No... I'm misreading! I must be..." He read it all again. And again. Again. Again. Again! Again? "NOOO!" The Hyuuga stared at it, his right eye twitching. "It is... WHY? WHY UCHIHA SASUKE?" He yelled cursing out the diary, pointing and screaming at it. "What's so great about him? I'm in a clan too! What the fuck is wrong with her?" He quickly flipped the page and read on._

* * *

Dear Diary,_

_Okay! I've decided! I will write it and then close up for the night. Okay. Here it goes: I like Neji less than Sasuke. There. I said it. Now, I'm going to sleep! G'night!_

_Tenten_

* * *

A/N: Eh. Please pardon all the added rulers. I do believe I'm an added rulers whore, no? 


	2. Neji Goes Insane!

A/N: Nothing to report.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto Series... okay...?

* * *

Neji gaped as his heart sunk to the depths of hell. "Not... Uchiha..." He whimpered, and sat down on his bed. He suddenly got up determinedly and opened his window. 

"I HATE UCHIHA SASUKE!" He shouted with all his might.

Far off in the distance...

"Sasuke...? You all right?" Sakura questioned.

"Yeah, but I keep getting this strange feeling that someone hates me..."

Back at Neji's...

"Why Sasuke? It's always 'Sasuke this' and 'Sasuke that'. Why can't it be 'Neji this' and 'Neji that'?" He sat down on his bed and laid the diary open to the next page on his dresser.

"I am a man!" Neji stated solemnly and sat there. 'Don't look at the diary, Neji, don't look at the diary!'

Suddenly the door to his room burst open. It was Gai and Lee.

"NEJI! WE HEARD YOU WERE ACTING FUNNY!" Lee shouted as Gai struck a pose. Lee gasped. "Neji? Gai-sensei! Neji's not moving!" He shouted and fainted.

"Neji? OH! CUT DOWN IN HIS PRIME!" Gai yelled dramatically, then started to poke Neji with a stick. This got Neji angry. Very angry.

"GET THAT GODDAMN STICK AWAY FROM ME OR I WILL SHARPEN THE END OF IT WITH MY TEETH AND POKE YOU WITH IT!" He yelled with all his might. Gai and Lee stared at him. Neji glared back.

"Well, lookit the time! Gotta run!" Gai and Lee rushed away like beaten puppy dogs, leaving Neji to stare at his blank white wall.

"I. Hate. That. Wall." He growled separately between clenched teeth. Looking at the wall, all he saw was Sasuke. His eyes suddenly strayed back to the diary. "No. Bad boy. Stay away from the diary, Neji! Stay away..." He told himself, but his body was now violently shaking with the urge to read the diary. He couldn't take it anymore.

"AGH! DIARY!" He screamed in a high-pitched voice and ran to the diary. He furiously read it with wide eyes.

_

* * *

Dear Diary,_

_I said it before, but I really think I like Sasuke more than Neji! Zomg... I'm just really so screwed up right now. I guess maybe I should ask Sasuke who he likes... yeah. I'll do that, then update tonight! Right now, I've got practice. Gai-sensei is yelling at me to hurry up, so I gotta go... bye!_

_Tenten_

* * *

Ask him? Neji had never heard of Tenten asking Sasuke who he liked! Wtf? Looking at the next page, the writing was in red ink. Blood red ink. Not to mention the text must've been written with a lot of force, because there were several rips and holes in the page and the words were indented into three pages after that one. 'Damn... she must've been angry...' Neji thought, then read on..._

* * *

Here's a passage for you, youGoddamn peice ofDiary!_

_It's now later today, and I'm crying! He (That bastard, Sasuke) said he liked Sakura! Can you BELIEVE IT? HARUNO SAKURA? WTF IS WRONG THERE? Everything! Ugh... I'm just so utterly depressed right now... I hate Sasuke! It just makes me wanna STRANGLE him! Ugh! He's such a jerkishly annoying ass! And that's all I have to say!_

_TENTEN!_

* * *

"Uh..." Neji noticed he was suddenly smiling. He went to his window and opened it. 

"I LOVE YOU, UCHIHA SASUKE! THANK YOU!" He hollered with all his might.

Back in the Uchiha household...

'Hmm... I have the strange feeling someone likes me... a lot...' Sasuke thought as he put on his pajamas.

Back in Neji's room...

The Hyuuga had gotten out Hinata's DDR machine and was dancing with it, sucking, but he was doing it... (And getting immensely low scores...)

"Tenten is in love with me!" He sang out. This is why he liked having his own house alone! (Let's pretend he does...)

Neji soon settled down and got into his pj's. He then stayed up reading two more entries. They were both about Sasuke and how she hated him. They were long, three-page minimum entries about how 'Sasuke was a rejected whore with no one to love' or something else like 'Uchiha Clan Wannabe'. He smiled even wider and went to his window again, and opened it.

"I LOOOVE UCHIHA SASUKE BECAUSE HE IS THE GREATEST UNATTRACTION TO TENTEN IN THE WORLD! THANK YOU, OH GREAT ONE!" He hollered out the window. There was a pause. And then...

"SHUT UP, YOU GAY WAD! IT'S TWO AM!"

Neji paused, then slowly closed his window after yelling "SORRY!" and getting a potted plant thrown at his head.

He yawned and stretched out on his bed. "This should be good... Tenten's diary is all mine and no one knows it. Whence I finish reading the whole thing, I'll quietly slid it into Tenten's backpack one day when she's not looking and everything will be normal again... well... normal with a slight twist..." He smiled and fell asleep with the diary in his hand. One thing he had completely forgotten to do, was set his alarm clock to get up for training.

* * *

A/N: Sorry it was so short and all... (And so unromantic) But when it's early, I enjoy writing humor... and when it's daytime, I enjoy writing serious stories... so you can probably tell which ones of my stories I've written around what time... xp haha. Well... now it's 4:47 am and I'm REALLY tired... G'night! 


	3. Neji Takes a Dip in Sasuke's Pool

A/N: Meh.

Disclaimer: Me no own Naruto. Ug.

* * *

"Mmmm..." Neji hugged his drool-soaked pillow. He was deep in a dream about Tenten and him happily strolling down a path of flowers and rainbows. That made him happy. 

"OI! HYUUGA! WAKE UP!" He suddenly fell out of bed. The diary fell onto his head, leaving an angry Neji to ponder wtf was going on.

"Rrrrrgh.." Neji growled, rubbing his head and looked up to see Gai, Lee, and... and... zomg! And Tenten! His eyes shot open and he grabbed the diary, sliding it under his sheets as fast as a cheetah. He then tripped and fell over, landing smack-dab in Tenten's breasts. Gai and Lee stared.

"Wow..." Gai said, without a pose and covered Lee's eyes.

Neji sprung up and fell over backwards this time, hitting his head painfully on the corner of his sharp wooden dresser. He rolled onto his stomach, eyes wide, breathing hard. 'Oh...my...God... that didn't... just happen!' He cried in his mind.

"Neeeeeeejiiii..." Tenten's voice was heard along with the cracking of knuckles. It sounded sinister. Evil, almost. It was a sweet mocking voice. Oh God... She must be pissed!

* * *

'Pissed' was an understatement. Five seconds later, Neji was flying through the air, having been shot out his window by Tenten, in his pajama's and people were staring. (A/N: I still can't imagine that...) "Why me?" Neji screamed, as he flew. He suddenly noticed, to his horror, he was going down... at an angle. "NOOO!" He screamed, then landed in an ice cold pool of water after ripping right through someone's screen. 

He swam up gasping for air. 'Holy shit, this's cold!' He shivered in the water. He suddenly heard the sliding glass door to the house behind him open. He turned in the water and gazed upon Uchiha Sasuke in a bath robe.

They stared at each other for a full five minutes in complete silence.

"Neji... Why are you in my pool...?" Sasuke said slowly, still not moving.

There was another long pause as the wind blew by.

"Uh... I wanted to swim..." Neji stated.

"In my pool?" Sasuke asked. Neji just stared at him for a couple more minutes.

"Yeah," He finally said.

"Neji?"

"Yeah?"

"Get out of my pool."

"Oh... okay..."

Neji slowly climbed out of Sasuke's pool and walked out the screen door in soaking wet pajamas. Sasuke blinked, then went back into his house, completely irrelevant.

Walking back to his house, there were many people staring at him. Some recognized him as the 'flying pajama boy', so he ran the rest of the way home. He sighed, stopping outside his door. Opening it slowly, he stopped. Everything stopped.

"I just left Tenten's unguarded diary with Gai, Lee, and Tenten. I am an idiot," He said to himself, then rushed inside, only to find all three in his kitchen eating cereal. He stared at them.

"You're eating my cereal..." He stated, blinking twice. "Why are you guys even in my house?"

"Oh! Well, it's 1:00! We thought we'd come wake you up, sleeping beauty!" Gai stated happily. Neji's eyes strayed to the clock and he saw it. 1pm. He slapped his head remembering he forgot to set his alarm clock!

"Where were you anyways? You know you're wet, right?" Lee asked, looking at the Hyuuga suspiciously.

Neji stood there. "I was swimming in Sasuke's pool..."

Lee and Gai both spit out their cereal and started choking. Tenten, on the other hand, just stared at him with her spoon hanging halfway out of her mouth and her right eye twitching.

"You were..."

"Swimming."

"In Sasuke's pool?"

"Yeah."

"Uh... why do I keep thinking there's something wrong with that...?" Gai looked around.

"Because there is..." Neji stated sadly and dashed up the stairs to his room. Whence inside, he checked for the diary and found it safely untouched where he left it. He sighed happily and concluded that he was safe...for now. Tenten suddenly opened his door.

* * *

"Neji-kun... What are you doing...?" She asked as Neji replaced the covers over the diary. 

"Tenten," Neji suddenly made a conclusion.

"Uh... yeah?"

"There's something I need to tell you and it's not about your diary!" He stated.

"Uh... okay?" She looked oddly at him and he mentally smirked.

"Um... I... lo-...l...I...You...um... oh, crap!" He hit himself in the head.

"Neji...? Are you sure you're feeling okay? I mean... you've been acting a bit strangely..." Tenten walked towards him. He backed up and fell onto his bed. Tenten kept advancing on him.

"Ye-yeah...er... I..." She was too close to him now, so he laid flat back on his bed. Tenten smiled, giggled slightly, and placed both hands beside him onto his bed and leaned over him.

"Neji-kun..." She said in a sweet voice. "I like you too," She smiled and leaned in even closer, offering her lips to him. He gulped and moved in closer. Their lips were about to touch, but, of course, something just HAS to ruin this moment, so...

* * *


	4. Neji is GAY! not

A/N: Read...

Disclaimer: Don't own the Naruto series... (tch... mendokusee...)... go ahead and read... yatta...?

* * *

Their lips were close. Too close. When... 

"NEEEEEEEJIII'S IN LOOOOOOVE!" Lee and Gai cooed in sync from the doorway. Neji blushed wildly and pushed Tenten off of him.

'Dumb Neji! Bad Neji! STUPID Neji!' He said to himself in his head. Tenten just looked at him like he was a madman.

"Neji-kun...?" She cocked her head, making her look like a mouseish-puppy. Then, Neji did something stupid...

"Aw!" Neji said aloud, smiling. He suddenly shut up. 'I am such an idiot!' He banged his head on his bed repeatedly. "I didn't mean it! I swear it!" He yelled, tugging at his hair.

"It's official..." Lee said, staring on. "Neji's finally lost it..."

"Well, he _did_ swim in Sasuke's pool..." Gai said, also looking on. Tenten blinked.

"No!" Neji hadn't gone insane. It was only his conscience telling him that he's doing something he shouldn't. "ALL OF YOU, OUT!" He hollered. Lee, Gai, and Tenten stared at him for a moment, then slowly (very slowly) backed out in unison. Neji shut his bedroom door behind them and locked it, throwing the key out of his bedroom window and letting it land in the street below. He had just done the stupidest thing in his life: locking himself into his own bedroom with no way out except to jump out his tiny head-sized window.

* * *

"Neji-kun... you know you're locked in now, right...?" Neji spun around. 

'No... NOT HER!' He yelled in his mind, when he suddenly realized Tenten was still in the room. "Tenten? You're supposed to be out there!" He screamed in a high tone, pointing his index finger straight at the door angrily. She giggled.

"I know!" Smiling, she looked around his room. "You know... I've never really been in you're room for more than ten minutes. It's really sort of...er... lonely..." She said, sounding slightly unsure of herself. Neji twitched. Not just a slight twitch, but a BIG twitch. A full body twitch. Tenten stared at him.

"Nej-"

"I TOLD YOU! I DON'T HAVE YOUR DIARY!"

"What? I didn't-"

"I SWEAR I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR BURNING HATE FOR SASUKE UCHIHA!"

They both stopped. Neji ever so slowly raised his hand to his mouth.

"Um... what did you just say...?" Tenten looked at him, completely expressionless.

"I...uh..."

"How do you know I hate Sasuke...?" She eyed him, slightly angry.

"I...don't...um..." His mind wasn't even comprehending right anymore. "I...uh..."

"Neji...? Do you have my diary?"

Time stood still. Neji could've died.

"No," He stated, finally coming back to his clever Hyuuga senses. "When I was swimming in Sasuke's pool... he told me... you hated him..."

"Neji... are you hiding something...?"

"Hiding...? What do you mean... 'hiding'..." He twitched again.

"You're acting awfully suspicious, Neji-kun,"

"Suspicious... ahaha! What ever makes you think that?"

"I think..." She held and angry eye on him.

'Oh no... here it comes!' Neji screamed in his head. 'Wait... she's smiling...?'

"NEJI! YOU'RE SO ADORABLE!" She pounced on him. "I never knew you were gay!" She screamed fangirlishly.

"Ga- wait... WHAT?" Neji stared at her with his jaw open.

"You don't have to lie to me, Neji-kun! I bet you and Sasuke are in love and you went swimming _with_ him and he told you everything, didn't he?" Tenten giggled.

"No! I-"

"Ooooh! That's so incredibly adorable, Neji-kun!"

"But I didn't-!"

"It's okay silly! Go ahead! Say you're gay! It's fine!"

"No! I...rrrrgh..." He couldn't take it anymore and sighed a long and aggravated sigh. "Yes, Tenten. I... am gay."

"Aiiiiyaaaa!" Tenten squealed and hugged him. He mentally groaned. "Neji? Can I tell everyone?" She yipped.

"What? No!" Neji glared, blushing.

"Okay! Well... I'm gonna tell them anyway! G'bye!" She said, and slipped her slender frame out Neji's window.

"NO! WAAAAIT! I'M NOT GAY!" The Hyuuga rushed frantically to the window, but couldn't get out. Tenten was a girl. She had the curves in the right places to slip through. Neji was a boy. He did not.

Now... all he could do was wait until all of Konoha thought he was gay and when they come looking for him, he'd get out of his room and tell them he wasn't. But would they believe him? Probably not...

"DAMMIT!" He glared at the diary. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" He screamed, pointing at it. He sighed and sat down on his bed, realizing there was nothing he could do. Why was he so stupid?

"I guess I could read some more..." he told himself and opened the diary to where he left off.

* * *

A/N: Chyeapp. 


	5. Neji is Released: Sasuke has Metal Pants

A/N: I do believe that this is my favourite chapter in this entire fic.

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto!

_

* * *

Dear Diary,_

_I know I was REALLY angry for the past couple of days, but I'm over it. Oh, well. I guess it's back to obsessing over my Neji-kun! Omg! I'm so angry at Sakura and Ino! They're ALWAYS fighting each other! It really annoys me! And... I think it annoys Neji-kun too! (Yay!) I don't really know what else to write, so I guess I'll close up for the night! Toodlez!_

_Tenten_

* * *

Neji's door suddenly swung open and he looked up slowly from the diary. "Uh... Uchiha? I said I was sorry about the pool thing..." 

"Swim with me? I think not, Hyuuga!" He yelled. Neji stared at him.

"What?"

"You're gay. I'm not! Are we clear?"

"I'M NOT GAY! ZOMG! I simply told Tenten that so she'd get off my back about her dia-...er... diaaa...et. yeah. Diet. ahaha..." Neji laughed nervously.

"You...were about to say diary..." Sasuke said slowly. The Hyuuga gulped, then held out the diary. Sasuke took it from him. "Can... can I read it...? I've never read a girl's diary before..." Neji slowly nodded and Sasuke sat down. He flipped the page and they read the next page.

_

* * *

Dear Diary,_

_I noticed the greatest thing today! Neji's ass! I've found a new love for the kid! I'd prefer not to elaborate, but he has a really nice ass! (I'm sorry! But, he does! Much better than Uchiha's!) I luv Neji-kun! I can't wait to marry him. The only thing I don't like is how he feels me up! Okay. Today, we were doing special training on balance. I, eventually, lost my balance and fell. Neji caught me, for the second time, and grabbed my breasts. It. was. sick. (lol) Well... I bet he's doing it on purpose! Just because I'm a maiden! Ugh... oh well. That probably didn't make any sense to you, but oh well. I just had to write that... well, getting tired! Ttyl tomorrow!_

_Tenten_

* * *

Neji and Sasuke stared at it for a full five unneeded minutes, until they were both blushing harder than ever before. 

"I... never knew... female's thought like..." Sasuke gulped. "...that..."

"Yeah..." Neji stated, his mouth dry. Sasuke looked up at the Hyuuga and patted him on the back.

"I feel very sorry for you," He stated unchanged. They both blinked.

"Uh..." Neji stared

"I'm... never showing...any female... my ass..." Sasuke said slowly, eyes wide. Neji blushed.

"AND YOU'RE SAYING I DID? I'VE NEVER EVEN BEEN THAT EXPLICIT WITH TENTEN!" He screamed angrily.

"I'm just saying... I don't know... uh... I guess I'll go now... bye?" Sasuke got up unsuredly and walked away, leaving Neji to sit there with the diary. The Hyuuga got up and opened his window.

"I HATE UCHIHA SASUKE!" He yelled once more.

"I CAN HEAR YOU!" Sasuke yelled from below his window.

"GIVE ME MY KEYS!" Neji shouted down to the Uchiha.

"YOUR WHAT?" Sasuke looked up oddly at him.

"MY KEYS! TO MY BEDROOM DOOR! YOU LOCKED ME IN AGAIN!"

"OH! OKAY!" Sasuke soon found the keys and threw them up to Neji.

"THANK YOU!"

"I THOUGHT YOU HATED ME?"

"I DO!" And with that, Neji shut his window and unlocked his bedroom door. He ran outside, even though it was getting dark, and saw Sakura. He ran over to her.

"I'M NOT GAY!" He screamed at her. Sakura just looked at him.

"Uh... why would you be...?" Neji blinked. She didn't know? He smiled psychotically and rushed off to Tenten's.

He got there right after the sun had set completely and pounded on the doors. Tenten answered them in silk pajamas.

"What?" She said sleepily.

"You didn't tell them?"

"Wha-...? Tell who, what?"

"Everyone that I'm gay... remember?"

"Oh... I told Sasuke. He said he was going to pound the living daylights out of you... what happened? You look fine to me..."

Neji thought back to the awkward little meeting between them.

"Guess he lost interest..." He lied slowly.

"Oh... alright, well go back to your house, alright? It's 10pm..." Tenten started to shut the door.

"Wait!" Neji put his foot in the doorway and she stopped. "I'm not gay!" He yelled. She let go of the door.

"Wh-... what?"

"I'm. not. gay."

"Oh..."

"Yeah."

"Neji?"

"Yeah?"

"Go home..."

"Er...right..." Neji turned and ran home to his warm and comfortable bed. He slipped into it, feeling like an accomplished man, and set his alarm clock. Soon, he was off to sleep.

The next morning, he awoke to his alarm clock and did his usual routine. After getting dressed, eating, brushing his teeth and hair, and locking up, he set off to the training grounds. On the way, he happened to run into Sasuke, who was wearing iron pants. He stared, just like everyone else passing at the strange actions of the Uchiha boy.

"Sasuke... your pants are metal..." Neji greeted him.

"I know," Sasuke returned, bluntly.

"But, why?"

"Remember the diary entry last night?"

"Yeah?"

"Well... Sakura is in my cell..."

"Uh... so?"

"I told you I wasn't showing my ass to any female,"

They both stopped and stared at each other. Neji blinked, Sasuke glared.

"Um..." The Hyuuga started, but Sasuke turned and continued to walk off. People along the streets stopped everything to watch the metal-panted boy walk. It was a strange sight. Yes, indeed...

* * *

A/N: Eheh. 


	6. Neji Gets a Naughty Book

A/N: WOW! OVER FIFTY REVIEWS! OMG! THANK YOU! All your reviews make me wanna just burst out into tears of overflowing joy! XD er... yeah. Not really, but I LUV YOU ALL SO MUCH! THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING! Here's another chapter as a reward! (insert cheesy smile here)

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. AND I don't own the idea for the using Icha Icha Paradise in here. That ingenious idea completely belongs to MetalDragonFX. Thank you VERY much for letting me using it! (Check out MetalDragon's stories!)

* * *

Neji stood there for a while, just staring and comprehending. Well, until Tenten came up and hit him on the shoulder. He spun around and blushed, remembering the diary entry. 'Maybe I shoulda put on metal pants too...' Neji thunk. 

"Hey, Neji-kun! Whatcha starin' at?" She asked him chirpily.

"Huh...? Oh... Uchiha and his metal pants..."

Tenten stopped and looked at him.

"What... did you... just say...?" She choked, slightly disturbed.

"Sasuke is wearing metal pants. Don't go near him... he might have rabies..." Neji stated in bluntness, returning to his normal self suddenly and walked past her, praying she wasn't looking at his ass.

"Metal... pants...? Is that even possible...?" Tenten wondered to herself, and then ran off to join Neji on the way to the training grounds.

* * *

Whence there, they found out Gai was giving them the day off. Lee planned to get some more training in on his own and the two clones were gone, leaving Neji and Tenten on the training grounds. Tenten looked to the Hyuuga concernedly."Er... Neji? I need to talk to you... Got a second...?" She said, completely serious. He blushed, but nodded nevertheless. 

"What is it...?"

"Well... it's sort of weird, Neji-kun. I mean, it really a coincidence that my diary just happened to go missing right the day you had my backpack and that you've been acting all weird and everything?"

"C-... coincidence...?" Neji stuttered out.

"Yeah... is it?"

"Of course! Are you accusing me of stealing your diary? How could you?" Neji gaped at her. 'Okay... I really need to do something about this...' He thought desperately, then, suddenly an idea came to him. Tenten was about to respond, but was cut off.

"I gotta go!" He shouted and dashed off before she could complain. "Okay... gotta find that Kakashi... just where do they train again? Oh! Right!" He suddenly remembered and leapt into the trees so he could travel faster.

He soon spotted Konoha's famous copy nin and he stopped and jumped right into the middle of the training session they were having.

* * *

"KAKASHI! I NEED TO ASK YOU A QUESTION!" Neji yelled at the jounin. 

"Neji? What're you-" The pink haired kunoichi started to scream, but Kakashi calmly put his hand up for her to stop.

"What do you want, student to Gai..." He growled in a clear voice. The Hyuuga caught his breath for a second.

"I... need to know... where you bought... Icha Icha Paradise!" He panted. Sakura and Naruto both gaped incredulously. Iron-panted Sasuke got a disturbed look on his face. Kakashi stopped.

"What was that...?"

"Icha Icha Paradise. Where did you buy it?" Neji repeated. The jounin's eyes grew wide.

"Um... may I ask, why?" Kakashi said in a voice of disbelief.

"I just need it, okay?" Neji tried desperately.

"Well... er... at the shop on the end of Shuriken Street. Jiraiya owns it..." Kakashi added, a little awkwardly.

Neji twitched happily. "Hehehehehehehe..." He snickered sinisterly. Kakashi eyed him.

"Are you okay, Neji? Did that bastard, Gai, give you drugs...?" There wasa pause... and then...

"WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" Neji called out for the world to hear and ran off skipping and jumping, laughing hysterically as he went. He tripped twice and fell flat, but just simply continued laughing and jumped back up. Sasuke looked down at his iron pants.

"And I thought I was weird..." The Uchiha said to himself.

"Well... that just strikes it... Gai's been drugging his students. I always knew there was something strange about that Rock Lee..." Kakashi finalized.

* * *

Back with Neji... 

The strange twitching Hyuuga ran through Konoha like a madman, laughing hysterically and running into lamp posts.

Finally, he reached Jiraiya's shop. "JIRAIYA!" Neji yelled, crashing through the door, and having absolutely no respect for his elder. The ero-sennin looked up from his porno magazine and stared at the Hyuuga.

"Uh... yes?"

"I NEED ICHA ICHA PARADISE!" Neji screamed, running up and jumping over the counter and now grabbing Jiraiya, who pushed him off of him with a wide smile.

"Tsk, tsk, young one! Such a big book for little boy to read! You sure about that...?"

"YES! I NEED IT!"

Jiraiya stared at him. Neji stopped.

"WAIT, NO! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING!" The Hyuuga howled. "I DON'T WANT IT FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN COVERING FOR TENTEN'S DIARY!" He burst out, then covered his mouth. Jiraiya smiled wider than ever.

"A girls diary is in your possession? Oh! I completely understand!" He laughed and handed Neji one of the three-booked series. "Take it! On the house!"

"THANK YOU!" And with that, he rushed home like a bullet, and, miraculously, only hit 27 poles/trees/mailmentrucksinstead of the normal 148.

His ingenious plan flowed through his head. 'I'll just keep the book handy and if anyone comes up, I can just switch books! I can blame all my strange actions on it! Sure, they'll think I'm perverted and all, but I can live with that... right? Well... it's better than the rumor that I swam with Sasuke in his pool...' He turned out the light to his room and closed all the blinds and doors and cut every light source in his room off. He sat slowly onto his bed and, although you couldn't see it, a HUGE sinister smile spread across his face and he started to giggle in a low manly voice.

"Hehehehehehehehehehehehe..." He laughed. If there was anyone listening to him in the room at the time, they would've thought him insane. But, he wasn't insane!... right?

He turned all the lights back on, not knowing why the hell he turned them all off in the first place, and got out Tenten's diary.

"Let's see what entry is next..." Neji smirked, then it faded. 'And it better as hell not be about my ass...' He thought warningly.

He opened the diary to the page he left off on. He had bookmarked it with a happy face sticker in the top left hand corner. He knew Tenten wouldn't notice anything.

His eyes widened as he read. "What the-?"

* * *

A/N: Thanx again to MetalDragonFX! (I was working on this chapter when you posted your review and I couldn't think of anything, so I went to read reviews where I get my inspiration from and I saw yours and messaged you about it! You're brilliant! Thank you!) Sorry, all, for the semi-short chappie! Review please! 


	7. Neji Has a Cowlick

A/N: Eh.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto series!

* * *

His eyes were wide. Neji couldn't comprehend for a second, there. 'Did Tenten really write this...?' It was quite a simple entry! 

_Dear Diary,_

_Hello. I am Tenten. I love Neji and puppies and Neji's ass. Neji is cute. So are puppies. So... I love Neji like I love a puppy. Go puppies. I like slush puppies too. And slushies. Are they different? I loooooooooooove Neji! I wanna call him fuzzy-top... and he shall be my fuzzy-top. Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever..._

_Tenten (insert millions of hearts and 'x's and 'o's here)_

Neji stared at it. "Fuzzy-top...?" He choked, twitching slightly. "She's never called me..." He looked around to make sure no one was around, then whispered: "Fuzzy-top..." He ran to the mirror and took off his hitai-ate.

"No..." He said. "A cowlick?" He immediately licked his hand and tried to flatten it. "Phew..." He said as it stayed down. He started to turn around, but suddenly heard the unfamiliar sound of 'ping!' and snapped back to the mirror. The cowlick was back...

"NOOOOO! _THE _HYUUGA NEJI DOES NOT HAVE A COWLICK!" He screamed and ran to the store as fast as he could, holding the cowlick down with his hand.

"Hey, Nej-" Tenten and Sakura started to say as he dashed by, but was cut off.

"CAN'T TALK! I HAVE A COWLICK!" Neji screamed and sprinted off once more.

"A... cowlick...?" Sakura looked after him.

"Oh... I seem to remember a diary entry I wrote once when I was really happy about calling Neji 'fuzzy-top'...!" Tenten said, laughing. "I guess, after all these years, he finally noticed it..."

"All these years?"

"Yeah. Lookit him as a baby," Tenten pulled some naked-baby pictures of Neji out of her pocket and handed them to Sakura. She stared at them. There sat a happy full-grown baby, almost a toddler, with no hair, except for one GIANT curly strand of hair that stood on top of it's head sticking straight up. Yeah... that was biggest cowlick Sakura had ever seen.

"Hmm... I wonder... if it runs in the family..." Sakura thought. Tenten got a disturbed look on her face.

"Hiashi with a cowlick... hmm..."

* * *

Back to Neji... 

"MUST FIND HAIR GEL!" He dashed through Konoha asking every random person if they had hair gel. Finally, someone knew a store.

"...But, it's in the sand village..." A villager told Neji, who stared at him.

"CAN YOU NOT SEE I HAVE A COWLICK? I'M GOING!" With that, Neji jumped off to the Village Hidden in the Sand. It was very sandy there.

"I NEED HAIR GEL!" Neji screamed, running into the shop. Three people turned around and the Hyuuga stopped dead in his tracks. "Wow..."

There stood Gaara, Sasuke, and... Hinata! They were, apparently managing the shop.

"Don't say anything..." Sasuke warned in a death tone to match his death glare.

"And, you!" Neji yelled at Hinata. "Just what are you doing here?"

"I... I... rrrrgh..." Hinata suddenly started to growl. "I NEED MY HAIR GEL, DAMMIT! DO YOU NOT REALIZE HOW COMPLICATED MY HAIR ACTUALY IS? HOW ELSE WOULD I GET IT TO STICK OUT LIKE THIS?" She screamed. Everyone stared at her.

"Hi-... Hinata...?"

"WHAT?" She fumed.

"Never mind."

"And, you! What're you doing here?" Neji asked, completely forgetting about his cowlick.

"I'm surprised you don't know. Masashi didn't put much detail into your hair, unlike my peacocks 'fro," Sasuke stated bluntly. They all then looked to Gaara.

"And why are you here? You're hair isn't that special,"

"I live here," Gaara said in a tone to match his flat-face glare.

There was a pause. A five minute pause of staring at Gaara.

"Okay...?"

"Neji? Did you come in here screaming 'I need hair gel'?" Sasuke suddenly asked.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I have a cowlick."

With that comment, the trio, including Gaara, gasped and stealthily pulled out one GIANT bottle of hair gel. It was about the size of Neji's room.

"Here! Cowlicks are dangerous things!" They all yelled.

"Now... be sure to use one bottle per use. Okay?" Gaara said like an expert.

"Uh... are you telling me to dump that whole bottle of hair gel on my head at one time, or am I just really really stupid...?"

"Well... both actually... and here. We can help you."

Before Neji could say anything, Sasuke had whipped out three ladders and Gaara and Hinata and him were up them unscrewing the cap.

"Stand on the X," Gaara yelled down. Neji looked at the floor.

"There is no X..."

Gaara suddenly, out of no where, grabbed Lee and Gai and told them to be straight. The straightened out like boards and Gaara made an X out of them and climbed back up the ladder.

"Now there is..."

"You're telling me to stand on my teammate and my sensei... you know that?"

"Yeah."

"Um... okay..." Neji stood on Gai who beeped like a horn whenever Neji stepped on him. The Hyuuga suddenly got a sinister smile on his face and started jumping up and down on Gai and Lee, the X, like a trampoline. Gai beeped with every bounce and Lee whinnied. "WOOHOO! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THIS!" Neji beamed.

"COWLICK AWAY!" Gaara shouted and pushed the bottle down. Thick pink liquid goozed out in a quick rush, knocking Neji and Gai and Lee all the way back to Konoha.

"WOOSH!" Lee shouted happily.

"BEEBEE!" Gai beeped.

Neji just screamed. Screamed like hell until, finally, someone pulled him out of the stream of soaring liquid.

"AGH!"

"Calm down, Neji, it's me!" Tenten said. "Um... why were you in a waterfall of pink hair gel...?"

Suddenly the cow lick popped back up.

"AAAAARRRRRGH! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" He took out Icha Icha Paradise and started reading it. Why? Well... let's just say that he felt he needed to do something. Tenten's eyes got big.

"Ne...ji...? Is... that... what I... think it is...?"

Neji looked up and grinned smugly.

"Yes, Tenten. Yes it is," He went back to reading, giggling all the while. Tenten fell backwards and twitched like a bug. Shino came over and looked at Tenten.

"Oh! So that's where I left you, Sophilia!" He said happily and grabbed Tenten and took her away, apparently thinking she was one of his bugs. Neji stared for a moment, then went back to reading. He walked all the way home, completely ignoring his persistent cowlick.

* * *

By the time Neji got home, he was blushing bright red and his nose was dripping blood slightly. He gulped. "I-... I have to buy volume two..." He said stunedly. He closed it and ran up to his room. Laying Icha Icha Paradise down, he grabbed Tenten's diary and opened it. 

"Huh?" He suddenly noticed something that he didn't like. The dates were too far apart to be one after the other. He looked at the seam of the book and gasped. A page had been ripped out. Neji stared at it for a second, looking completely shocked. "No..." He closed the diary immediately and stood up and started to pace around his room, generating electricity on the carpet. He, then, had even more cowlicks. In fact, his whole head was a cowlick. "There's a page missing..." He pondered for a while more and soon, his newly insane mind hatched an idea.

"Alright! I'll use my awesome ninja skills to sneak into Tenten's house tonight at midnight and retrieve the lost page! Ingenious!" Neji laughed matter-of-factly. "Now, all I gotta do is wait until midnight!"

* * *

11:45 pm 

Neji was in his room. "Time to go." He said in a ninja-like tone. He was wearing a black-one piece suit covering everything but his eyes.

* * *

A/N: For you idiots out there, a cowlick is a piece of hair that won't stay flat. I got that idea from my dog. Thank-you, Shadow-kun! I luff my puppy-kins! (snuggles) Now! I'd like to ask you all a question that I meant to ask in chapter two, but kept putting it off: Where and/or how did you happen to find this story...? (Don't ask... I really wanna know, though!) Neways, thank you for reviews! And, remember, if you want another chapter, reviews make me want to update! So, REVIEW! 


	8. Neji Is A Perv: Sasuke Plays Yugioh

A/N: Eh.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto series!

* * *

Neji crept along in dark alleyways in his 'stereotypic' ninja costume. He saw the house! Her house! And smiled evilly. He slipped into the shadows and noticed all the lights were out. He smirked and went around back. He had never been around back before. 

'Hn...? Maybe this is the ninja costume doing this to my vision, but that pool looks awfully familiar...' He shrugged it off and went through the sliding glass door. There were decorations and hearts everywhere on it. He sighed 'That's so like Tenten...'

He had never been in Tenten's house before, so he didn't quite know where to go, so he tried the first hallway. Nope. But he did manage to find panties laying on the ground and he picked them up and stuck him in his pocket. That was what Icha Icha Paradise could do to a totally uncaring kid...

He tried the next hallway and suddenly stopped. There was a dim flickering light at the end of the hall. He caught his breath, and kept going.

He got to the light. 'All right... on three, look around the corner really quickly to see what she's doing... one...two...' He bit his lip. 'THREE!' He whipped his head around and got QUITE an unwanted and baffling surprise.

"SASUKE? WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN TENTEN'S HOUSE? AND-... is that... is that a... a _yugioh_ card...?" Neji stared at the Uchiha. He was sitting crisscrossed on the carpet of a completely empty room accept for posters of yugioh and collectors stuff, like yugioh figurines, pillows, carpet, candle? Yes... The Uchiha was, apparently, polishing his dueling skills sitting across from a dim yugioh candle. Sasuke dropped all his cards.

"Wha- HYUUGA? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?" Sasuke yelled, trying to hide his blue and brown silk bunny pajamas. No, not Happy Bunny. Peter Cottontail kinda bunny.

"Uh... this isn't Tenten's house?" Neji questioned.

"NO!" Sasuke screamed, frantically scrambling to pick up his precious cards.

"Oh... then... whose are these...?" The Hyuuga slowly pulled out the panties. Sasuke immediately stopped, a look of horror on his face.

"Um... Ita... chi's...?" He replied slowly, still not moving. Neji stared at him.

"Itachi... is your big brother... he's... a guy..." The Hyuuga confirmed.

"Oh... okay..." Sasuke said.

They stared at each other, Sasuke with his hand out to reach a card and head turned to Neji, but completely frozen, Neji, hands limply at his sides, stiffly stood in the doorway, staring at the horrid scene ahead of him. They were both thinking strange thoughts.

"Y... you're wearing... a strange outfit..." Sasuke looked at Neji's stereotypical suit.

"Um... I'm gonna go now..." The Hyuuga said quietly, sounding unsure.

"O...okay..." Sasuke said. Neji didn't waste another second and dashed out of the Uchiha's house, dropping the panties.

"Wait a minute! What the fuck was he doing with a yugioh deck and hearts and designs on his sliding glass window?" Neji yelled to himself as he ran to Tenten's. He soon found her house and, this time, made sure it was her house. He stood outside her window on the second floor. She was asleep on the inside. He gulped. "Alright... unit one, approach the weapon mistresses den," Neji said into his watch. "Copy, unit two.." Neji replied to himself. "Unit one out," "Copy. Unit two out..." He loved playing spy.

He jumped onto Tenten's windowsill, not realizing, like a normal windowsill, it was really slim. He fell, of course, and landed in a rose bush. It hurt.

"OW OW OW! ZOMG! SHUT UP, NEJI!" He screamed at himself. "TENTEN'S GONNA HEAR YOU!"

"Hn...?" Tenten looked sleepily out her window. "Hello...?"

'What do I do? Wait! I know!' Neji thought of an insane idea. "Hoo! Hoo! Hoooooo!" He yelled softly. Tenten sighed happily.

"Hello, mr owl! Sorry to disturb you!" She giggled and went inside. His plan had worked.

He leapt out of the rose bush whisper "Ow" the whole time repeatedly. He finally got over it and leapt up to the tree he had sitting in earlier outside Tenten's window. "Perfect..." Tenten was already asleep. (Wow...)

He leapt to the windowsill again, this time using chakra to attach his feet there. He gained his balance, then took out his laser-saw he got from ordering his 'super-kid-ultimate-ninja-spy-kit' and cut a clean circle to where he could slip through. Fortunately for him, there was no alarm system. He slipped in unnoticed and took out his 'mini-mister' spy flashlight and put it on 'low'.

"Hehehe..." He whisper-laughed to himself and started to search his love's room. Searching everywhere, he found something, but it wasn't the page. It wasn't even paper. It was fabric. (And I can guess you know what kind by now! (; ) Neji pulled the lingerie from the drawer and looked at the thong he had in his hand. "Wow..." He breathed. Apparently, Jiraiya's book (Icha Icha Paradise) was rubbing off on him. He'd have to remember to thank him for writing it later.

He soon stuffed five pairs of thongs into his backpack he had been carrying with him the whole time, and continued his search. He searched through countless things and found out quite a bit he didn't know about Tenten, like how she had the whole Dora The Explorer season one on DVD or how she played 'sexual trivia 2'.

"Oh, c'mon, Neji! Think! Think like a spy!" He told himself and thought for a moment. "Now... if I were a piece of crumbled up and probably stomped on paper, where would I be...?" A thought came to him. "Duh!" He ran over to her dresser and silently slipped the first drawer open. He saw nothing but a useless marble and sighed. "Okay... well, I'll try the next one..." He whispered and silently opened the second drawer.

Tears of happiness rolled down his face as he held up the piece of paper like it was his newborn baby. "I found you!" He cried. Suddenly, the light clicked on and he wished to be anywhere but here. Well... anywhere but back at Gaara's shop or back in Sasuke's pool.

He slowly turned around to face a VERY angry Tenten. "Neji..." She growled threateningly.

"Ahaha... hey, Tenten!" The Hyuuga smiled wildly as Naruto when he proclaimed he would become Hokage.

"What. Are. You. Doing. In. My. ROOM?" She shouted.

"Uh... nothing!" He said, quickly hiding the paper behind his back.

"Do you know what I went through today?" Neji just stared at her. "Well... Shino thought I was one of his bugs, and it took me a whole four hours my name wasn't Sophilia!" She screamed in hysterics.

"Well... you were twitching..."

"Ugh! You don't get out of my house, Neji, and I'll call the cops! And, not just ANY cops, but the specialized green-lotus devil duo from spandex world, Gai-sensei and Lee!" She threatened.

"What? Oh no! Not the specialized gre-... wait a minute... The specialized green-lotus devil duo from spandex world...? When did that happen...?"

"Didn't you hear? They were highered by police forces and now they're out to get the mentally insane," Neji gulped.

"Did you just say... mentally... in...sane...?"

"Yeah... of course, _you_ wouldn't have a problem with _that_, ne, Neji-_kun_?"

Neji licked his lips and twitched.

"Or course not! Oh! I'd better get going! Bye!" He jumped out the window and landed in the same rose bush as before. "OW! NOT AGAIN!" Tenten suddenly realized something.

"Hey, Mr. Owl!" She yelled down to him. "How many licks does it take to get to the center of the tootsie roll pop?"

Neji grunted and blushed, scrambling out of the rose bush. He had so many scratches, Naruto was gonna think he had copied his whiskers.

He then rushed home as fast as he could put the entry aside to read tomorrow morning. He set his alarm clock and went to sleep.

* * *

In the morning... 

"Hmm..." Tenten wondered aloud while trying to get dressed. "Am I running out of underwear...?"

* * *

A/N: Um! That sexual trivia 2 game? That's real. My parents own number one and two from their teenage years... and... well, my sister, Sora no Hairo Yuki (username on this site) and I played it! XD haha! "He had the only two in the world..." (Talking about Adam .from adam and eve.) Review please! (OH! And sorry, yugioh fans, if I insulted you in away way! XD lol) 


	9. Neji Gets Plastic Sugery

A/N: Hey! Sorry I haven't updated in a while! (Not like it's been a long while, but one whole day is quite a while for this story! XD) I got a job! Woohoo! (I'm 14) So, yeah. That's why I haven't updated... but, here ya go! Chapter... um... 9? (I forget!) Warning: Major awkwardness and disturbing things in this chappie! Read at your own risk!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto!

* * *

Neji awoke that morning earlier than usual to look at the diary entry that was ripped out. He uncrumbled the crumpled paper and read it with much difficulty. The words were smudged and there were many crossed out and scribbled-on words. He tried to decipher them best he could. 

_Dear Diary,_

_I was watching Dora The Explorer today (my favorite show) and I noticed something out of the ordinary! Neji looks exactly like Dora!_

He stopped and read that over again. "I... look... like Dora...?" He blinked, unsure and looked down at his chest. He sighed with relief. "Thank-God..." and continued.

_Now, every time I look at her, I think of Neji-kun! Omg! Then... I start to get angry. Why, you ask? Because... he's not a girl._

The Hyuuga stopped again. "She... wants me... to be... a girl...?" He twitched and gulped. Putting the paper down without reading any further, he stood up determinedly. "I can do that!" He said, thrusting a fist in the air. Then, without finishing reading the entry, he zipped out the door and down to the plastic surgery hospital.

"I need breasts!" He screamed at the woman at the front desk. She stared at him and blinked twice.

"Um... do you have an appointment...?"

"Nani?" He twitched. "Appointment?"

"Hai. To have that done to yourself you need a parent signature and an appointment,"

"But... Tenten wants me to be a girl..."

"Matte... You have a girl that wants you to be a girl for her?" Neji stared at her and nodded as she suddenly smiled. "Right this way!" She giggled and led him to an operating room.

"Lay down here, please! The doctor will be right with you!" With that, she left Neji laying on a cold metal plate. He shivered, but waited nonetheless. Soon, the doctor came in.

* * *

"WHERE'S HYUUGA?" Gai shouted annoyedly, seeing as Neji was late for class. Lee shrugged. 

"I dunno, Gai-sensei..."

"Maybe... maybe we'd better go and wake him up again. He is an hour late..." Tenten suggested.

"Good idea!" With that, Lee, Gai, and Tenten all got up.

"Wait! I'm here!" Came Neji's voice from the bushes.

"Oh! Neji-kun! You're... he...re..." They all stared at him, jaws at their knees.

Neji stood there with giant boobs, lipstick, hair down, hitai-ate off, curse mark gone (with makeup), eyeliner, elongated eyelashes, earrings, fake nails, and nail polish. He was also wearing a dress similar to Sakura's.

"Neji... is that you...?" Lee gulped. Neji ignored him, blushing red hot under the makeup he perfectly applied.

"Tenten-chan... how are you...?" Neji cooed in a soft voice, using his 'girlish' charm. Tenten twitched and fell over backwards. Lee started poking her with a stick.

"Um... she's unconscious..."

"Hyuuga! Wtf is wrong with you?" Gai hypocritically yelled. Neji blushed.

"I-... nothing..." He whispered, looking sadly at Tenten. Lee stopped poking Tenten and came over to Neji. He stared at his breasts.

Then, he started poking them. Neji, out of his new girlish instinct, slapped him and stomped on his foot with his red high-heels.

"How DARE you!" He screamed in a high-pitched voice.

* * *

"There's something wrong with Neji..." Sasuke said to himself during training. Kakashi and Sakura looked at him. 

"Yeah... Tenten was telling me all about it yesterday. She said he was acting different," Sakura pondered aloud.

"Different? Ha. He asked where to by Icha Icha Paradise!" Kakashi said, hugging his book. "Different doesn't even begin to cover it!"

"Maybe we should go over to see Gai's team for a second... you know, check on Neji's insanity level...?" Naruto suggested. Kakashi, Sakura, and Sasuke nodded and with that, they were off.

* * *

"Did... did you hear that?" Sakura asked, as they approached the training grounds. 

"Yeah... it sounded like a girls scream... but Tenten doesn't scream like that, does she?" Naruto asked.

"Not that I know of..."

"Well... let's check. We're here," Kakashi pulled back the fronds of a bush and looked in, as did Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke. They all stopped.

"GIVE ME BACK MY BRA!" Neji shouted, running strictly after Lee. Gai was standing in the background, still in shock, and Tenten was lying on the ground, out-cold.

"NEJI'S A GIRL! NEJI'S A GIRL! NEJI'S A FUCKIN' GIRL!" Lee shouted excitedly.

"NEJI?" Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto screamed at once and sprung out. Kakashi walked over to Gai.

"Oi... Gai?" Hello...?" The copy nin waved his hand in front of Gai's face, who snapped out of it and grabbed Kakashi, shaking him violently.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY STUDENT, HATAKE?" He screamed, clearly loosing it.

"Uh... I was just about to ask you that!" Kakashi said, his voice wavering with the shaking. Gai stared at him. "Gai-san... are you... are you... are you drugging your students?"

Gai threw himself backwards dramatically and there was a dramatic water scene involving tears and a big rock.

"DRUGGING? WHO TOLD YOU THAT?" He yelled. Kakashi shrugged.

"Well... no one... but, ya know... Neji's a girl... and... that's not normal..." He said bluntly, blinking twice. Gai stared at him.

"I know..." He blinked.

"NEJI! WTF HAPPENED! YOU GOT BREASTS!" Naruto shouted, pointing directly at Neji's boobs.

"I know..." He said.

"But... but, _WHY_?" Naruto shouted back. Neji sighed.

"Only Uchiha will understand this: It was written..." Naruto and Sakura stared at him and Sasuke coughed violently.

"You mean... in her..."

"Yeah..."

"And you... you went through with it...? YOU FOLLOWED AN ENTRY?" Sasuke screamed, shaking a fist at him. Naruto was blushing.

"N-Neji-kun? You-you look k-kinda c-cute as a... a girl..." The kyuubi stuttered.

"Kakashi? Have you been drugging _your_ students?" Gai asked, staring at Naruto.

"I... I didn't _think_ I was..." The copy nin blinked.

"WHY CAN'T EVERYONE JUST ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM?" Neji shouted and started crying dramatically. "Boo hoo! BOO HOO!"

"Um... I think we're gonna go now..." Kakashi stated. It was getting to be a bit too 'disturbingly insane' for him. He leapt from the clearing as did Naruto and Sakura. Sasuke stayed.

"Hey, Neji? Why don't we go take a look at that entry..." He said, blinking. He was the only one who knew Neji had Tenten's diary.

"O...okay..." The Hyuuga sounded melodramatic. They walked back to Neji's house.

* * *

"YOU'RE THE BIGGEST IDIOT ON THE PLANET!" Sasuke shouted after reading the FULL diary entry. Neji was crying. This time, for real. 

"I DIDN'T KNOW! I DIDN'T READ THE WHOLE THING!" He shouted between sobs.

Here's what the rest of the entry said...

_Haha! Wouldn't you hate it if Neji was a girl, though? I know I'd be scared! Um...I can actually sort of imagine him with boobs though..._

She had sketched a little chibi of Neji with GIANT breasts. Neji had looked at his chest. "They're not _that_ big..." He had whispered to himself.

_HAHAHA! OMG! Lookit that little chibi! Haha! That's what Neji'd look like with boobs! Hehe! I hope that never happens! (Not that there would be any chance of that!)_

Neji had laughed mockingly at that comment in his mind.

_Well... time to close up! Oh! And I'm ripping this page out so that, if anyone ever finds this, they'll never know these written thoughts! Sayonara!_

_Tenten_

"WELL? CAN YOU GET IT REVERSED?" Sasuke screamed.

"I DON'T KNOOOOW!" Neji shouted back. The door swung open.

"Hey, Neji! I just wanted to give you-... who the fuck are you and what have you done wit Neji?" It was Hiashi.

"WHAT? NOOO! HIASHI-SAMA! IT'S ME! MEEE! HYUUGA NEJI!" He shouted in vain. Hiashi blinked.

"But... you have..."

"WE KNOW!" Sasuke and Neji shouted together.

"Right... um... you know what? I'll come back later..." Hiashi said and turned around in shock. Shutting the door, you could hear him laughing hysterically as he walked.

"Neji?"

"Yeah...?"

"I think this diary is doing some 'things' to you..." Sasuke said.

"It's Icha Icha Paradise! I swear!" Neji screamed.

"Neji?"

"What?"

"Let's go to the surgeon..."

"Um... okay..." Neji stated and they got up and went back to the plastic surgery hospital.

* * *

A/N: XXXD Well... um... Actually, at first, I had NO idea of what to write about... so I just went along with something from Dora The Explorer (which I was watching at the moment... seriously. I was...) And, well... that's how this chapter came out... awkward, ne?  
Side Note: "He blinked, unsure and looked down at his chest" That meant he was checking for breasts... (see top of story)  
SEE YOU IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! XXD REVIEW PLEASE! 


	10. Neji And Tenten Get A Job

A/N: Eh...nothing to write here.

Disclaimer: Don't own it... but I want to...

* * *

Neji awoke the next morning, back to his normal self, and sat up in bed. He shot the diary a depressed look and fell back onto his pillow. 

'Maybe I should give it back to her...' He thought sadly. 'I've been causing so much trouble for her...'

He pulled the diary off the table without getting up and opened it, holding it above him to read the next entry.

_Dear diary,_

_Neji-kun wasn't at training today... I felt so sad... I felt... almost as if I didn't want to exist. It was... strange. I wish I could tell him how I feel... but I know he'd never accept me. I can't stand him never noticing me and always acting so blunt-like... it really hurts inside..._

_Tenten_

Neji blinked and sighed, putting the diary back on the table.

"Tenten..." He whispered to himself softly.

Later on that day...

Neji arrived at the training ground slightly early to do some things. He had decided that today would be the day he told her that he loved her. He exhaled shakily and looked around him. No Tenten... yet.

"Let's see... she always steps right here... so if I put a rock there, she'll trip. I always stand right here, so I'll have to adjust myself accordingly if this is going to work..." The Hyuuga put a small rock in the place where Tenten's right foot, he just happened to notice, always stepped before entering. "Perfect... She'll fall right into my arms..." He smiled happily and adjusted himself to the perfect spot and waited.

* * *

Soon... along came Tenten. She was humming happily to herself as she walked Konoha's paths up to the grounds. 

'All right, Neji! This is it! You're big break! Now... all you gotta do is say it! Aishteru, Tenten! Yeah... Then... I'll describe _why_ I said 'I love you'... because...matte. OMG! WHY DO I LOVE HER?' He started to panic and leapt behind a bush. 'Think, Hyuuga, think!' He tormented himself in his mind. Suddenly, it came to him as if Lee had just successfully opened all seven gates and hit him with everything he had. (A/N: Damn, that would hurt!)

"THAT'S IT! I don't need to tell her why! I don't even need to say it yet! I have the perfect plot!" Neji leapt out of the bush, half-blunt-like as Tenten walked up.

"Ano sa, Tenten-chan!" Neji called out cheerily, putting on his 'charm'.

"Oh!... Ohayo, Neji-kun!" Tenten said sleepily. It was really early.

"Tenten-chan! Do you have a job, yet?"

She blinked.

"Uh... job?"

"Yeah, you know! A job that you work at?"

"Uh... no. Why would I?"

"Because... because... um... Tenten? Can I ask you a favor...?"

She eyed him suspiciously.

"Er... depends on what it is, Neji-kun... oh, and by the way... thanks for getting rid of the breasts..."

Neji blushed bright red.

"Uh... ahaha... yeah..."

The both stood in silence for a moment, not daring to meet each others gaze.

"Um... anywho... about that favor..."

"What is it?"

"It's... it's... um... well, I was thinking of getting a job and they have two openings for two thirteen year-olds and, well, I don't really wanna do it by myself... think you can help out...?" He said as shyly as a Hyuuga could get. (Not Hinata shy! Like... um... Hanabi shy...?)

"Neji-kun...what kind of job?" Tenten smiled happily. She looked pretty in the morning sun. Neji blushed and smiled back. At least he knew she was taking it into consideration.

"Well... it's a veterinary clinic... they need two young and strong employees that have a lot of stamina. And... you're a lot like that, so I thought-..."

"Oh, domo, Neji-kuuuun!" Tenten squealed, excitedly and hugged him friendlily. "Actually... My parents have been bugging me to get to work now... and it'd be great to do it with someone I know! Hey! Why don't we go down right now and sign up? You know how I love animals!"

Neji broadened his wide smile into a giant grin.

"Yatta!" He snickered happily.

With that, they left for the vet's, after leaving a note for Gai and Lee to know where they were today.

* * *

"May we have the job, sir?" Tenten asked politely at the front desk when they got there. The man rubbed his pointy beard. 

"Well... I suppose so..."

"Yatta!" Neji and Tenten high-fived each other.

"When can you start?"

They looked at each other and exchanged glances. The day was still young.

"Right now!" They said together.

"Well... actually, that'd be a big help. Alright, then. I'm going to put you two into the hands of our doggie caretaker, Anko. ANKO-CHAN? COME HERE!"

"Anko...?" Neji and Tenten looked at each other until Anko burst through the door with a hose and dog fur everywhere on her.

"Eh? Oh... Ohayo, Neji-kun, Tenten-chan..." She panted. "Working here now?"

"Yeah..."

"Okay, Anko! I'm leaving them in your hands!" The man at the front commanded and Anko abided.

"Yosh. Okay... let's go you two! Hup to it!" She yelled and marched back into the back rooms for 'employees only'.

"Alright. Your first mission. Groom this grate dane," Anko said, handing Neji a leash and opening the door on a kennel. One GIANT humongous great dane bounded out and jumped on Neji, knocking him down and knocking the breath out of him. The dog licked Neji everywhere and the Hyuuga was not pleased. Tenten took control of the leash and pulled the dog off of him.

"Okay, Anko-sensei! How do we groom it?"

"It? It's not an it! It's a she! And her name is Isabella. She's really sweet. Now... all you have to do is somehow lift her up into that giant sink latched onto the wall and use highlighted shampoo for a glossy coat. Procedure: One. Wet dog with luke-warm water. Two. Shampoo thoroughly. Three. Rinse off as much as you can and it is VERY important not to let any soap stay on the dog! Four. Dry the dog by lifting her again onto this platform and using the pressure dryer for a fluffier coat. Whence that's done, take her out for a bathroom break, and then put her back in her kennel. Understood?"

Neji and Tenten nodded.

"Good! Now get to work!"

"Matte! Anko-sensei... you're not gonna help or supervise or anything?" Tenten asked. Anko smirked.

"Nope. You're completely on your own. Figure it out! See ya!" She then disappeared to the front and was not seen again. The grate dane, Isabella, soon found a way to break loose from Neji and Tenten's grip and ran rapid in the grooming room, knocking down everything Anko had set up for them. The duo stared, stupefied.

"Um..."

Neji sighed.

"This is gonna be harder than I thought..."

"Well... while you catch that dog... I'll clean and organize the grooming supplies... and try to find the correct shampoo, kay?" Neji nodded and went after Isabella. Tenten started on the supplies.

"Hm... okay... I think I found the shampoo we're supposed to use..." She said, reading the bottle that said 'highlights'. She put it down, turning away to clean up the mess. When she put it down, her thumb was lifted from the word 'blue' in front of the word 'highlights'. The bottle fully read: 'Blue Highlights. Best seen in the light. Paint your dog now!' Little did they know, their job was soon going to be hell...

* * *

A/N: Um... wow...not even a slight hint of ACTUAL fluff in here... or comedy! Okay! Well, neways... I just sort of had to make a serious chapter... I'm sorry. I was getting too random, and I don't want this story to turn out like one of my other extremely random fics. I actually want this one to have a plot, so I had to get myself back on track. AND! That job... is what I just got employed in. I'm studying under a vet now (like it says) and I'm loving it! Woohoo! Well...er... REVIEW! Arigato(u)! Ja ne! 


	11. Neji And Tenten Are Fired

A/N: Zomg... I MADE IT TO 150 REVIEWS IN LESS THAN A FULL WEEK! IS THAT RIGHTCHEOUS, OR IS THAT RIGHTCHEOUS? THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH I LUFF YOU! Hehe... lol! Oh! And, for those who don't know, Zomg... as my sis told me, the 'z' just sort of makes it, like, an emphasis type thing... XD Warning: This chapter has slight fluff! Yay for fluffiness!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto!

* * *

Neji was still scrambling with Isabella. Tenten had cleaned up all the supplies about ten minutes ago and was now watching the Hyuuga pathetically trying to catch the great dane. 

"BYAKUGAN!" Neji screamed as he activated it and started to chase after the dog some more. Tenten sighed. She couldn't bare to torture him anymore.

"Isabella! Will you sit for auntie Tenten, please?" Tenten said in a sweet voice. The great dane stopped in mid-run and sat down, panting like an idiot. Neji slammed right into the dogs back.

"AGH! WHAT THE HELL?" He cried, falling backwards. Tenten giggled.

"Okay, Neji... how're we gonna get the dog into the bath? It's at least to feet off the ground... And... we can't really lift a full grown grate dane..."

Neji thought for a moment in silence.

"Jutsu's...?"

"NEJI! WE ARE _NOT_ USING A JUTSU ON A DOG!" Tenten screamed.

"Oh, really? Okay... you have a better idea...?" Neji looked up to her. She stopped.

"Are you kidding me? Ha! So... what jutsu should we use?" She laughed nervously. The Hyuuga got the 'flat-face' look and sighed.

"Whatever happened to not using a jutsu?"

"Well... you have a better idea?"

"...that was my idea..."

"...oh yeah... right..."

They stood there, looking at each other for a minute.

"On second thought... let's at least try to lift it once," Tenten said.

"Lift... it...?"

"HER!" They heard Anko call from the front.

"Right...er... lift... her?" Neji corrected himself.

"Yeah. C'mon, Neji-kun! This could be a challenge!"

The Hyuuga couldn't stand her cuteness anymore and caved in.

"Alright... we'll try..."

"Okay! You get the butt and I'll get the chest!" Tenten said happily and pranced over to the dog.

"Wait just one minute! Why do I get the butt?" The Hyuuga whined.

"You want the chest...?"

Neji blinked.

"The butts fine...on second thought..."

They both got into position, Isabella sitting there, panting stupidly all the while.

"SAN!" They said together, skipping the numbers one and two, and tried to lift the dog. They couldn't even get it off the ground.

"Um... again?"

"Okay..."

"Ichi... N-"

"Matte!" Neji interrupted.

"Nani?" Tenten let go of the chest of the dog.

"I have an idea!" Neji exclaimed, like it was the first time that had ever happened.

"What is it?"

"We can put a ramp up to the basin and let it...er... HER walk up it! Then we can worry about getting it out later!"

Tenten was a little skeptical at first, but shrugged.

"Okay, but what the heck can we possibly use for a ramp? It _is_ a great dane, Neji-kun!"

"Well... um..."

"I know!"

"Um... yeah?"

"We can use you!"

"...me...?"

"Yeah! Here! All you gotta do is straighten yourself out like a board and lay slanting up to the tub! He can climb on your back!"

"WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?" Neji screamed imagining disaster.

"Go ahead! Do it for me, Neji-kun?"

He gulped. She was using the type of innocence Naruto used in his harem jutsu.

"Fine, but only because you told me to! Not because I want to..."

"Oh, goodie!" She squealed as Neji got into 'board form' and laid himself to where he was a slanted platform leading into the tub. Tenten took the leash and led Isabella over to Neji.

"C'mon, Isabella! Don't be scared! It's just Neji in the form of a board! All you have to do is climb up his back!" Isabella barked happily for some reason and dashed up Neji's back, leaving indented doggie prints everywhere. Neji collapsed to the ground, in need of air.

"Holy Shi-..." He jumped up. "INU NO BAKA!" He shouted angrily, pointing to the dog. Suddenly, he felt something wet on his head. He reached up and got the feeling of a giant goober the dog must've drooled when he was climbing. Neji shivered in a grossed out way and screamed bloody murder. Tenten looked at him curiously, then pecked him slightly on the lips. He stopped immediately and stared at her, jaw at his knees.

"T-... Ten... Tenten?" He stuttered happily. She smiled at him.

"C'mon! We gotta wash this dog! Hold out your hand," He did and she squirted a handful of blue shampoo into his hand. It was slimy and oozed everywhere, so he held it over the tub. "Anko-sensei said to wet the dog with lukewarm water first, right?" She asked, looking in his direction. He nodded and she tested the water. Pointing the nozzle at Neji, she sprayed him.

"Agh! What was that for?" He asked, rising his voice slightly.

"Is it lukewarm, Neji-kun?" She giggled, as he squirked out his hair with the hand that didn't have the shampoo dripping from it.

"Hai..." He said quietly, blushing. She smiled and wet Isabella down.

"Okay, Neji! Now... you scrub the dog while I get some more shampoo!" Tenten ordered and walked out the door to the front, leaving Neji alone with the slobbering idiot (that slobbering idiot is the dog... not Neji...)

"Well... here it goes!" He said and started applying the shampoo.

About seven minutes later, Tenten came back in.

"Ohayo, Neji-ku- DEAR KAMI-SAMA, WHAT DID YOU DO?" She shouted, dropping the bottle of new shampoo she had in her hand.

Neji was frantically scrubbing the dog over and over and over again. The dog... was completely blue.

"I... I... I DON'T KNOW!"

"Uh oh..." Tenten looked at the bottle of shampoo he had used. "Neji-kun...?"

"Yeah...?"

"This is highlighter_... blue _highlighter..."

Neji looked back and forth from the dog, the bottle, and Tenten, his mouth wide open.

"But... but... BUT! AAAH! ANKO-SENSEI'S GONNA KILL US!" He screamed.

"Who did you just say is gonna kill you?" An annoyed voice sounded from the doorway as Neji and Tenten spun around to see a twitching Anko standing there. They gulped.

"Uh... ahaha... Ano sa, Anko-sensei... ehehehe..." Neji said, his voice shaking slightly. Anko cracked her knuckles.

"Tell me, Hyuuga... why is Isabella blue?"

He gaped.

"Blue? Ahaha! Anko-sensei! You must've gone color blind! She's brown, just as always!" Neji stuttered. Anko's look lightened slightly.

"Oh... well, you must be color blind, because Isabella was yellow,"

Bang. It hit him like the kyuubi's paw. 'I'm doomed...' He said in his mind. 'And I thought maybe I could get Tenten's t-shirt wet...' He thought sadly.

The only thing heard from outside the building before Neji and Tenten flew out the front door was: "YOU'RE FIRED!"

Surprisingly enough, Tenten caught Neji.

"Neji-kun... I think we sort of failed..."

"Yeah... I wonder if we still get paid..."

She looked at him and he looked at her. And then, she dropped him.

"Baka..." She growled angrily.

"Ugh..." Neji lay on the ground for a little while as Tenten headed to Gai and Lee.

* * *

"I think Tenten's mad..." He thought to himself. "Hmm... I wonder if there's anything about her not liking money-obsessed guys in her diary..." He muttered and got up. 

After getting settled into his room without having any dinner later that night, he opened the diary once more to find a shocking surprise.

"Nani?" He exclaimed as his eyes widened. Sure, it wasn't anything about money-obsessed guys, but it sure was a shocker for the record books.

* * *

A/N: I can picture Anko being a dog trainer or something like that... I dunno why... XD hehe. Sorry for the short chapters lately! Review, please! Thankers! 


	12. Neji The Gueni Pig and Sasuke The Rock

A/N: Zomg! Thanx fer all the reviews! You don't even know how much I appreciate it! Thank you all so much!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto... and I don't know what to write for the diary entry... but, oh well... I'll think of something...

* * *

Neji stared at the words and read them again and again until it soaked in. 

_Dear Diary,_

_Hey. It's Tenten! Guess what! I got a gueni pig today! Zomg! Guess what I'm naming it? Yup! That's right! Neji! I named him Neji! I love him! He even looks like Neji! He has loooong dark brown fluffy fur and his eyes are really light! I mean... not, like, clear, like Neji's, because that's sort not possible! (Unless there are gueni pig Hyuugas! lol) I'm playing with Neji right now! I wonder what Neji-kun would think of Neji? Haha. That sounded weird! Oh my God! Am I being obsessive...? Heh. I hope Neji-kun likes obsessive girls! I mean... I know, like, everything about him! Let's see... he's thirteen..._

Neji looked at the date. It was an awfully recent date... in fact... it was written about a month ago...

_...he has dark brown hair, clear eyes... his birthday is July 3rd... he weighs 101 pounds, he is five feet and three inches tall, and his blood-type is O. Hehe! Is that obsessive? I mean... it's not like I memorized it or anything... ahaha... really. I didn't... Zomg! Why am I twitching? Ugh... Well... I'd better close up for the night. I'm gonna sleep with Neji tonight! Ah! No! Not Neji-kun! Neji, my gueni pig! Heh. Oh well... I'm sort of getting confused... all right! G'night!_

_Tenten_

"She knows... my weight..." He blinked twice and stared at it, his hands shaking.

"Oi..." Sasuke greeted with his usual 'greeting'... if you could even call it that...

"SASUKE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE! IT'S LIKE... NIGHTTIME!" Neji yelled, putting the diary down.

"Um... I wanted to ask you something..." Sasuke said, being very un-Sasuke-ish... (Like he was in episode 101! XXD)

"Eh? Something...? Nani?"

"Uh... how'd you get Tenten's diary...?"

"Oh! I just-... matte... whhhhhy...?" Neji inquired. Sasuke twitched.

"I-... I want... I want to... I want to read Sakura's d-d-d-... diary..." He stuttered silently. There was a pause, and then...

"You want... to read... Sakura's..."

"Diary..."

They stared at each other. Then... something unexpected happened. Neji started laughing. Not just laughing, but LAUGHING!

"AHAHAHA! OMG! UCHIHA! WHAT- HAHA- IS- HAHA- WRONG- HAHA- WITH- AAAAHAHAHAAAA!" The Hyuuga fell on the floor, holding his stomach, laughing hysterically. Sasuke stood there, avoiding his gaze and blushing as red as the tomatoes he likes so much.

"Well? Are you gonna help me or not?" Sasuke shouted above the roar of laughter erupting from Neji.

"I- HAHA- SURE- AHAHAHAHA!" Neji was now in tears. The Uchiha hit his own forehead and let his hand slide down in a disgruntled sort of way.

"All right. Right now,"

Neji stopped laughing.

"Uh... now?"

"Hai."

Clear met ebony as they gazed into each others eyes.

"Um... Can I ask why, or is that irrelevant...?" Neji questioned. He was taken aback when the Uchiha suddenly smirked evilly.

"They have a distraction,"

"Distraction?"

"Yeah..."

"What kind...?"

"They're all at a slumber party right now."

Neji perked up and a smile cleared his expression.

"Yatta! No way! You mean... like... Konoha kunoichi in silk pj's having pillow fights?"

Sasuke nodded.

"And sharing their deepest darkest secrets," The Uchiha added with a perverted smirk worthy of Jiraiya. Neji's clear eyes sparkled as he licked his lips hastily.

"Well, then what're we standing around here for? Let's go, Uchiha!" With that, Neji yanked Sasuke out of his house and towards Sakura's house.

"Hey, Sasuke? I guess since we're here now... I'll tell you..." Neji said in a low voice as they looked into Sakura's bedroom window. Sakura, Hinata, Tenten, and Ino sat in a circle in silk pj's giggling amongst themselves.

"Tell me what?"

"That Sakura doesn't keep a diary..."

It Sasuke like a paw from the Shukaku.

"Wh-... What did you... just say...?"

"Sakura doesn't keep a diary."

"THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU DRAG ME HERE?"

"Because I wanna hear what Tenten says about me. I found out that she named her gueni pig after me, knows my birthday, my height... and..." Neji shivered. "my weight..." Sasuke shuddered.

"Ouch..."

"Yeah..."

"Okay. While we're here... let's peek..." They both concealed their chakra as best as they could and listened outside the window.

"...okay, Sakura! Who do you like?" Sakura blushed.

"Well... you know! Sasuke-kun, of course!"

"YES!" Sasuke shed tears of happiness.

"What about you, Tenten?"

"Haha! My gueni pig gives it away, doesn't it? Dontcha, Neji?" Tenten snuggled her gueni pig. Everyone laughed. Sasuke snickered, looking at the furious Hyuuga.

"Okay! Now... if you could make out with any of the teachers at the academy, who would it be?" Ino brought up. That did it. Sasuke and Neji leapt from the window and into a tree where they couldn't hear anymore.

"Ugh... disgusting! Teachers? They're WAY out of their league!" Sasuke scoffed.

"Hell, yeah!"

"Hey, gueni pig! Grunt for me, will ya?" Sasuke smirked in the moonlight at the Hyuuga, who blushed furiously.

"Shut up..." A smile came into his face. "You'd just love to know what Sakura and Ino officially named after you..." Sasuke perked.

"What?" He stared at him.

"A big giant rock."

Bang went the Sasuke.

"A GIANT ROCK?"

"Actually... it was more like a moss covered boulder..."

"A MOSS COVERED BOULDER?"

"Now, who's telling who to grunt?" Neji mused. Sasuke gave him a death glare worth that of Itachi.

"You better as hell be lying!" Sasuke growled angrily.

"Sorry, but it's true. Wanna go see Sasuke the moss covered boulder? He's just oh-so-adorable!" Neji snickered. The Uchiha twitched and fell out of the tree they were in.

"Smooth, Uchiha... real smooth..." Neji mused and leapt off back home, leaving Sasuke by himself.

* * *


	13. Neji Is Superstitious

A/N: Si.

Disclaimer: I dun own Naruto... but I do own Neji the gueni pig and Sasuke the moss covered boulder... he's in my backyard...

* * *

Neji awoke that morning with a yawn and stretched. 'What a night that was...' He thought to himself as he slid out of bed, still half asleep. Going downstairs, he tripped over a step and rolled down the rest of the painful way and landed with a thud against his kitchen table. He heard a 'klang' on his head and a sudden sifting of what sounded like sand. 

"OKAY, GAARA! WHERE ARE YOU?" He jumped up and stupidly noticed it wasn't sand. It was salt and it was on his head. He smiled and put the salt back on the table. "Oh well..." He went to his cupboard and got a bowl of cereal. He decided frosted flakes suited him best today (A/N: Only cuz that's what I'm eating right now! lol). He got out a bowl and poured it in.

Chewing on a flake, he noticed there was a slight crack in the mirror to his left. "Hm?" He stared at it.

BANG!

A baseball came soaring through his window with a crash and knocked Neji straight off his chair to the ground. "Ow! What the hell?"

His eyes widened to platters as he stared up at his calendar.

Friday the Thirteenth.

Leaping up, he ripped the calendar from the wall and stared at it.

"No... NOOOOO!" He screamed. Yes, he was superstitious. He crumpled the paper up and threw it away, backing up. He backed up all the way to the door.

"Ohayo, Neji-kun!" Came a girl's voice.

"AAAAH! NOOOOO!" The Hyuuga screamed and ran up to his bedroom, leaving the girl, Tenten, standing there confusedly.

"I... I just wanted to wish him 'happy friday the thirteenth'..." She blinked.

Neji, meanwhile, sat in the feedle position atop his bed, rocking back and forth. His eyes were wide and unblinking. His breath came in short pathetic pants. Cold sweat dripped from his head.

"No... no...no..." He kept saying. He suddenly stopped rocking. "NOOO! TENTEN'S GONNA FIND THE DIARY TODAY!" He screamed suddenly and leapt for the diary. "Okay! I gotta finish reading this, and I'm NOT gonna get interrupted! Yeah... all I have to do is ignore my thoughts! Yeah... ahaha... that should be easy..."

He gulped and opened to the page he left off on.

_Dear Diary,_

_Hehe! I can't wait until Friday the thirteenth! Ya know why? Because I'm planning to prove to everyone that fate is wrong and there's no such thing as 'bad luck'. I'm gonna walk under thirteen ladders, knock over thirteen salt shakers, crack thirteen mirrors, have thirteen black cats walk in front of me, take a petal off of a four-leaved-clover, step on every crack in Konoha, and, finally, make a ceramic crow and break it! Hehe! There! I will do it all and more that day! I'd better not tell Neji, though... He'd go ballistic if he knew! He's so superstitious, he even walks purposely between the cracks in the roads and sidewalks! Haha! Well... I just wanted to write that down! Ja ne!_

_Tenten_

Neji stared at it. And stared. And stared some more.

"No...TENTEN!" He screamed, forgetting his 'don't-listen-to-my-own-thoughts-and-get-sidetracked' plan, and rushed out the door into Konoha.

'Gotta find Tenten, gotta find Tenten, GOTTA FIND TENTEN!' He thought repetitively to himself as he dashed through the village. "TENTEN!" He screamed dramatically and threw his arms in the air, sobbing. "WHERE ART THOU?" Everyone around him stopped and stared at the strange child.

Cricket...cricket...

"Uh... I'm gonna go now..." Neji stated nervously and slipped off into a side street. "Okay... this is getting serious! Omg... what if.. no.. I can't think like that! But... what if she knocks over a salt shaker? We'll all PERISH!" He screamed. "Okay! Time to go spy!" He smirked and activated his byakugan.

"Tenten, oh, Tenten. Where for art thou Tenten..."

"THAT'S WHAT JULIET SAYS!" Sasuke's voice came from above. Neji looked up to see Sasuke's head out his window looking down at the Hyuuga. He, apparently, was in front of the Uchiha household.

"Uh... Thank you?" Neji cocked his head.

"You're welcome!" Sasuke shouted down and went back inside.

The Hyuuga blinked.

"That was strange..."

* * *

"LADIES AND GENTELMAN! STEP RIGHT UP TO SEE THE AMAZING NINENINE-" 

"THAT'S TENTEN!"

"Oh... SORRY! OKAY! TO SEE THE AMAZING TENTEN PERFORM A SPECIAL BLACK CAT PARADE!" A voice blared over the speaker. Neji's ears perked up.

"Tenten? Black cat parade?" He pushed through the crowd to the front, inactivating his byakugan. There, he saw Tenten standing there in a black chinese top and her normal pants. Her hair was in buns, but there were three-leaved clovers there. Apparently, they had been four-leaved. Neji's jaw hit rock bottom.

"NOOO!"

Then... the cat's came. Millions upon millions of back cats came rampaging through the village.

"Okay! Here goes!" Tenten said, getting a determined look on her face. The cats all plowed past her in the front. Neji's jaw dropped even lower.

"TENTEN!" He screamed and jumped, in slow motion, in front of all the cats. Everything was now in slow motion. "TEEEN...TEEEN! NOOO...OOO!" Neji's voice was molasses slow. Tenten sprang, still in slow motion, to Neji as they were run over by cats. The crowd gasped as everything went back into normal motion. Neji lay atop Tenten, as the cat's rampaged over them like a herd.

"Tenten..." He said melodramatically as he smiled at her when the cat's had passed.

"Oh, Neji! My hero!" She cried, also being melodramatic.

'This is it, Neji! Kiss her! C'mon! You're friggin' layin' on top of her! Juts kiss her already!' The Hyuuga gulped and went in for the kiss. He noticed Tenten was advancing in. His breath slowed. There lips were close. So close. They were about to touch, when, suddenly, Tenten pushed Neji off of her and rolled him over so he was now under her.

"Oh, please. You think I'm gonna feel sorry for you just because you got ripped up by a couple million cats? Ha! You got a worse beating from Naruto in the thirdpart of the chuunin exam!" She giggled. Neji blushed. He remembered all too well how Naruto had tricked him. Tenten giggled and got off of him.

"Neji-kun? You're way too superstitious! Here! Step on that crack. Don't worry! I'll do it with you," She smiled and helped him up. Holding hands, the two slowly put one foot on the crack in the sidewalk. Tenten smiled and Neji flinched, shutting his eyes really tight.

"Neji... you can look now..." She smiled really wide as the Hyuuga opened his eyes to see that his foot was, indeed, on the crack. He gazed at it. "Told you nothing bad would happen!"

"Y-... You're RIGHT!" He started madly stepping on the crack over and over again. "WAHAHAHA! THAT'S RIGHT! THE HYUUGA NEJI IS STEPPING ON A CRACK! WAHAHA!" He called, stomping on it.

"Ano... Neji... don't overdo it!... Neji...?"

"WAHAHAHA!"

Tenten backed away slowly.

"I think I hear my mom calling... uh... I gotta run, Neji-kun..." She smiled nervously. "Uh... See you tomorrow, kay?" She leaned in and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. Neji stopped, blushed, and stared at her as she winked and dashed off to her house. He felt his cheek where she had kissed him and smiled.

"Yatta..." He said, unnormally silent-like, with the biggest smile you ever saw on his face. He closed his eyes happily and walked home.

* * *

It was now the end of the day. He had survived friday the thirteenth and so had Tenten. He even got a kiss from her! With that, he smiled and locked his doors up for the night and went into his bedroom. Laying down in his bed, he sighed, incredibly happy for a guy who got tackled by cats, and tried to go to sleep. 

"Nothing bad happened today from stepping on that crack after all..." He mused and shut his eyes.

BANG!

His eyes shot open as every mirror in his house fell over and broke at the exact same time. Now that was creepy...

He stayed in his bed, completely silent, until he noticed something on his bed. It was a doll. Not just any doll... but, a Neji doll. He stared at it and noticed there were needles in it everywhere. He blinked.

"Wow... someone must really hate me to make a voodoo doll... hmm... maybe that crack thing did work.." He thought. "Aw... haha! Who'm I kiddin'? This doesn't mean anything!" He got some sleeping powder and sprayed it over the doll.

"See? Nothing's happening!" And with that, Neji fell straight asleep on his bed, a smile on his face. The diary laid open to his right with the entry after the one he had just read. He had planned on reading it tonight, but was currently unable to do so. Let's just say that he'd read it tomorrow...

* * *

A/N: If your wondering, YES I AM SOOOO SUPERSTICIOUS IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY! Zomg... I'm SO freaked out by chapter thirteen of stories, because... it's the number thirteen... 


	14. Neji Eats A Pixie Stick

A/N: YAY! A better number than thirteen! Wanna know something REALLY creepy? I had thirteen chapters, thirteen pages of reviews, and I was watching episode 113 of Naruto... is that creepy...? I'm freaked... so HERE'S ANOTHER CHAPTER! (scrambles to finish chapter as fast as possible)

Disclaimer: Don't own it! (insert twitching smile here)

* * *

Neji awoke the next morning, rubbing his eyes. 

"Nnn...?" His clear byakugan gazed up at the ceiling as he reached his hand for Tenten's diary. "I suppose I should read another entry..."

He opened it and read.

_Dear Diary,_

_I love pixie stix! They're my favorite kind of candy! Hmm... I wonder what would happen if I gave Neji-kun a pixie stick? Hehe... you know how he is with sugar... oh, that's right! I haven't told you about Neji-kun's sugar raid the other day! Hehe! You should've been there! I let Neji-kun eat a whole packet of twizzlers! He was bouncing off the walls and even Gai-sensei and Lee couldn't keep up with him! Haha! I was laughing so hard! And then, the funniest part, Neji-kun started protecting the twizzlers like he was their mother or something! He even bit Lee! Haha! It was absolutely hilarious! One day... I'll give Neji-kun a pixie stick! I'm gonna make that my goal! Well... hasta luego! (I learned Spanish a while back! heh!)_

_Tenten_

Neji looked at it. 'What is this 'pixie stick' she speaks of...?' He wondered, cocking his head to the side. 'Hmm... pixie stick... what could that be? Maybe... maybe it's a magic wand used by pixies! Wait... are there such things as pixies...?' He put the diary down and got out of bed. Changing into his normal clothes, he shot a fist in the air. 'I will find these pixies!' He yelled in his mind.

"Hey, Neji-kun!" Sakura called with Naruto on their way down to the training grounds. Neji didn't hear her. He was too busy searching for pixies.

"Okay... now if I were a pixie... wait a minute... why would I be a pixie?" The Hyuuga imagined himself in a pink tutu with butterfly wings, flying around happily with all the sparkles and granting people wishes with his sparkly magic wand. "Uh..."

He shook that disturbing thought from his mind.

"Okay! Let's try this again! If I were a pixie, WHICH I'M NOT!.. where would I be...?" Neji got out his 'little-dude' spy kit and got out a walkie-talkie. "I need a partner..." He said. "Tenten! Where is Tenten...? WAIT! It can't be Tenten! What if she finds out I read her diary? Ugh... it has to be someone who knows... that I... oh crappers... That'd be the Uchiha..."

* * *

"Hn? Neji... it's nine am... what could you possibly want...?" Sasuke greeted the Hyuuga at the Uchiha front door. 

"Ano... I need a partner..."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"Partner...?"

"Yeah... I sort of need to find pixies..."

Sasuke stared at him.

"Pixies. You mean... pixies?"

"Yeah..."

"Why in the hell do you want to find a pixie?" Sasuke was about to close his door.

"MATTE! I... I read another diary entry!"

The Uchiha stopped. A smirk spread across his face with great interest.

"You did?"

"Yeah..."

"And somehow Tenten likes pixies and you want to get one for her?"

"NANI? PIXIES AREN'T REAL!"

"Then... why're you searching for one...?"

Neji stared at him.

"Wait-a-minute...! That's right! It mustn't be a pixie she was talking about!"

"Neji? What did it say exactly...?"

"Pixie stix..."

Sasuke stared at him.

"Wh-... What is that?"

"I- I don't know..."

They stared questioningly at each other.

"Well... there's only one way to find out..." Sasuke said.

* * *

"SHIKAMARU! WHAT'S A PIXIE STICK?" Neji and Sasuke both begged of the Nara when they got to the genius's house. Shika stared at them. 

"You're kidding, right?"

"KIDDING? NO!"

"Alright... come with me..." Shika sighed. "Mendokusee..." He added, as he led them to a candy shop.

"There's... no tomatoes..." Sasuke blinked, as they entered it.

"POCKY! I WANT POCKY!" Neji screamed at the top of his lungs and dashed for the pocky boxes. "Oooo! What flavor, what flavor?" Shika hit him over the head.

"Baka!" He yelled and dragged Neji over to the 'American Sweets' section. He held up one of the jumbo pixie stix. "This... is a pixie stick..." He held it out to them. Neji and Sasuke both took one end.

"It... It's a tube..." Sasuke blinked.

"It doesn't taste very good either..." Neji said, after chewing on the tube for a while. The Nara sighed.

"You eat what's on the INSIDE!" He sighed. "Mendokusee..." He stated once more and opened it for them. They looked inside then looked back to Shika.

"How do you get it out?" The idiot duo asked. Shikamaru groaned.

"You tilt it upwards and let the sugar fall into your mouth.. Then, you swallow!" He added, thinking they might've forgotten that part.

"Sugar...? Did you just say... sugar?" Neji's eyes widened and a psychotic smile spread across his face. His whole body was tingling with excitement. Sasuke and Shika exchanged glances of 'wtf?'.

"Ano... hai..." Shika stated awkwardly, not sure of what to say. Sasuke backed up slightly as the Hyuuga twitched with a laugh.

"Heh... heheh... SUGAR!" He screamed and dumped the whole tube down his throat, not even bothering to taste it. "SUGAR SUGAR SUGAAAAR!" He screamed and gulped down every pixie stick in the store. "SUUUUGGAAAAAR!" He then ran away at full dash. Sasuke and Shika stared.

"Er... I'll be going now..." Shika said, thinking fast, and dashed out. Sasuke tried to follow, unaware why, but was stopped by the cashier.

"You paying?"

Sasuke stared at her. "Uh oh... CURSE YOU, SHIKAMARU!"

Meanwhile...

"SUUUGAAAAR!" Neji screamed, dashing throughout the town like a squirrel. "IT'S MIIIINE!" He screamed and jumped atop a chocolate cart. "MINE MINE MINE!" He screamed and gobbled down all the chocolate. He then dashed off again through the village.

* * *

"Lord Hokage! The village is under attack! There's a sugar enraged bandit sweeping through the town!" Shizune screamed hastily as she and Ton-ton entered Tsunade's office. 

"Is it Neji?" Tsunade questioned without looking up. The black-haired assistant looked at her.

"Neji? You mean... Hyuuga? I think..." She said. Ton-ton squealed in agreement. Tsunade sighed.

"He must've finally gotten to the pixie stix..."

* * *

"Neji-kun...?" Tenten watched as Neji whooshed past her. "Wait...I WANTED TO BE THE FIRST ONE TO GIVE HIM PIXIE STIX!" She shouted angrily. Neji stopped, dead in his tracks. "Eh? Neji-kun...?" Neji slowly turned his head back to look at Tenten. His hair was a mess, his eyes were wide, his mouth was curled into a wide open smile, and he was drooling with excitement. 

"Pixie... stick...?" Neji slowly reiterated. Tenten took a step back.

"Neji-kun...?"

"Pixie... stick..." He repeated.

"Ne...ji? You okay...?" Her voice was shaky.

"Pi...xie... STICK!" Neji screamed and dashed up a flag pole, laughing maniacally. "PIIIIIXIIIIE STIIIIICK! WAHAHAHAHA!" He screamed from the top of the pole.

"Tenten! Watch out! I've got the tranquilizer!" Gai said as he and Lee held a GIANT tranquilizer dart-gun at the ready. Tenten stepped out of the way. "Neji.. for going insane... and passing our speed... YOU SHALL BE PUNISHED!" Gai shouted as he shot the dart. It missed as Neji sprung up and dodged it. He pounded his chest like Kong and roared.

"ROOOOOOAR!"

"Damn... All right, Lee! One more time!" They shot it. This time it hit Neji and the Hyuuga fell, tumbling downward. Tenten sprung out and caught him.

"NEJI-KUN!" She screamed. "Gai-sensei! You killed him!" She yelled. Gai laughed.

"No, I didn't! He just had a bit of a... sugar-streak... We had to put him to sleep! C'mon! To the hospital!" Gai struck a pose.

"Oh, Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

They did their little sunset-hug-sparkle thing. Afterwards, the took Neji to the hospital.

* * *

"Huh...?" Neji opened his eyes wearily to look at a pale white ceiling. His body ached all over. 

"Neji-kun...?" Tenten gazed over top of him.

"SEE! I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T KILL HIM! HAHA!" Gai laughed and struck a pose. His mini-me copied and did the same.

"Tenten... what happened...?" Neji asked in a light voice. She giggled.

"You ate a pixie stick and Gai-sensei shot you with a tranquilizer,"

Damn, that sounded weird to him.

"What... what is this 'pixie stick' you speak of...?" Neji asked. Tenten, Lee, and Gai all stared at him with horrified expressions on their faces. The Hyuuga cocked an eyebrow. "What?" The trio around Neji's bed broke into fits of nervous laughter.

"Ahaha... Just forget about it, Neji-kun! And... whatever you do... Don't ask Sasuke or Shika for help, okay?" Tenten smiled nervously.

"Um... okay..." Neji said awkwardly.

"Er... yeah... well, it's getting late... you stay here tonight... okay, Neji-kun? You can go home tomorrow!" Tenten said gleefully. And, with that, the trio left. Neji settled down into the fluffy bed with a happy sigh.

"I guess something strange must've happened today..." He said, right before he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

A/N: YAY! OVER 200 REVIEWS! I'M SOOO HAPPY! YATTA! Okay... ahem... well, er... this might actually be my longest chapter yet! Ha. How I thought of this chapter was quite weird. What I did, was closed my eyes and said that the first object I see when I open them, I will revolve the chapter around. So... I opened my eyes, and there was my giant pink pixie stick from the party I went to last night. Haha. Yeah. Well... review please! Sankyuu! 


	15. Neji and Tenten Get Fluffy

A/N: Yeah.

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto

* * *

Neji yawned as he got out of the hospital bed in the morning. Stretching, he looked out the window and saw many pretty things, like birds and trees and sunshine rays, ect... 

He smiled and waved hello to the birds, which was something he rarely did.

"G'mornin' Neji-kun!" Tenten's voice came from the doorway. Neji spun around and saw her in a emerald-green chinese top and she had matching green scrunchies around the base of her buns. He smiled at her, a gleeful gleam in his eye.

"Ohayo gozaimasu, Tenten-chan," He replied in a sweet voice. Tenten looked at him with a cocked smile.

"You're so unpredictable, these days! I don't know what to do with you!" She giggled. He loved it when she giggled. "Ano... Neji-kun? I was just wondering, if you'd like to go to the festival with me tonight... erm... will you...?" She looked up innocently at him. He blinked.

"Festival...? What festival?" He asked. He frankly didn't really care, as long as he was going with her.

"You know! Tonight's the celebration of the Hokage's!" She giggled again.

"Oh... oh yeah!" Neji suddenly remembered. That was all Tenten had been talking about at training sessions.

"Well? Will you go with me...?" She asked.

"Sure!" Neji replied hastily. She smiled.

"Okay! Pick me up at my doorstep at nine tonight! See ya then, Neji-kun!" And with that, Tenten rushed off again with a smile on her face. Neji waved goodbye and rushed home after checking out of the hospital.

"Hmm... what to wear, what to wear... she'll probably be wearing some sort of kimono... or something... but... what could I wear...?" He pondered. He had no fancy clothes like that. The only thing he had other than his normal outfits were his one-piece ninja costume. He sighed, then got an idea. "The diary! I bet she has an entry on what kind of clothes she likes me in!" He rushed to the diary and opened it. "Hmm... no, no... aha! There!"

He placed his index finger on an entry two pages past what he hadn't read yet. He smiled excitedly and read along the slanted sparkly blue ink.

_Dear Diary_

_I don't know why... but I haven't told you anything about the fashion issues in our group! Well... I'm not even gonna tell you about Lee and Gai-sensei... I mean... spandex is completely out... in fact, it's never been in! Ever! I suppose they never got the notice..._

Neji smirked at this. He had always known how out-of-style the youthful duo were.

_But, neways! Neji's little outfit isn't all that bad... but, I'd like to dress him up someday! You know! Take him shopping, maybe! Heh. He probably doesn't like the mall... hell. He's probably never even been there before! I can understand that though. It is pretty far out of the village! But, I really would like to take him someday! Maybe I will... I hope so... I guess all I can do is wait and find the perfect opportunity! Or, even better, wait for Neji to ask me to take him shopping! Wouldn't that be something? The Hyuuga Neji! SHOPPING! Haha! Yeah, like that would ever happen..._

_Tenten_

"What does she mean by 'like that would ever happen'? I could go shopping! Of course... I don't know what this 'mall' thing is, but I'm sure if Tenten likes it, I would too!" Neji got up determinedly and went over to Tenten's house. He had a small backpack on. He had put the diary in there, just in case things didn't go too well...

* * *

"Hm? Neji-kun! It's eight in the morning! I said nine at night..." Tenten puzzled, looking at her expensive jeweled watch. 

"Ano... Can I ask you something...?" Neji gazed into her eyes with determination. She shrugged.

"I guess so..."

Neji exhaled relievedly.

"Well... I don't have anything to wear tonight... will you take me... uuuum... damn, what was that word!" Neji snapped his fingers in confusion. Tenten giggled.

"Shopping?"

"Yeah! Yeah, that! Will you take me shopping?" Neji asked, a smile of happiness across his face. She marveled at him, then burst into tears. "Huh...? Matte... why are you... crying...?" He asked, suddenly feeling sad. The Hyuuga was quite surprised to see her look up at him with a smile.

"I'm so happy!" She exclaimed. "Stay here! Lemme get my purse!" She cried and dashed in the door. Neji had barely enough time to blink before she came rushing back and out the door.

"Let's go, okay? And... do you know where the mall is? I do, if you don't!" Tenten added.

"Of course I don't know where the mall is! I've never been there, nevertheless heard of it!" Neji pondered. The weapons mistress smiled.

"Goodie! I get to be the leader, for once! Okay! Now, try to keep up!" She said and leapt to the treetops. It was faster that way. Neji shrugged and followed suit.

* * *

"OH, NEJI-KUN! ISN'T IT JUST BEUTIFUL? Where should we start? Oh! Let's go here! NO! Wait! Here! No! Here! Agh! Maybe there!" Tenten rushed around from store entrance to store entrance. Neji just stood there and blinked, thinking maybe his insanity was somehow contagious. 

"Uh... Tenten?"

"NEJI! THERE!" She pointed to the most expensive store in the entire mall. The Hyuuga could've sworn he hear holy music as he looked at it.

"There?"

"Yeahyeahyeah!" She shouted and jumped up and down impatiently. "C'mon! Let's go go go!" She yanked him into the store without waiting for an answer and dashed to the teen boys section. "KIYAAA! NEJI-KUN! I'M GONNA BUY YOU A WHOLE NEW WARDROBE!" She shouted excitedly. The Hyuuga looked around. Apparently, this was normal, so he just let her do her little 'screaming-happily' thing.

About two minutes later, Tenten came back to Neji with over thirty different outfits and piled them into Neji's arms.

"Here! Go try all these on!"

"All at once?" Neji's eyes grew wide. He didn't know if he could put them all on.

"What? No! One at a time!" She shook her head disapprovingly. "You really need to get out more!" The Hyuuga pondered on that for a moment, then gave up and went into the changing rooms.

* * *

"NO NO NO NO NO! ALL WRONG! TAKE IT OFF, TAKE IT OFF!" Tenten squealed angrily. The Hyuuga had come out wearing an open black jacket, a red tank top underneath, long baggy jeans, sunglasses, boots and golden chains. He looked like a gangsta' or a hippie. Tenten sighed. "You don't know anything! Here! Let me dress you this time..." Neji gulped. 

"Say WHAT?"

"Seriously! Ugh... you're such a wimp! Just keep your underclothes on and take it like a man!" She said and shoved him back into the changing room. He had no choice. He was cornered.

Tenten sifted through the clothes and found another outfit. "Aha!" She exclaimed as Neji sat there shivering in his boxers and socks. He hated this. A lot.

She turned to him.

"Lift up your arms like a big boy, okay?" Tenten smiled and Neji did what he was told. She slipped a crimson turtle-neck shirt over his abdomen. It was long sleeved and looked almost like a sweater. She nodded in approval so far. "Mmmhmm..."

She then sifted through some more clothes and found the perfect bottoms. They were sort of cotton-like and capri-ish. (They came down to right above the knee.) They were a faded white color which was now cream colored. Tenten smiled happily. "Aww! This is so cute! Now... one more thing..." She took off his hitai-ate, the bandages underneath, and got out some make-up from her purse. Neji blinked.

"Y-... You're... putting make-up... on me...?"

"Silly! I'm just gonna use some cover-up to make the curse mark!" She smiled and applied it over the green marking. The Hyuuga blushed wildly. They were close enough to kiss, but he didn't want to seem forceful, so he gulped and exhaled shakily.

"Now..." She then took out his hair ribbon to let his long hair flow freely and she then ruffled out his bangs that came jaggedly down to right before the eyes. He wasn't used to them being there. Tenten's eyes filled with tears. "You're...Neji-kun! You're... SO BUETIFUL!" She sobbed and leapt into his arms. "OMG!" She cried. Neji was officially baffled.

'Wtf...?' He though, not wanting to give her the wrong impression by hugging her. So, he just let her do what she wanted with him, just like a good little boy should. She jumped out of his arms and did a little 'twirl'-type thing and sighed ever-so-happy.

"Go in that outfit!" She smiled. "I'll even buy it for you!"

"Eh? What are you wearing?"

"Me? I suppose I'll be wearing a fancy chinese top with some slick black slacks..." She said, wondering aloud.

"Really?" Neji blinked. 'Damn! I wanted to see her in a kimono!' He thought healthily. She giggled.

"Hey! I'll wear red, too! We can match!" She said happily.

"Do I have to put my hair in buns?" He asked a little cautiously.

"No... but I'm gonna let my hair down! Just like yours!" She flicked his nose. He drew back, sniffing and wriggling his nose about.

"C'mon, Neji! Let's go pay! I'll buy it for you!"

'Well... I'm glad she really didn't buy be a whole new wardrobe...' He thought happily.

* * *

Neji was happily on his way to Tenten's house with a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates in his hands. He hummed as he strolled along in the darkening hours. 

"Neji-kun! Over here!"

Neji looked up to see Tenten in her outfit she said she was wearing coming up to him. She looked so pretty with her hair down.

"H-... Hey, Tenten..." Neji gulped, blush arising in his entire body.

"I know I said to meet me at my doorstep, but I just couldn't wait! So, here I am!" She smiled. It was even prettier with her hair down. He snapped out of his daze.

"Here! It's not much, but..." Neji handed her the flowers and chocolate. Tenten gasped happily and stared at his outstretched presents.

"Oh, Neji-kun!" She laughed and jumped into his arms, knocking him over. Neji let the chocolate and flowers fall beside him.

"Tenten...?"

She put a finger over his lips.

"Shh..." She hushed and bent down and kissed him deeply. They stayed like that for over two minutes, each of them deepening the kiss by the second.

"Youth blooms at celebrations!" Gai and Lee cried from the sidelines. Neji and Tenten both jumped straight up and backed away from each other, blushing furiously. Neji even had a nose-bleed. Looking on, they noticed it wasn't just Gai and Lee, but a lot of others too. Gai, Lee, Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto, Kakashi, Asuma, Ino, Chouji, Shikamaru, Gaara, Temari, Kankuro, Kurenai, Hinata, Kiba, Akamaru, Pakkun, and Shino were all staring wildly at them. The girls were all sparkly eyed and crying dramatically. Most of the guys Neji's age were gaping at them insanely and all of the jounin were just smirking at them, knowing how it felt to get your first real kiss. Neji's mouth hung wide open.

"H... Hi?" Tenten gulped. They all burst into laughter. Sakura and Ino came over and congratulated Tenten and Kiba and Sasuke both pointed at a furious Neji and laughed at him.

"You dog!" Kiba howled. Akamaru barked happily.

"AAAAGH!" Neji screamed and ran. Boy, did he run! He dashed all the way to the Hokage statues in the center of town. He then calmed down, and slid down to the floor, panting. "Zomg... zomg... zomg...!"

* * *

"Neji-kun?" Tenten's voice sounded. He whirled around and stared at her, his nose still bleeding. 

"Tenten! I... um... well, it's like this! I just... uh..." He had no idea what to say. She giggled and sat down next to him.

"You know, it's almost time for the fire works..." She said softly gazing up at the sky. Neji blinked.

"Nani...?"

A firework shot up into the air and burst into pretty flashes of purple and red. Neji gazed at them in awe. He had never seen a firework before. He suddenly noticed Tenten was leaning on his shoulder. He shifted uncomfortably and looked at her.

"Neji-kun... let's watch the fireworks together, okay...?" She whispered and leaned on him harder. He smiled, happy to finally be alone.

"Okay..." He whispered back and hugged her closer.

Together they sat, leaning against the Hokage statues, watching the lively village from a distance while happiness rang throughout the air. There was no place in the world Neji would ever want to be than here. He wished this moment could last forever.

* * *

"Hey... what's this...?" Sakura asked as she picked up Neji's backpack. 

"I dunno..." Ino replied. Hinata immediately recognized it.

"That's Neji-san's..." She said quietly. Sakura and Ino both smirked and looked inside. The pink-haired kunoichi reached in and pulled out a small book. They all stared at it.

"Wait a minute... this is..."

"Tenten's..." Ino stuttered.

"...diary..." Hinata finished. The trio stared at it, wondering what the heck was going on.


	16. Neji Does A Crossword Puzzle

A/N: Errr...nothing to sayyy.

Disclaimer: I don't own it!

* * *

"AAAGH!" Neji awoke that morning with seven pigeons sitting on him, pecking at his head. He jumped up and spun around in a jyuuken-type fashion. "Nani?" He blinked when he suddenly noticed where he was. He had fallen asleep last night against the Hokage statues. "Oh..." He said slowly, a bit relieved. "Hey... Tente- eh?" She wasn't there. He sighed and stood. "Well... there's no point in-" 

"Neeeeeeejiiiiii..." An eerie voice whispered from behind the statue. Neji stopped, a shiver through his spine. He gulped and turned slowly to see what had called him.

There stood Sakura, Ino, and Hinata, all (accept for Hinata, who was blushing) glaring angrily at him.

"Huh...? Uh... Ohayo, Sakura-chan, Ino-chan, Hinata-chan..." He greeted, wondering why the heck they looked like the devil.

"We know your secret..." Sakura growl-whispered in a low tone he could barely hear. The Hyuuga froze.

"Wh-... What?"

"The diary... We know you have it..." The pink-haired kunoichi slowly held up the little book.

Everything. Stopped.

"D-d-d-d-d... Dia- diar-... DIARY! TENTEN! BACKPACK! NOOO!" Neji screamed in confusion and reached/looked everywhere. This couldn't be true! It just... COULDN'T! "OH, DEAR KAMI-SAMA!" He screamed in horror.

"Neji... bow down to us..." Ino said mischievously. He looked back at them.

"Wh-... What?"

"Bow," She repeated.

"Ano..." Neji started, but decided it was all he could do. So, being the 'new' Neji, he decided to make it more dramatic.

"OOOO!" He howled and bowed down, as if in great pain. "OH, DEAR MISTRESSES! YOUR GREATNESS OVERFLOWS IN PONDS OF YOUTHFUL WISDOM!" The trio stared at him. They thought he was possessed by Gai or Lee. "YOUR BEUTY IS SO INCREDIBLE, EVEN THE FORCES OF NATURE CANNOT WITHSTAND IT'S WONDERS!"

Yeah... he had snapped.

"Neji... it's just a dia-"

"OH, SAKURA-SEMPAI! OH, WONDERFUL AND GREAT PINK-HAIRED KUNOICHI!" He shouted happily, tears flowing gracefully around him. "MAKE ME YOUR SLAVE AND I WILL-"

SLAAAP!

In one quick movement, Sakura and Ino had slapped him and whoosh went the Neji. Banging into a couple trees along the way, the helpless Hyuuga was soon stopped by a giant moss covered boulder.

"OW, DAMMIT!" He screamed, then looked at the rock. "It's... it's... SASUKE!" He screamed and hugged the moss-covered boulder.

"Neji-kun...? Why are you hugging Sasuke...?" Tenten's voice filled his ears as he spun around.

"Uh... it was an apology... I sort of flew into him..."

"You... flew...?"

"Nani?" Neji was confused. Oh, so very confused.

"HYUUGA NEJI!" Sakura's voice sounded. He gulped and leapt around to face her.

"Oh... um... Hey, Sakura-sama!" He added hastily.

"Sama...? Since when do you-"

"Oh, Tenten! We have a little secret to tell you!" Ino interrupted. Tenten looked at her. Neji's eyes went wide.

"A secret? What is it?" Tenten leaned in closer. Sakura and Ino exchanged smirks. Hinata backed away slightly, intimidated by her insane cousin.

"Neji... read... your...-"

"NOOOOO!" Sasuke leapt to the rescue and grabbed the diary from Sakura's hand and threw it at Neji, deliberately hitting his square in the forehead. The Hyuuga fell backwards.

"Ow! Wtf was that for? We're on the same side!" Neji yelled, rubbing the indent. He suddenly realized the diary was right next to him. "Eh?... YATTA!" He grabbed the diary and stood up. "WAHAHA! I AM THE HYUUGA NEJI! HEAR ME ROAR!" With that, he roared. They all stared at him.

"Neji-kun... you don't stop roaring, and I'll give you curry," Tenten said, blinking frustratedly at him. Neji immediately stopped.

"Not... curry..." He gulped. He had to devise a plan.

"Neji-kun...? Is that... is that my... diary?" Tenten gasped, pointing to the book in the Hyuuga's hand. Neji gulped.

"Uh oh..." He thought fast and sprang into the treetops. "I AM OFFICIALLY A FUGITIVE FROM KONOHAGAKURE! FEAR ME!" And with that, he jumped off to the border of Konoha.

"Weeheehee!" He cried and leapt into the closest tree to Konoha's border. "I am a fugitive!" He smiled. Of course, if the tree were to even be blown by the wind slightly, he'd be back over the line to Konoha. Yes, he was an idiot...

"HYUUGA NEJI! COME DOWN WITH YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!" Tsunade's voice sounded from a megaphone. Neji looked down. There stood a bunch of nin plus the Hokage. He smirked psychotically.

"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME! NEEEEVER!" He cried. Suddenly a gush of wind blew and the tree was back on Konoha property. Tsunade smirked and jumped into the tree and grabbed Neji.

"Gotcha!" She smirked as the Hyuuga struggled to break free.

"Matte! Matte, kudasai!" He cried desperately.

"Hokage-sama! Let me handle Neji!" Tenten's voice came in an angry whoosh. Neji suddenly wanted to be as far away from the weapons mistress as possible.

"Alright... you take him..." Tsunade put Neji down.

"I'll hurt you, Neji. Give me back my diary!"

"Never!" Neji yelled. Tenten sighed and leapt up to him.

"This should get your guard down..." She said right before she kissed him on the lips. She was right. Neji's guard completely dropped senseless. Tenten grabbed the diary.

"Ha! Now... I have proof to punish you!" She yelled with a smirk and held up the diary. Suddenly, everyone started laughing.

"Nani?" Tenten and Neji wondered at the same time. "AAAH!" They both looked at the cover to see, not Tenten's diary, but Icha Icha Paradise: Volume Two.

"Wha... wha... wha... WHAT?" Neji was completely confused. He suddenly thought back to when Sasuke threw the diary to him. Yes, he had grabbed it out of Sakura's hand, but he had switched it with Icha Icha Paradise and thrown that at Neji. 'Wow... The Uchiha's smart after all...' Neji blinked, but was thankful. "WAIT A MINUTE! IF I HAVE THIS... Then... that means..." The Hyuuga's eyes went wide as he jumped away from everyone, leaving them standing there wondering what the fuck was going on.

* * *

"UCHIHA! GIVE ME TENTEN'S DIARY!" Neji yelled pounding on Sasuke's door. The Uchiha answered. 

"Aw... little Hyuuga want da book?" Sasuke taunted evilly.

"Sasuke... give me the diary..." Neji said angrily.

"Allright... but you have to beat me first,"

"Nani? Well... if I can have the diary..." He got into an offensive stance.

"Not that kind of 'beat'. I meant... well... let's duel..." Sasuke said, holding up a yugioh card.

Neji stared at him, then broke into a fit of laughter.

"Oh, man... hahaha! I actually thought you were serious!"

"I AM SERIOUS!" Sasuke yelled angrily. Neji stopped laughing.

"But... I dunno how..." He stated, blinking twice. The Uchiha looked at him.

"Everyone knows how..." Sasuke cocked his head slightly. He had never met someone who didn't know how to duel.

"Not. Me." Neji stated separately. The duo stared at each other.

"Fine... then. I get to choose still!" Sasuke added, then thought for a moment. "Hmm... AHA!" He rushed into his house and came back with two pieces of black and white paper. Neji looked at the two slices of paper.

"What're those...?"

"The challenge you have to defeat me at... is... CROSSWORD PUZZLES!"

Bong.

That did it.

"Um... Sasuke...? On second thought... I think I'll just steal the diary from you later..." Neji stuttered. Sasuke still stood there with his crossword puzzles.

"What? You don't like crossword puzzles? You're insane!"

Yeah... Neji was insane... but a random person looking at them would have thought Sasuke to be the insane one at the moment.

"Uh..."

"I'll give you a pixie stick!" Sasuke smirked. Neji stopped. His body twitched.

"Did you say... PIXIE STICK? SUUUUUGAAAR!" The Hyuuga laughed again and jumped into Sasuke's house, grabbing one crossword puzzle out of the Uchiha's hand.

"Okay... Now. Rules: Both slices of crosswords are the same. The one to finish first wins. If you win, I'll give you Tenten's diary and a pixie stick. If I win... I keep the diary and you're my slave. Forever!" Sasuke laughed maniacally as fake lightning struck in the background. Neji blinked.

"...okay..."

"NOW! BEGIN!" He yelled and they got to work.

The minutes ticked by like hours, the time seeming to grow in length. Sasuke was more than halfway done now and Neji was about one/third of the way done. It wasn't looking good for the Hyuuga.

'I must win! No matter what it takes! I will get that pixie stick! Oh! ...and Tenten's diary...' Neji thought determinedly.

Five minutes later, the clock struck noon and Sasuke snapped his pencil to the table with a smirk on his face.

"Done." He said cockily. Neji stopped and dropped his pencil.

"Wha... done? But... I..." Neji stared at his paper. He had three questions left. He sighed. Apparently, he would be Sasuke's slave forever now...

"WHAT?" Sasuke screamed. Neji looked up.

"Eh? What's up, Uchiha?"

"I-... I-... I got one... wrong..." Sasuke stuttered in disbelief.

There was an ear-splitting silence between the two as the clocked ticked by the seconds.

"Then... who won...?" Neji asked breathlessly. Sasuke shot him a death glare.

"You get those last three questions right... and you win... Hyuuga..." Sasuke stated solemnly. It was only fair. Neji nodded and picked up his pencil. His jaw quivered, sweat beaded around his temple. He gulped and let out a sigh of anticipation.

Putting the pencil to the paper, Sasuke leaned in. Neji's hand shook.

"No... I can't..." Neji breathed.

"Give up!" Sasuke shouted. The Hyuuga gulped again.

"Never!" He shouted and wrote down an answer. Sasuke gasped.

"Now... another!" Neji shouted and wrote in another answer. The Uchiha was in a cold-sweated panic.

"No..." Sasuke breathed lightly.

"And finally... the last answer..." Neji closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He slowly opened them. "It is... 'blue'..."

"NO!" Sasuke shouted as Neji wrote in the four-lettered word. Sasuke fell over pathetically defeated. "Hyuuga Neji... you have defeated me... Here... take this as a symbol of winning..." Neji grasped the diary and the pixie stick as holy music sounded throughout Konoha.

"Pi... Pi... Pixie... Pixie... PIXIE STIIIIIICK!" Neji shouted and gobbled down the pixie stick. Sasuke watched. Neji suddenly was breathing very quickly. "Sugar... SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR SUUUUUGAAAAR!" He screamed and ran wildly out of the Uchiha household.

It happened all over again and Neji ended up in the hospital. Again.

* * *

"Hn...?" Neji looked up to the ceiling, only to see Tenten standing blurrily over him. "Tenten-chan..." 

"Neji-kun... I'm sorry I thought you stole my diary... it was wrong to suspect you!" Tenten apologized. "Please forgive me..." She asked. Neji smiled.

"So... you think I don't have your diary...?"

"I know you don't have my diary."

Neji smiled and relaxed. He had her diary tucked safely at home. Believe it or not... he had somehow calmly gone to his house and placed it carefully into it's normal spot. Then... he had gone out rampaging through Konohagakure again.

"That's good..." The Hyuuga smiled again and fell asleep. Tenten giggled lightly and, without Neji knowing, kissed him deeply for over five minutes straight before leaving. Neji now lay unsuspecting in the hospital bed with a smile on his face.

* * *

'I'll tell him when we're married...' Tenten thought as she whizzed through the trees outside.

* * *

A/N: Well... that mighta been a weird and confusing chapter ... I tried to make it funny in a serious way... so yeah. Sorry bout that... er... yeah. I will make more chapters... but, not till tomorrow morning... I'm gonna go to sleep now (seeing as it's 2:30ish in the morning) Heh... I'm usually up a lot earlier... but I had to read the Odyssey and, as much as I've always loved that movie, the book is boring... yeah... well... G'night! Review please! 


	17. Tenten's Surname

Disclaimer: I luuuuuff the Naruto series... Damn! I don't own it! Grrr...

* * *

Neji awoke in the afternoon that day. It was around seven pm and he was still lying in the hospital bed. He stretched and yawned, making it easier for him to awaken himself. 

"Hmm..." He looked to his side. Nothing there. "I... am at... the hospital."

Neji was a very simple person... VERY simple.

He got out of bed and went back to his own house, knowing Gai would give him the day off today. "Diary...diary..." The Hyuuga muttered, searching for it. He couldn't remember where he had put it. "Aha!" He had finally found it. "Now... time to read another entry..." He told himself with a smile.

_Dear Diary,_

_Hello! It's Tenten! hehe! I've always wanted to write that! Wow...my name looks weird in written format... heh. Oh well... I wonder what would happen if my name wasn't a number... Well, my surname is... I can't tell you! Haha! No one knows my surname! Hehe! BUT! I would tell Neji-kun... if he asked me... WAIT! No! I can't! I dunno why... but it has to be kept secret! Wait... I know why! Because of what a weird name it is! Oh well... I'm just glad no one's found out..._

_Tenten_

Neji smirked.

"Surname, eh?" He closed the diary and got up. "I will find out what it is." He stated determinedly. "First... I'll try the direct approach..."

* * *

"Moshi moshi!" Tenten's voice sounded over the speaker. Neji had called her from the phone. 

"Tenten? It's Neji!" The Hyuuga said happily. "I wanted to ask you something!"

"Oh! Hey, Neji-kun! What is it?"

"Um... about your surname-"

"I'm not gonna tell you!" And with one last giggle, she hung up.

"Drat..." Neji hung up after the dial tone sounded. "Well... I suppose I'll have to move onto step two..."

The Hyuuga got out his ninja outfit and put it on. The sun was now setting.

"By the time I get there... it'll be dark and I'll blend in! Then, I can search her things! Muahahaha!" He laughed, then disappeared into the night.

* * *

Neji's hair blew in the wind as he stood on a mountaintop smirking down at Konoha, devising his evil plan of conquering the village with pixie stix. Haha! No... I'm totally kidding! Okay... here's what really happened... 

Outside Tenten's house, Neji stood by her window completely still. "Come on... Come on! Go to sleep already!" He muttered aggravatedly.

"Ahhh... Neji-kun! Let's go take a bath before bed, okay?" Tenten smiled down at her gueni pig, who squeaked in approval. Neji stood stock still outside the window.

'Does she know I'm here...? Oh my God... she just asked me to take a bath with her...' Ping! Neji's blushing-rate just went off the scales. He suddenly felt dizzy. "Tenten go whoosh-whoosh!" He fell over pathetically. After a couple seconds, he shook it off and got up determinedly. Tenten was now in their outdoor hot spring.

"Ah... So relaxing, eh, Neji-kun?" The gueni pig squeaked. Neji froze again. He couldn't see Tenten's gueni pig with all the steam, so, once again, he thought she was talking to him.

'Aw, shit! She knows I'm here! Well... better play along...'

"Hey, Tenten! I'm coming in!"

"Huh?" Tenten stopped and froze. Neji walked into the hot spring, entirely naked, as was Tenten. The weapons mistress SLOWLY turned her head to look at Neji. She didn't recognize him at all.

"KIIIIIIIYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Birds flew out of their trees, squirrels scampered in all directions, dogs started barking, glass shattered, and everyone in Konoha snapped awake. That was the loudest and most ear-splitting scream recorded in all of history.

"Tenten?" Neji asked, suddenly. His ear drums were throbbing.

"PEEERVEEERT!" Tenten screamed. "IRON PUNCH!" She screamed and punched Neji so hard he flew all the way back to his bedroom and smashed through his window and through the wall, down the stairs, and ended up completely destroying his kitchen. Tenten panted and immediately went and got dressed, her gueni pig in shock from the commotion. (Poor gueni pig!) She went to tie her hair up in buns when she suddenly noticed something very awkward. "Nani...? But... that is... Neji's..."

* * *

"AAAH! I LEFT MY NINJA OUTFIT BY THE HOT SPRING!" Neji hollered, half-way through getting dressed normally again back at his own house. "AH! WHADDO I DO? I can't go back there now! AAAAH! I'M SOOO SCREWED!"

* * *

"Hmm... C'mon, Neji! Let's go ask Neji-kun why his ninja outfit was by my hot spring..." Tenten said determinedly and took the outfit and her gueni pig to Neji's house.

* * *

"WAAAH! WHY ME? FIRST, IT WAS SASUKE'S POOL! NOW, IT'S TENTEN'S HOT SPRING! WHAT'S NEXT? NARUTO'S WATERFALL? Uh oh... I shouldn't have said that... Damn... I'm so cursed... NOT IN THE CAGED BIRD WAY!" He added, remembering the green X on his forehead. 

'Ding dong!' The doorbell rang out.

"AGH! WHO THE HELL COULD THAT BE AT A TIME LIKE THIS?" The Hyuuga angrily stormed down what was left of his stairs to the front door. He thrust it open with an angry fashion. "WHATEVER YOU'RE SELLING- Huh? Tenten! Um, um, ummm... Ahaha! Hi! Oh! Is that my ninja outfit? Haha! How'd you get that? I suppose I just better take it back! Bye!" He said hastily in one breath, grabbed the outfit, and slammed the door in her face with a relieved sigh.

BANG BANG!

"HYUUGA NEJI! OPEN THIS DOOR THIS INSTANT!"

At first, Neji could've sworn it was his mother. Then, he remembered Tenten.

"Aw, shit..." He opened the door, knowing she'd kick it in if she had to. Lately, it seemed like she had Tsunade's strength. Scary...

"Hyuuga Neji! What is the meaning of that, huh? Was that YOU in MY hot spring?" She emphasized.

"What? No, no, no! Ahaha! Of course not! What hot spring? Oh! Haha... I see you brought Neji along with you..."

Tenten stopped.

"Neji-kun... how'd you know I named my gueni pig Neji...?"

Everything stopped.

'Oh SHIIIIT! I'm soooo screwed! Baka, baka, baka!' He mentally yelled at himself.

"Uh... haha... lucky guess?"

"DON'T YOU 'LUCKY GUESS' ME, LITTLE MISTER!" Tenten scolded.

"Yes, ma'am..." Neji hung his head in shame. "But... I'M NOT YOUR SON!" He yelled randomly and shut the door in her face again. Tenten stared angrily at the door.

"Neeeeejiii..."

The Hyuuga shivered at the angry aura emitting from her.

"NEEEEJIII!" She screamed, and pounded on the door as hard as she could. Neji thought fast.

"I JUST WANTED TO FIND OUT YOUR SURNAME!"

He felt the banging stop.

"My... surname...?"

"Yeah..." Neji opened the door to see an astonished Tenten gaping at him. "Gomen..." He whispered, not sure what to do next. She stared at him, then, suddenly, broke into a fit laughter.

"HAHAHA! NEJI! WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST ASK ME? I'd have told you!"

"WHAT? Nuh uh...! I asked you over the phone! Remember...?"

Tenten giggled.

"I wanted you to be curious like everyone else! I also... wanted to see how persistant you were..." She added, blushing. "Our kids can't have a weak daddy!"

Neji stopped and started twitching rapidly.

"Wha... what?"

"OH! Never mind!" Tenten said in a sing-song voice. The Hyuuga couldn't understand her. She started walking off.

"Matte! You never told me your... surname..."

She was smiling.

"It's..."

"It is...?" He couldn't stand waiting any longer.

"It is..."

"IT IS?" He was getting even more impatient.

"Ano..."

"WELL? TELL ME!"

She looked at him with a smirk.

"It's..."

"Yes...?"

"...Uchiha..."

He stopped.

"That's not possible..."

She laughed hysterically at him. He cocked his head.

"You're so gullible! I'm so completely joking!"

Neji breathed a sigh of relief.

"Then... what is it...?"

"Hyuuga."

"I'M SERIOUS! TELL ME!" Neji couldn't take this anymore. Hyuuga? Honestly... how stupid did she think he was?

"Fine... it's... it's..."

"IT IS WHAT? SPIT IT OUT!"

"It is..."

BEEP BEEP! A truck drove by as she whispered it into Neji's ear.

Neji stared at her.

"_That's_... your surname...?"

Tenten nodded. Neji stared at her, then broke into laughter, rolling on the ground holding his stomach and gasping for air.

"HEY! It's not _that _funny!"

"YES HAHAHA IT HAHHAHAHA IIIIS! HAHAHAHAHAAAA!" Neji choked, then kept laughing. Tenten was blushing furiously, so she kicked him. "OW!"

"There! I told you! Now... no more sneaking into my hot spring, okay?"

"Aw... And I so wanted to see a flat-chested girl like you completely na-"

SLAP!

With that, Tenten stormed off, leaving Neji there with a burning red hand mark across his left cheek. It was throbbing painfully.

"Women..." Was the only thing he could say. He then proceeded to clean up his destroyed house by moonlight, the whole time, a smile on his face.

* * *

A/N: Yes. 


	18. Neji the Duckboy and Sasuke the Doctor

A/N: I got a little idea while I was at work today! Here it is!

Disclaimer: No. I don't pwn.

* * *

Neji sat at home on his couch eating potato chips in front of his wide/flat-screened TV. He was watching Dora the Explorer. 

'Do I really look like her...?' He wondered, staring at Dora's lemon-shaped head. He shook his head and clicked off the TV. "I'm gonna do something productive today... In fact... I need to write Tenten's surname down so I don't forget it... hehe... damn, that was funny! I can't believe her surname is-"

HISS! MEOW! The cats fought outside.

"I still can't believe she'd have such a ... a... WEIRD surname! Well... anywho... I guess I'd better write it dow-... wait..." A plan was suddenly devising in his mind. He wrote her surname down quickly then ran upstairs and got the diary. This time, he opened it to the page after the last entry she wrote and got out a sparkly blue pen. A smile creased his lips as he touched the tip to the paper.

_Dear Tenten,_

_I read your diary! It was me all along and you didn't get it, so this is your punishment! Hahahahaha! Fear me, Tenten! I am your conscience! This is why I told you not to put the backpack down! But, noooo! Who listens to their conscience, eh? Well... you should have! Because now... someone has read your diary and he is happy about it! I will now post everything you wrote about Hyuuga Neji over the internet! Muahahaha! And I will forge your signature! Wahahaha! And! I have stolen your thong! Do you want to know who I am and why I haven't returned your diary to you? It's because it is I! A Uchiha! Hahahahaha! You're a flat-chested macho chick with hair-buns for brains! Wahahaha!_

_Love, The Sharingan Warrior, Uchiha! Wahahaha!_

A grinch-like smile curled up his lips as he let the ink dry. He thought she would assume that it was Sasuke, seeing as Neji had forgotten all about Itachi.

"Now... all I have to do is deliver this to Tenten's doorstep! But! I cannot to it without a helper to bring it to her! It can't be Sasuke...it has to be... Aha! Perfect!" The Hyuuga bit his thumb so it would bleed.

"Kuchiyose no Jutsu!" Neji yelled and slapped his hand flat on the floor. Now...No one knows where, why, or how the Hyuuga had learned a summoning jutsu or where the contract that was required to be signed had come from, but he did it. A poof of smoke and then a quack.

"NANI?" Neji screamed, gazing upon the yellow duck that sat in front of him.

"QUA!" The duck cried and clamped onto Neji's lips with his beak.

"MMMPH! MMMMMMMPH!" Neji struggled, but couldn't break free.

"Neji-kun...?" Tenten walked into the room completely baffled after seeing Neji and a duck doing, what looked like to her, french kissing.

"MENMEN!" Neji tried to say Tenten, but, the duck being stubborn, it didn't quite come out right.

"Men...men...?"

"MO! MI MEANM MOO MAY MENMEN!" Neji, once again tried to speak, this time trying to say 'no, I meant to say Tenten' but failing pathetically. Tenten put her hands on her hips.

"Hyuuga Neji, there is something drastically wrong with you... because, as flat-chested as you think I am, I am not a man..."

He stared at her, bewildered. 'Naw, really?' He thought.

"Well... I know! Let's go to the doctors! He'll know exactly what to do! Besides, you know him personally!" Neji stared as he and the duck attached to his lips were drug through Konoha to the doctors' office. They were greeted by Sakura.

"Ah! Neji-kun! Wtf is on your lips?"

"He was french kissing a duck..." Tenten replied.

Sakura stared at her.

"Say that again."

"He was french kissing a duck."

"And... again...?"

"He was french kissing a duck...?"

"One more time...?"

"He... was... french... kissing... a... duck...!"

Sakura stared at her for a moment... and then...

"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ZOMG! HEY, EVERYONE! THE HYUUGA NEJI FRENCH KISSED A DUCK!"

Everyone in the hospital stared at the strange duck-boy. Even the people who had been cremated came back to life just to stare at the strange duck-boy.

"Ahem... Sakura-san... could you please just have the doctor look at him...?"

'Matte... she's not the doctor...?' Neji thought surprisedly.

"Sure, Tenten-chan! OI! DOCTOR UCHIHA! COULD YOU PLEASE LOOK AT HYUUGA?" There was a grunt, a crash, and a lab-coated Sasuke came out of the back looking furious, his peacock-haircut sticking out everywhere, making his head look like a giant black porcupine. Even Jiraiya's enhanced hair would bow down to Sasuke's pointedness.

"Sasuke-kun! You're the doctor...?"

"Hai..." He said absently, grabbing Neji and dragging him to the back. Tenten followed.

* * *

"DAMMIT, DUCK! RELEASE THE HYUUGA!" Sasuke screamed five minutes later, literally stretching Neji's lips to pry the duck off. Neji was sitting on a cold metal table strapped straight to the wall so 'doctor' Sasuke could pry the duck off. 

"DUUUUUCK! MEET YOUR END! YOU DON'T GET OFF NEJI AND YOU'LL BE DINER!" Tenten screamed, hitting the duck, who immediately let go and flew away. Sasuke looked after it.

"Can ducks fly...?"

"Apparently..."

"Memmem..." Neji moaned, trying to say Tenten. His lip had been stretched out enough to make a highway out of. Tenten stared at him.

"Sasuke...?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you make that normal again...?"

"Yeah."

A moment silence.

...and more silence...

And then...

"Well?"

"Eh?"

"Aren't you going to fix Neji-kun?"

"No..."

"WHAT? You just said-"

"That I could. I never said I would..."

They stared at him.

"But... you will, right?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Of course!" Sasuke added, looking as blunt as ever.

"Well... shouldn't you be doing that...?"

"Oh... right." Sasuke then went over and stomped on Neji's elongated lips. They suddenly swelled up to the size of balloons then shrunk back to size. "There..."

"Aiya! Arigato gozaimasu, Sasuke-san!" Tenten squealed.

"Right... now. Neji?"

"Yeah?"

"Get off of my surgically-sterilized spaying/neutering table..."

Neji stared at him.

"Wait...spaying... slash... neutering... table...?"

"Yeah."

"...Ano... Watashi wa..." Neji started, but couldn't think at the moment.

"What." Sasuke stated, glaring at Neji from a corner.

"This... this is a... a... hospital..."

"What of it...?"

"You neuter/spay..." Neji's voice shook and he couldn't get the last word out.

"Humans." Sasuke finished, remaining unphased. Tenten and Neji stood/sat there, staring at him. "Neji?"

"Get. Off. Of. My. Metal. Table."

"Metal...? Hey! You should wear your metal pant-"

"Don't... ever... talk about... my... metal pants..." Sasuke growled. Neji blinked, as did Tenten. "Now... GET OFF OF MY TABLE!"

Neji leapt up and ran out, Tenten following suit. On the way out, they briefly heard something that scarred them for life.

"I'm here for my neuter appointment!"

Neji and Tenten had never run faster in their entire life after hearing that.

* * *

"Neji?" 

"Yeah?"

"Don't EVER let me hear the words Sasuke and metal in the same sentence again..."

"Right..."

Suddenly, Ino and Chouji walked by.

"Yeah, and Sasuke's metal pants were-"

That did it.

"AAAAAGH!" Tenten was about to go commando in public. Neji had to calm her down.

"TENTEN! DIARY! FOUND!" He screamed suddenly, out of no where. Tenten stopped and looked at him, noticing the Hyuuga was now holding a little book out to her. She took it from him and looked inside the front cover.

"It's...it's... MY DIARY!" She screamed. Neji couldn't believe how slow people were in this village.

"Yeah..."

"OH THAN- wait a minute... so you DID have my diary! HOW DARE YOU!" She started to advance on him. He backed up and thought fast.

"LOOK AT THE LAST ENTRY!" He screamed in haste. She stopped, and, reluctantly, looked at it. Her eyes widened as she read what Neji had wrote forging Sasuke's name.

"THAT... That... TTTEEEEMMMEEEE! TEME, TEME, TEME!" Tenten screamed, forgetting all her rage against Neji and putting it all towards... "I'M GONNA KILL ITACHI!" Neji stopped.

"Matte... Ita... Ita... ITACHI?"

"Yeah... see? It says 'love, the sharingan warrior, Uchiha'. Who else could it possibly be?"

"Gee, I dunno. Maybe it's the metal-panted doctor who neuters humans!" Neji screamed. Tenten's light bulb finally burnt out.

"...who's that...?"

The Hyuuga gaped at her. She was as slow as a slow motion amv.

"... Does the name 'Sasuke' ring a bell...?" Neji asked. Tenten's light bulb went back on.

"Hey! He's the metal-panted doctor who neuters humans, right?"

"YES!" Neji yipped sarcastically. "Well? Aren't you gonna rip his ass out?"

"EEEEW! THAT REMINDS ME OF NEUTERING! STOP IT!" Tenten's eyes were wide. "But, yeah. He's going down."

* * *

A/N: Eh. 


	19. Neji, Tenten, And The Uchiha Duo

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto series!

* * *

Tenten stormed off in the direction of the Uchiha boy. She was gonna get to Sasuke before anything else happened. Neji didn't even know why he wrote that! He guessed it was because he couldn't stand the insanity the diary was putting him through. Even so, he didn't REALLY want to see Sasuke hurt by the girl he loved. (Mainly because he didn't want to EVER see an angry Tenten again) 

"Tente-" He tried to go after her, but was caught by Kiba.

"Hey, Neji! Think you can help me out giving Akamaru a bath?"

Neji groaned unintentionally.

"Well... I kind of-"

"Great! Come on!" Kiba dragged the Hyuuga by the arm over to wash Akamaru. "Don't worry! This won't take long!"

* * *

Tenten clenched her fists as she headed in the direction of the Uchiha estate. 'Ooo... he's gonna get it! I'll rip his ass off, just like Neji-kun suggested!' She thought angrily. She was still quite a while away from his house, so Neji still had some time. Speaking of Neji...

* * *

"QUICK! MAN DOWN! CALL FOR REINFORCEMENTS!" Kiba shouted from behind his staircase over the roar of the little puppy. 

"COPY, UNIT ONE!" Yes. Neji was speaking spy again. He did love his spying. Akamaru was out of the tub and, having taken a soldier pill, was completely red.

"RAWR!" The 'innocent' puppy cried, ripping at everything in the house. He was soapy and completely wet. Luckily enough, Kiba's older sister walked into the room and stared on the scene.

"Osuwari!"

"Nee-chan!" Kiba looked towards the voice to find it being his sisters'. Akamaru immediately stopped and sat down, returning to normal color, panting happily. He yipped twice.

"So, even a Hyuuga and an Inuzuka couldn't stop a simple-minded puppy like Akamaru?" She shook her head with a sigh. "Look... I have patients in the back, so I gotta go. Just, TRY to not let Akamaru eat the house!"

Kiba and Neji both sighed with relief.

"I gotta go, too. Sorry, Kiba. But, I gotta stop Tenten from killing Sasuke. Bye..." Neji stood up and dashed out the door. The Inuzuka stood there.

"Killing... Sasuke...?"

* * *

"TENTEN?" Neji shouted, dashing through Konoha from the rooftops. He stopped and panted. "Ugh... I need a pixie stick!" He told himself, having run out of energy. He was just about to head to the candy store, when... 

"NEJI? OI! NEJI!" Naruto bounded up to the Hyuuga, who, angrily, turned around.

"WHAT?"

"Uh... I just wanted to ask if you could help me with my taijutsu training! Can ya?" Naruto pleaded. Neji stared at him.

"You're kidding, right?"

Naruto stared back.

"No..."

"Me? Help you with taijutsu...?"

"Well... yeah..."

The wind blew their hair in a 'whoosh'-type fashion as they stared each other in the eyes, Neji unblinkingly, Naruto strangely.

"Um... well?"

"I. Hate. You."

Whooooosh.

"O-... okay..."

Neji glared at Naruto with a hate. Naruto sort of backed away slowly.

"Ano... I'll be going... ja ne..." With that, the Uzumaki jumped off hastily. The Hyuuga blinked twice, then continued on his way to the candy store.

* * *

Tenten was halfway to Sasuke's, the burning hatred still high in her expression. 

"I'm gonna kill that teme... He won't last the night... or the hour! WAHAHAHA! Ahem... okay... that's over..." She coughed, blinked, then walked on.

* * *

Neji was at the candy store! 

"And this one, and this one, and this one, and this one, OH! And don't forget about the other 597 pixie sticks!" The Hyuuga was the center of attention as he loaded every pixie stick available into his bag. People in the shop, and outside, stopped what they were doing just to stare at him in total astonishment. Neji quickly hurried out like a bandit, laughing maniacally. He found a tree and scurried up it in a squirrel-type fashion. He sat on the highest limb and took out all his pixie sticks.

Everything went downhill from there.

* * *

"Oh, SasUUUUUke!" Tenten called in a sing-song voice, emphasizing the 'u' for some odd reason. She stopped and listened. Nothing. "Damn... I could've sworn that I had heard his-" 

"Itachi-nii-san?"

Tenten's surprise grew into an evil smirk, worthy of the Grinch.

"Perfect..." She whispered and concealed herself in the upper branches of a tree.

* * *

Back with Neji... 

BOOM!

"WAHAHAHAHA!" The Hyuuga jumped out of the flour bag he had burrowed himself in and dashed through the village, toppling everything. He would now be known as 'the white flash of Konoha'.

"ME ME ME! MINE MINE MINE! IT IS MINE! ALL MINE!" He shouted, collecting nuts, now. Chestnuts, walnuts, cashews, peanuts, and everything above, below, and in between. Why? Well... no body really knew...

* * *

"Itachi... is... pushing Sasuke... on... a swing..." Tenten had officially forgotten her rage as she now understood the true meaning of 'brotherly love'. Itachi was laughing gaily as he pushed lightly on Sasuke's, who was on the swing, back. 

"Ita-nii-san! Push me higher! Higher!" Sasuke squealed happily.

"Okay, Sa-chan! Hold on tight! I wouldn't want you to get a boo-boo!" Itachi stated with a smile and pushed Sasuke a little higher.

"Wee!"

Tenten was gonna faint. It was... just not supposed to happen! Itachi and Sasuke...? No! Itachi killed the clan and left Sasuke alive so he could come back and kill him! Or... was it... that Itachi REALLY left Sasuke alive... because... he loved him? Tenten almost fell out of her tree at this thought.

'I am an idiot and I need to shut up!' Tenten yelled at inner self. (A/N: Hey! It's not just Sakura's thing! Ino had an inner self in the series!)

"Nii-san...?" Sasuke leapt off the swing when it was at it's peak and easily drifted to Tenten's branch, landing solidly beside her. "It's... It's not what it looks like!" Sasuke stuttered, blushing furiously.

"What's wrong, Sasukins?" Itachi asked, using his nickname as he leapt up beside his little brother.

"Itata! There's a woman in this tree!" Sasuke said (also using the nickname thing) pointing directly at Tenten's right breast. The weapons mistress remembered suddenly and, of course, 'unknowingly' why she was here.

"Oh yeah! I gotta kill Sasuke!" Tenten smiled happily. The Uchiha duo looked at her.

"N-... Nani?"

* * *

"WHOOSH! BYAKUGAN!" Neji activated his byakugan, still in his sugar rush. He had now stored his chestnuts in his cheeks and was chewing on them as he went. They were pretty hard... 

"DAMN NUTS! SCREW THEM!" Neji shouted after stopping and threw the chestnuts on the ground. Everyone stared at him. He blinked. "Uh...I didn't mean it that way... I'm seriously a virgin..." The Hyuuga calmly informed the crowd. It was official: Neji was high off sugar. He gasped suddenly.

"OH! TENTEN! SHE'S IN A TREE WITH TWO UCHIHAS!... That sounded strange..." With that, Neji took off, fully sugar-crazed in their direction.

* * *

"Itachi... please move... I know you wanted Sasuke to kill you, but I-" 

"What? I don't want my beautiful little brother to stain his precious hands in bad deeds!" Itachi stated innocently. "I only killed the clan because I wanted Sasuke all to myself..."

That did it... No one had ever seen a more shocked Tenten in the fate of foreverness.

"But...but... but... you... he...woooow..." Tenten managed to say in short gasps. Itachi nodded.

"Yeah..."

BOOM!

"It's NEJI!" Neji screamed as he laughed his way in between the Uchiha's and Tenten. "TENTEN! GUESS WHAT! I HAD 601 PIXIE STIX! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! I ATE THEM ALL! THEY'RE IN MY TUMMY!" He shouted psychotically. "And... and... and they were GOOOOD!"

Itachi stared at him, having never seen the 'new' Neji before.

"Isn't that..." Itachi pointed slowly to the Hyuuga, but Sasuke stopped him.

"It's a sad, sad thing when you have to introduce one to a pixie stick..." Sasuke stated, shaking his head in shame.

"Neji-kun... why don't you let me get Gai, Lee, and the giant tranquilizer..."

"WHAT! AND RUIN THE FUN! I THINK NOT!" Neji quirked a crooked smile, his eyes wide and dilated. Itachi's mind suddenly devised a plan. He remembered hearing the tale of Kimimaro and Lee's match, and suddenly got a strange notion to do something completely irrelevant to the plot. Silently, he slipped inside the Uchiha estate.

In the kitchen, he could still hear Neji shouting, high of the candy, about how great it was to eat a pixie stick, Tenten groaning, starting to forget why she was here in the first place, and a completely confused Sasuke standing silently beside them both. Itachi swiftly put clear liquid into a medium glass and took it back out to them, handing it to Tenten.

"Here... make him drink this... it will calm him down..." Itachi said slowly. Tenten took it, a little apprehensive, but gave it to Neji anyways.

"Here, Neji-kun! Please drink this! For me?" She coaxed.

"Alright! I guess... but, then I gotta run 500 laps around Konoha, okay?" The Hyuuga stated, already jumpy with excitement. The sugar rush wasn't going down.

He took a sip of the liquid, then found himself downing the entire thing. Stumbling backwards, he fell over and dropped the glass, tripping over his own two feet. Itachi smirked and Tenten realized something wasn't right.

"Uchiha Itachi, what did you do to my Neji-kun?" Tenten demanded. Itachi broke into laughter.

"Oh, nothing! He did it to himself anyways! Besides! You're the one who gave him the alcohol!"

Tenten stopped.

"Al... Alco... Alcohol? WHY THE HELL- NEJI! SPEAK TO ME!" Tenten knelt beside him, dropping the diary Sasuke and Itachi's feet. Neji sat up and looked at Tenten with a slight hiccup.

"Twentwen all bwurry... Neji go nigh-nigh..." Neji's cheeks were flushed bright red and his eyelids hung droopily. He started to go to sleep, but Tenten shook him awake. She realized something that no one else had that could work to her advantage.

"Neji. You're gonna tell me the truth right now. Were you the one who had my diary?"

The Hyuuga stared up at her, in his eyes, seeing three Tenten's. It was official: Neji was drunk.

"Ummmm... Well, I..."

Tenten leaned in, ready to hear it and slap him. Of course, Neji, being drunk, was ready to admit everything in only a matter of seconds. He wouldn't hesitate, and when he was sober, he wouldn't even know what he had said at all.

"Neji-kun...? C'mon! Tell Tenten a yes or a no! Did you have Tenten's diary?" Tenten said in a baby voice. Neji giggled slightly.

"Well, actually, I..."

-TBC-

* * *

A/N: We got a cat! We (meaning I) named it Neji! 


	20. Neji Is Neji

A/N: Yeaah...

Disclaimer: I dun own, as usual, the Naruto series (sob sob)

* * *

"Well, actually, Ididhave it... butnowyouhave it..." Neji slurred his words, making it hard for her to understand, but, she knew that meant yes. 

"Hyuuga Neji, you jerk!" Tenten screamed and slapped him with all her might, leaving a bleeding red mark on Neji's left cheek. The Hyuuga blinked, surprisedly.

"Ya know what, you flat chested biotch? I love you!" He hugged her and planted a big sloppy kiss on her lips. Tongue met tongue and Tenten leapt backwards, screaming random cuss words at him. Sasuke and Itachi just stood there, nose-bleeding, as Neji then ripped Tenten's shirt in the front, revealing a lacy baby-pink bra. "Zwow..." Neji laughed drunkenly and fell flat on the floor. Tenten stood there, anger rising in her expression.

"Hyuuga... Neji..." She growled in a tone worthy of Satan himself. "Go. To. HELL!" She shouted and punched him harder than the time she punched him in the hot springs. Itachi whistled in amazement, Sasuke gaped.

"WEEEEEEEEE!" Neji screamed as he sailed through the air. He swam like a fish and people below pointed at the strange child. Of course, seeing Neji flying through the air... that wasn't really that abnormal anymore. In fact...

"Hey! It's Neji, the flying pajama boy, again!" Gai stated, pointing at the figure in the sky that looked suspiciously like Neji swimming like a fish. Lee's eyes sparkled.

"He must've upset Tenten... AGAIN! YOSH!" Lee screamed.

Back with Tenten, Sasuke, and Itachi...

"Eh? Sasukins...? What's that?" Itachi pointed down at Tenten's diary. Sasuke looked down at it. Tenten wasn't paying attention.

"Oh! That's Tenten's diary... OMG! THAT'S-" Itachi covered Sasuke's mouth immediately, snagged the diary (and his brother) and dashed away. Tenten turned around at a sudden 'whoosh'.

"Itachi? Sasuke...?" She looked around. And then noticed... "YOU GAY-WAD UCHIHA DUO! GIVE ME MY DIARY OR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND PUMMEL YOU BOTH INTO PIXIE STICKS AND NEJI WILL EAT YOU!" She then dashed off after them.

Back with Neji...

The Hyuuga soon started to fall from the sky, not having enough momentum to continue going. Suddenly, he spotted where he was gonna land. He recognized it well.

Splash!

He was back in Sasuke's pool.

"NOT AGAIN!" He suddenly saw a yugioh card float by and sighed, picking it up. "Dark Magician... Sasuke is a nerd..."

"WHAT WAS THAT, HYUUGA? IN MY POOL AGAIN?" He spun (in the water) around and saw Itachi standing there with Sasuke on his back in a piggy-back-type fashion.

"Uh... Y-yeah..." Neji stuttered and got out immediately. Itachi stopped him by holding out Tenten's diary. "Nani...?"

"Take it," He stated simply.

"Uh... thanks?" The Hyuuga stated. He thought he was rid of it and the angry Tenten. With that, Itachi and Sasuke 'flew' away by leaping. Neji stood there. 'Why did they leave their house with me?' He went into the Uchiha estate and looked around a bit. He recognized the long hallway which led to Sasuke's yugioh sanctuary and smirked. He suddenly saw pictures. "Hmm... what're these?" He looked at one of the pictures that one of the Uchiha duo had pinned to their cork board. Gazing on it, he got a sick feeling. It was a picture of Itachi and Temari. The Hyuuga twitched slightly at the position the two were in: Itachi on top of a half-naked Temari. He immediately put it back and looked at another picture. It was of Itachi and Sasuke on a fishing trip with their dog, Mr. Scruffles, who was a white schnauzer. His right eye was now in a twitching fit. "I... am officially scarred for life..." Neji stated bleakly. He suddenly heard a pounding on the side of the house and he put the picture back and went to the nearest window to look. He pulled the blinds back and saw...

"HYUUGA NEJI! COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR AND NO ONE WILL GET HURT!"

There were police nin surrounding the outskirts of the Uchiha estate, Sasuke and Itachi were there, too. His clear eyes then flew to the source of the banging. It was Tenten instructing Sakura, Ino, Hinata, and Temari to bash the door down with a giant log.

"THREE!" Tenten screamed and the quartet with the log bashed the door in, causing an explosion. Neji dove for cover behind the nearest house plant. Through the smoke, the Hyuuga saw a figure immerging. It was a very macho Tenten... and she had a machine gun.

"Neeeeejiii..." She cooed in her smoothest voice. "Come here, Neji! Come here!" She called. Neji growled slightly.

'She'll never catch me!' He yipped in his mind and scurried to the stairs. Tenten's eyes narrowed.

"Oh, Neji-kun! I see you!" She then shot the machine gun right through the wall and out the back. You could hear Itachi complaining, in the background, about all the insurance he would need to cover that. Neji was officially scared out of his mind. He had never been chased by a love-sick girl with a machine gun, chasing him and shooting at him for a diary.

'Damn! Girls must really love their diaries! Or... maybe that's just Tenten...' Neji then ran around the corner on the second floor and disappeared into Sasuke's room. If he had been in a right state of mind at the moment, he would've noticed the giant poster of Sakura and his giant clay sculpture of Naruto in the corner, but he was sort of being chased by a maniac at the moment.

"NEJI!" Tenten shouted.

"WHAT?" Neji yelled back instinctively.

"I WANT MY DIARY!"

The Hyuuga couldn't think.

"I-... I DON'T HAVE IT!"

"YES YOU DO! ITACHI GAVE IT TO YOU!"

"SAYS WHO?"

"ITACHI!"

Well that just ruined it!

"Oh... HERE YOU GO, THEN!" He quickly threw a little diary out of the room. It slid to a halt by Tenten's feet. She picked it up and smiled, dropping her machine gun.

"YOU'RE FORGIVEN, FOR NOW! I'M GONNA KILL YOU LATER, THOUGH! OKAY?" She giggled then ran out of the hole in the wall. Neji sighed.

"Phew... she fell for it!" Neji gripped Tenten's diary in his hand tighter and smiled to himself. "I wonder when she'll figure it out..." Neji smiled and ran out of Sasuke's house, also using the hole in the wall. He then ran on the path to home.

"Ooo! Pachinko!" Neji blinked, attracted by the many lights. "I WANNA PLAY!" He shouted and smirked, looking both ways before slipping silently through the double doors. He saw all the machines lined up one by one and smiled. He had never been to a pachinko parlor before.

Back with Tenten...

Tenten was at home now, the day ending. She smiled to herself, thinking she got her diary back. "Okay, Neji!" She said to her gueni pig. "Time to restart our nightly diary entries!" Neji, the gueni pig, grunted happily. She opened the cover to the diary and saw sloppy writing about it. She blinked. "This... isn't my writing..." She read the first diary entry:

_Hullo, Diary!_

_Hey! I'm Sasuke! I have blackish hair and black eyes to! Guess what! I have a secret! I have a HUGE crush on this pink haired kunoichi named Sakura! Oh, man! She's SO cute and awesome! I wish I could bang her! Oh... wow! Yeah, I'm twelve years old, and shouldn't be thinking about those things, but DAMN! She's SO hot! I'm sighing right now because she always notices me, but I always tell her to fuck off because I don't know what to say! I've NEVER had a... a... GIRLFRIEND before. But, yeah. If I could get in the same room as her, I'd totally bang her... and, yeah. Then I'd be happy. Yay! Okay... well, I give people the expression that I'm all... ya know... like annoying and pissy, but yeah. I love all those hot fangirls I have! ...except that one really ugly one with the unibrow! She's so ugly! But, then again! There's Sakura... Oh man... so... smexy! Yeah, I am drooling! Oh! And then there's this other hotty named Tenten, who I'd also like to bang!_

She stopped there.

"This... is NOT my diary!" She screamed, then got a flashback.

Neji switched the covers to their diaries right before he threw it to her.

"THAT DAMN HYUUGA NEJI! I SHALL... Um... I couldn't hurt my precious Neji-kun! No, no, No! That'd be bad! Ooo... but if he's hurt... I could totally take advantage of him!" She smiled at that thought, then closed Sasuke's diary.

Back with Neji...

"YATTA! I WIN!" He yelled as chips came pouring out of the pachinko machine. Everyone was crowded around him in amazement. He had now won 34 times straight. The crowd murmured their envy as Neji went in to exchange the chips for some snazzy prizes. "I'm gonna buy a plushie for Tenten!" Neji giggled silently.

The door swung open and a familiar face walked in. Of course, it was the legendary sucker.

"Hey, Tsunade-sama!" Neji waved to the Hokage. She smiled back.

"Well, well! Is Neji gambling?"

"Yeah, why? You are, aren't ya?"

"Well, yeah, but that's because I'm a lot older! In fact, I happen to be- uh.. ahem. Never mind. You don't need to know that! Wait a minute! HOW MANY FRIGGIN TIMES DID YOU WIN? YOU HAVE, LIKE, OVER A MILLION CHIPS!"

Neji looked down at the pile of chips in his arms.

"Uh... I won 34 times..." He stated simply and looked back to her. She was gaping at him.

"You... you... OH MI HOLY- HOW! I COMMAND YOU TO TEACH ME YOUR SECRET!"

"Sorry, but I gotta-"

"THEN GIVE ME YOUR CHIPS!"

Neji stared at her. She was Hokage... but, they were HIS chips.

"I'm buying a teddy bear for Tenten, so you can't-"

"BUT I NEEEED THEM!" Tsunade whined.

Neji sighed and handed her one chip. The Hokage took it and looked at it, then back to Neji.

"It... It's a chip..."

"That's what you wanted."

"I know... but... dude... you have, like... a million chips... and you give your leader one? You're mean..." Tsunade glared. Shizune came running in.

"Tsunade-sama, I found you! You're lucky Ton-ton tracks scents!" She stuttered in a panting voice.

"Well... uh... I'm gonna go buy that teddy bear now..." Neji stated and went to the counter. "One teddy bea- wait... what if Tenten doesn't like teddy bears? Omg... WHAT DO I DO! Lesse... what does she like..." The first thing that came to mind was guy's asses, then Sasuke's metal pants. "EEEEW! STOPPIT!" The cashier cocked an eyebrow at him. "I'll get her..." He scanned the prizes. He could afford all of them. He had hit the jackpot 34 times, after all. "She likes... WEAPONS! But... there are none..."

"Oh, Neji! I have a pocket-knife if you give me those chips!" Tsunade called. Neji turned slowly. It was, sort of, a weapon.

"POCKET KNIFE!" He screamed and snagged it from her, dropping ALL the chips at her feet. "THANKS, TSUNADE-SAMA!" And with that he ran off in Tenten's direction.

Back with Tenten...

The weapons mistress had loaded herself with kunai and shuriken galore. Not to mention she took a couple senbon and katana, too.

"Now, all I gotta do is find... Neji!" Tenten suddenly spotted her boy-toy, who was walking slowly towards her house, holding a pocket knife. "Wh-... Why is he holding a... rusty old pocket knife? It's so... out of style..."

* * *

"I'm gonna marry Tenten!" Neji sung happily skipping, slightly drunkenly. He laughed and fell over into the grass. The alcohol was having a strange comeback at this moment. Tenten was about to approach him, but noticed a red-haired boy with 'ai' printed on his forehead walking over to Neji. 

"Neji?" Gaara looked over Neji.

"PANDA MAN!" Neji shouted and hugged Gaara, who tried to pull away, but suddenly noticed that a drunk teen with a pocket knife could be dangerous, and stayed in the hug.

"Uh... Neji?"

"Panda?" He giggled and hugged him tighter, now cutting off his blood circulation.

"Ne... ji... you...'re... hugg...ing...too...tight!" Gaara panted. The sand started, instinctively, to protect him. "NO! BAD SAND!" He shouted at it.

Tenten gazed down on the two with a dropped jaw. No! That didn't happen! SHE was supposed to be down there hugging Neji! Not Gaara! The next thing that happened, made her practically fall out of her tree.

Neji. Kissed. Gaara.

"Oh... my... GOD! NO!" Tenten fell, literally, out of her tree and landed smack dab on the ground. "HOLY NEJI CRUMPETS!" She screamed. Neji fell backwards drunkenly and looked up at Tenten.

"Heya, Tenten! Whazzup?" He shouted, slurring his words. She gaped at him, then got really angry. Pulling three kunai and five senbon out, she advanced on him.

"Hyuuga Neji..." She growled. Gaara noticed a female with a weapon coming towards them with a very irate aura emitting from her. He jumped to the side at the last second when Tenten angrily threw the kunai and senbon at her love. Neji leapt to his feet, then to the right.

"Tenten-chan!" He shouted happily and ran towards her. She didn't have time to react before he jumped into her arms and smacked a kitty-like kiss/lick on her lips. She dropped him and he hit his head and slumped into Tenten's legs, smothering his face in her ass. She blushed bright tomato red and slapped him, awaking him once more.

"Oh! Heya, Tenten-chan!" Neji said, coming to his senses once more and was about to do the same thing all over again, but, unfortunately for him, she punched him down before he could do it. Gaara stood in the background, blinking.

'Is this how all lovers tell each other they love the other?' He thought, blinking again.

"Hyuuga Neji, you need to go to counseling!" Tenten growled angrily and dragged him to a tree, pulling out a rope. She tied him to a tree and muffled him with a rag. Neji's eyelids drooped from the alcohol.

"Wmmmph..." He mumbled, trying to tell Tenten that she needed anger management. Gaara sidestepped to the right and ran off as fast as he possibly could. He knew what was coming next.

SLAP! BAM! BANG! And... a scream from the almighty Hyuuga Neji.

Looking back on the scene, Tenten was panting heavily, glaring at Neji, who was on the floor with more than a hundred bruises and bumps all over his body. He also was bleeding in several places. It seemed to be from claws...

Tenten suddenly noticed that someone (she) had beat up her precious Neji-kun.

"N-... Neji-k-kun? NO! WHO DID THIS TO YOU?" She gaped and ran over to him, cooing softly at him, trying to heal all his wounds. She hugged him, sobbing.

"You did..." The Hyuuga stated annoyedly. Tenten looked at him, coming out of the hug.

"I... I did?" She asked suddenly, sounding completely astonished. "WHY WOULD I HAVE DONE THAT TO YOU! I LOVE YO-" She stopped. He stopped. Everything stopped. Even the squirrel taking a piss next to them stopped. Neji sat up.

"You... just said..."

"No I didn't..."

"But, I could've sworn that you..."

"No I didn't..."

"Yes you did!"

"No... I didn't..."

"Then, you said something that meant it!"

"No I didn't..."

He stared at her. She stared at him. He blinked.

"I win..."

"What?"

"We were staring at each other. You blinked... Therefore, I win..."

Neji couldn't understand her. Ever. Staring contest? What was wrong with this girl?

"Tenten...? You just changed the subject..."

"I know..."

A long pause followed. The wind blew around them as they sat looking each other in the eyes. White filled brown as they didn't break the focus for another eternity.

"Tenten-chan... I... I just want to say... That... Well... Have I ever told you.. that... that... that I-... I.. l-lo-love... y-you...?"

Tenten stared at him, thinking he must be Hinata in disguise.

"No. No you haven't," She said, unblinkingly.

"Well... I do..." He stated, and took her hands passionately.

"Neji?"

"Yes...?"

"Are you still drunk...?"

Neji blinked and looked around him.

"Tenten?"

"Yeah...?"

"Hold up some fingers and ask me how many there are..."

"Uh..." She held up three fingers. "How many, Neji-kun?"

Neji's eyes tried to focus in, but, apparently, he was still drunk.

"Six?"

"Neji-kun... there's only five fingers on the human hand..."

"Four."

"No, I'm holding up three..."

"No, I meant there are only four fingers on the human hand."

"What?"

"You know... the thumb isn't a finger... at least... that's what Hizashi used to tell me when I was little..."

Tenten stared at him. He NEVER talked about his father before. EVER. She inwardly smiled at this. He had just ever-so-slightly opened up to her. She smiled on the outside and hugged him. He was clueless.

"Oh, Neji-kun!" She laughed and pecked him. Neji was now slightly scared. What was she hugging him for...? He hugged her back, not sure why, but it seemed like the right thing to do in this situation. "Hey, Neji-kun?"

"Yeah...?"

"Why'd you give me Sasuke's diary...?"

Neji pulled away from the hug to see a slightly annoyed, slightly happy Tenten.

"Well... I dunno... I just did..."

"Oh, well... I did find out that Sasuke wants to bang Sakura and me..." She stated, cocking an eyebrow.

"He... You? I mean... Sakura, I can understand, but YOU? Remind me to kill him later... I mean seriously, kill... like, slaughter, okay?"

Tenten stared at him.

"Okay...?" She stuttered. Suddenly... Sasuke walked by. He was with Gaara and Lee. Why they were out on a 'walk' (as it seemed) around dusk was questionable.

"UCHIHA!" Neji shouted, and got up, fully healed by Tenten. Sasuke looked over.

"Hey, Hyuuga!" He shouted back.

"YOU WANNA BANG MY GIRL, YOU GOTTA ASK ME FIRST AND I SAY NO, SO FUCK OFF, BIOTCH!" Neji shouted angrily. Tenten, Gaara, and Lee all stared wildly at him, and then at Sasuke.

"Sasuke... you... and Tenten?" Lee asked slowly. "That's not very youthful..."

The Hyuuga was now over to Sasuke and was holding up a fist. Sasuke stared at him.

"How... How'd you KNOW?" The Uchiha stared at him.

"Tenten. Read. Your. Diary." Neji stated boldly. Sasuke gaped at him, then at Tenten. He blushed like a cherry.

"YOU MEANIE! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO READ A DIARY!" Sasuke shouted.

"It's 'you're not supposed to read a GIRLS' diary'!" Tenten corrected annoyedly.

"Oh... well, okay."

Gai ran up to the five genin with a giant tranquilizer.

"Where's Neji?" He asked frantically. Everyone pointed to Neji.

"What! No... NO! YOU BETRAYERS!" Neji shouted and staggered backwards, ready to run from Gai and his tranquilizer.

"NEJI! COME TO ME AND I WON'T STAB YOU!" Gai shouted. Neji pulled something out of his pocket with a smirk. Everyone gasped.

"No... it can't be..." Tenten whispered.

"But... it IS!" Sasuke shouted.

"I thought he already ate all those..." Lee cocked his head.

"I thought so, too!" Gaara said lightly, then they all gaped at the Hyuuga, who had just poured his final pixie stick down his mouth.

"GAI-SENSEI! GET THE TRANQUILIZER! QUICK!" Lee shouted. Everyone hurried. Gai approached the newly encrazed Hyuuga.

"Now, Neji... come to me slowly and easily... okay? Don't worry... I'm not going to hurt you..."

Neji hissed at his sensei and leapt off with a maniacal laugh into the treetops.

"Well, that went well..." Tenten sighed sarcastically.

"Tenten! Lee! This will be your first night mission! This is an S-ranked and extremely difficult! Your mission: Capture Hyuuga Neji!" Gai stated, doing his 'nice guy' pose with a 'ping' from his shiny teeth. Lee copied his clone and dashed off into the trees. Tenten nodded and leapt after Lee into the forest. Gai turned to Sasuke and Gaara.

"And you two!"

They looked at each other, an awkward pause encasing the trio.

"Never mind!" Gai stated with a smile and jumped into the trees with his giant tranquilizer.

"So... you wanna go to Ichiraku's?" Gaara asked, turning to Sasuke.

"Sorry... I have a neutering appointment that I can't miss. I'm the doctor, after all..." The Uchiha stated and jumped off to his 'hospital'. Gaara stared after him. He had never heard of Sasuke's 'job' and blinked.

"Neutering... appointment...? Doctor...?" Gaara asked no one, shook his head, and started back to Temari and Kankuro, pondering what the hell that meant.

* * *


	21. Neji Sleeps With Tenten lol

A/N: Keh.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto series. If I did... the fillers would've stopped by now...

* * *

Neji was soaring through the treetops, finding every way possible to slow his pursuers down. It was nearing ten pm and was dark, making it even more difficult. Tenten, Lee, and Gai were all tired by now, and Neji was still high on a sugar rush... 

"Neji-kun! Come down from there!" Tenten had caught up to the Hyuuga, who had climbed up to the top of a giant oversized tree and was staying up there, eyes wide and smiling psychotically. The weapons mistress sighed and pulled something out of her pocket. "I'll give you a pixie stick..."

Neji's eyes widened and he jumped down and landed in Tenten's arms, biting the thing she had pulled out of her pocket. He immediately spit it out.

"This isn't-"

"GAI-SENSEI! NOW!" Tenten yelled, putting Neji in a lock-hold. Gai and Lee burst out of the trees and stabbed Neji with their giant tranquilizer. The Hyuuga's body fell limp in Tenten's arms and Lee and Gai gave each other a high five, putting their tranquilizer away.

"Okay... Let me take him to the hospital," Gai started, but Tenten clung to Neji.

"Um... if it's okay with you, Gai-sensei... I'd prefer to take him myself..." She said lightly, smiling and blushing like a fangirl. Gai stared at her for a second, then understood.

"Oh, Tenten! Your youth fills the fountains of love!" Gai chirped, sobbing waterfalls of joy. Lee joined in the 'nice guy' pose.

"Oh, Gai-sensei!" Lee cried.

"Lee!"

Hug, rock, giant splash, sparkles all around... you know the drill... Tenten sweatdropped.

"Er... I'm gonna go now..." She said and quickly jumped off to the hospital with Neji, unconscious, in her arms. Sure, she could've taken advantage of him and everything, but she wasn't that kind of girl. Her moments had to be meaningful... unlike Sasuke's.

* * *

"Oh! Tenten-chan!" Shizune smiled, in her jounin vest, as Tenten approached the desk with Neji in her arms. "Ah... pixie stix?" 

"Pixie stix..."

They both nodded sorrowfully with a sigh.

"Come on... Tsunade-sama has his usual bed prepared for him..."

With all the pixie stick rushes and giant tranquilizers, Neji had become a valued customer to the Konoha hospital. When Shizune led Tenten into the room, everything was set up like the last two(?) times.

"Lay him here and he'll be good in the morning. You can go ho-"

"NO!" Tenten burst out. Shizune stared at her. "Uh... I mean, er... No... thank you! Ahaha. I think I'd like to stay with Neji-kun tonight, if that's okay..."

"Sorry, Tenten... Visiting hours are strictly limited to eleven at the latest. If you wanted to stay with him, you'd have to take him home with you..."

Now... it was Tenten's turn to act like a total dorkish fureak.

"T-take... h-him h-home... wi-with..." She gulped. "Me?" She squeaked out the last part and Shizune nodded. A smile perked her lips. "I'll do it!" Shizune stared at her.

"Wait... you'll-"

"Thanks, Shizune-nee-san!" With that, Tenten rushed out with Neji newly in her arms once more.

Now at home, Neji was laying in Tenten's bed, next to Neji, the gueni pig, who didn't like Neji, the ninja, and successfully bit his nose.

"EEEEEEEEOW!" Echoed through Tenten's house.

"Neji-kun...?" Tenten looked at her ceiling, wondering just what Neji was doing up there. She dashed upstairs with the tea she had made for them.

"NEJI! LET GO OF NEJI!" Tenten yelled at her gueni pig, who, obediently, squeaked and jumped off Neji's nose back into his cage.

"I HATE NEJI!" Neji screamed, holding his bleeding nose.

"Oh, here... lemme help you..." Tenten giggled and put the tea down. She walked over to Neji with a band aid that she had pulled out of her right-hand pocket. The weapons mistress took Neji's hand off his nose so she could see. "There..." She then softly placed the band aid on over the bridge of his nose, leaning in with an arched back. One would say she looked like a sexy cat seducing her German Sheppard boyfriend. She smiled and giggled, noticing Neji was blushing furiously.

"Ano..."

She then pecked him on the lips and stood straight up, turning on her heels to get the tea. Neji stared at her as she turned back around and held out a small glass of green tea. He then was staring at the tea.

"Go on! Take it, silly!" She smiled and shoved the tea into Neji's hands. He took it, belatedly.

"Um... Ten...ten...?" He wasn't sure what to say.

"It's 6 in the evening..." She said after a long sip of tea. He stared at her.

"Huh...?"

"You're gonna stay with me tonight, 'kay?" She winked at me and got up, walking to the door.

"Stay... with... you?" He looked around. "But... there's only one bed..." He said slowly.

"I know!" Tenten laughed and walked out the door, leaving him alone. He stared at the door and then... his nose bleed. Not because Neji had bitten him... because he was imagining... something...

"Hehe... Neji thinks he's gonna sleep with me! I wonder what'll happen! He's staying in the guest room! Hehe!" Tenten giggled as she rounded the corner. Meanwhile... Neji was freaking out...

"OH MI GAWD! I'M GONNA SLEEP WITH TENTEN! I AM SO LUCKY! WAHAHAHAHAHA- OW! OWWWW!" Neji bit Neji... again...

Soon... it was nearing eleven o'clock and Neji just finished beating Tenten in DDR Extreme.

"Yahoo!"

"You sound like Kiba..."

"Do I? Haha!" Neji laughed and fell onto the couch. Tenten smirked and sighed happily, falling onto the couch beside him.

"Well... I guess we should go to bed, now..." She smiled at him and Neji looked at her.

"You mean..."

"Yes..."

Five minutes later...

Neji lay in bed, crying anime-style.

"Sure... I'm sleeping with Tenten... but... I never thought it'd be like this!" He cried. Neji was laying in the middle of the bed with two pillows on either side of him. Both had the number '10' written on it. Yes... it was '10' '10'...

* * *

A/N: Sorry it's short and sucks. 


	22. Neji Goes To A Theme Park

A/N: I'm **warning** you now that this is gonna be a LONG and RUSHED chapter... yeah. Good luck with that.. oh and... GUESS WHAT! I JUST GOT OVER 100 FAVORITES ON THIS STORY! (That's why I'm trying to update for you guys) T.T I only have around eighty-something alerts, though... and like... over 20,000 hits... YATTA! Another **warning: **this chapter is slightly serious... gomen...

Disclaimer: Dun own it... but I wish I did... O.o! I own Neji the gueni pig and Sasuke the moss-covered boulder! Woot!

* * *

Neji awoke the next morning with a shake from the bunned-girl. 

"Neji-kun! Neji-kun, wake up! Wake up!" She yelled at the Hyuuga, who just rolled over sleepily and put a pillow over his head and tried to ignore her. She put her hands on her hips and stood back, preparing to scream at him. Instead, she got a megaphone and yelled into that instead.

"HYUUGA NEJI! WAKE UP! RIGHT NOW!" She screamed. Neji, of course, fell out of the bed and landed with a thump on the floor.

"ITAI! Why'd ya use a gawddamn megaphone!" He yelled, his ears ringing.

"Because you're being lazier than Shikamaru..."

"Keh..."

"Well... anywho, get dressed! We're going to have a fun-filled day!" She yelled, throwing her arms dramatically into the air, as if she had confetti.

"Fun-filled...? What is this 'fun' you speak of...?" Neji questioned. Tenten sighed.

"We're, first, going to a theme-park, then we're gonna go see a late movie, then we're gonna go have dinner at my favorite chinese restaurant, then we'll take a long walk home around midnight! How does that sound, Neji-kun?" The weapons mistress giggled. Neji stared at her.

'She's gotta be kidding... number one: Unless I'm sugar-high, drugged, or completely drunk, I hate theme-parks. Number two: A long walk after dinner is hard on the stomach. Number three: I don't like chinese food... Number four: I'm gonna die and go to heaven spending an entire day with the love of my life...' He concluded. "Sure..." He said aloud. Tenten squealed excitedly.

"Yay! Now, hurry and get dressed! We can leave whenever you want, but I was thinking in about a half an hour! Then we'll get there by nine o clock!"

Neji looked at the clock, which happened to have read eight-thirty.

"Alright..."

Neji got dressed, taking special care of his hair styling... knowing they were gonna be in a big public tourist attraction.

"Hmm... I wonder what kinds of rides we'll go on... Maybe we can go in the tunnel of love!" He smirked, thinking of Tenten and him in a swan boat. "Nah... Tenten's probably is into more furious rides like the Hulk..."

"NEJI-KUN! YOU READY?" Tenten yelled, banging on his door.

"Yeah! Coming!" he ripped the door open, in his outfit that Tenten had bought him at the mall. He had no hitai-ate and had let Tenten put the make-up on over his curse-mark. He looked like a god.

"Ooo! Neji-kun! You look awesome!" She squealed. He wasn't the only one who looked awesome. Tenten had on a white coat that was outlined with pure-white fur on the collar and hands and bottom. Her capris were a creamy blue and her hair not in buns. A few strands of hair dangled from her head and her bangs were combed down to even out the look. The rest of her hair was taught into a loose bunish-type-ponytail with silver dangling earrings to finish off the look. She had on some light make-up that helped bring everything together. He gaped at her.

"Ten...ten..." He gulped, slurping up the drool he was drooling. "You... so... hott..." He said slowly. She cocked an eyebrow, then smirked, grabbing his arm like a fangirl.

"C'mon, Neji-kun! Let's go!" She laughed and drug him to the streets of Konoha.

* * *

"Tenten... I don't know if I wanna go on that..." Neji's eyes widened as he saw the enormous ride Tenten was trying to force him on. The fact was, Neji had a fear of heights. 

The duo had walked the whole way talking. Neji listened mostly and tried his best not to look "down" (ahem ahem) the entire time.

"Oh, C'mon! It'll be fun! Please, Neji-kun? For me?" She giggled, giving him the puppy-dog eyes. The Hyuuga sighed, then gave in.

"F-Fine... but you better... hold me..." He growled under his breath to her. He saw her eyes light up.

"Oh, don't worry! If you're afraid of heights, it'll be fine if you hold on to me! You can even squeeze my hand if you need to!" Tenten gave him a pretty smile, making her look like a goddess, to match Neji's god-like features.

"Well... okay. Let's get in line..."

The duo walked under the sign that said 'Tower of Terror' written in bold black lettering lengthwise. Neji ignored it, trying to work up his nerves. Tenten was casually smiling beside him, trying to get the line to move faster.

* * *

Eventually... they got to the front. That's when Neji broke down. 

"TENTEN! I DON'T WANNA GO ON IT ANYMORE!" He cried, after seeing the ride on the inside.

"Oh, relax! Is the great Hyuuga Neji afraid of a little ride?" She put her hands aggravatedly on her hips.

"Y-yeah..." Neji stuttered. Tenten grabbed his arm.

"Come on..." She said.

They sat down in the middle of the three black rows. (A/N: If you've ever been on... you'll know what I'm talking about. If not... I'll try my best to describe it...) It was one big vehicle that looked like a platform with a bunch of seats organized into three rows plastered on it.

A 'click' echoed throughout the inside of the building and the suspenders came down and locked the duo in. Neji let out a squeak and Tenten giggled. Many others were watching the frightened Hyuuga shrink down as the he grasped the handle bars.

"I said 'relax!' Neji-kun!" Tenten coaxed in an almost annoyed voice. "You can battle millions of experienced ninja, venture out into the unknown, and sleep for over a week straight without any luxury and you're scared of a minute or two of a ride? That's pathetic... I can just see Hiashi-sama scolding you now..." She sighed, shaking her head. Neji straightened out.

"Y-you're r-right... Freaking o-out is f-for Hinata a-and Hanabi... n-not m-me..." Neji stuttered shakily. Tenten was about to say something, but the vehicle started moving slowly forward through two giant doors.

"KIIIIIYAAAAAAA!" Neji screamed. Tenten sighed.

"Neji-kun... the ride has barely started and you're already screaming? Here..." She leaned over (which was very hard with the suspenders there) and kissed him on the lips. That shut him up. He looked to the front with wide eyes. Tenten giggled, then relaxed.

The ride went through the basic story-line of the party many years ago and the elder people dancing around in old dresses with corsets and such. Neji held on tight, even though the ride was moving at a leisurely pace, strolling throughout the "museum" of pictures the ride featured. Suddenly, they came to a halt in, what looked like, a large elevator shaft.

Neji gulped.

"Er... Tenten?"

"What?"

"This is where I scream, right?"

"No, Neji-kun! We still have to go up the shaft, then be dropped from a really long distance!" She said simply.

"Wha- WHAT!" Neji cried.

The ride shifted and the vehicle was risen up and up and up into the shaft, ever so slowly. Neji was gonna die. Literally.

"TENTEN!" He cried. She was humming happily to herself, beside him, her legs swinging freely beneath her.

About two full minutes later, the vehicle stopped and Neji let out a sigh of relief.

"Now you can scream!" She said simply.

"Huh?"

He looked to the front and saw the inside of two clock-tower doors swing open. You could see the entire theme park and more.

"Holy... fucking...-"

"NOW!" Tenten cut him off and something clicked from above. Then, the entire vehicle dropped.

"HOOOOOLY! SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" Neji cried, literally, digging his nails into Tenten arms. Tears were streaming from his eyes as he felt his stomach fly straight past his brain. "KIIIYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Tenten was laughing beside him, almost maniacally. Neji then noticed the horror of his life. The bottom of the shaft was coming. All too fast, too.

"Tenten! We're not gonna stop in time!" Neji screamed, grasping everything he could.

"Yeah, we are!" She laughed over the roar of the ride and the people's screams around them. Neji's heart stopped, as did his breathing, and closed his eyes.

Everything jolted to a strict halt.

One clear eye flickered open.

"Eh?" He looked around to see what had happened. No on was dead. Everyone was laughing and talking about it, still strapped into the vehicle.

"Hehe! Wasn't that fun, Neji-kun?" Tenten giggled. She stopped when she didn't hear a reply. "Er... Neji-kun?" She looked over at him.

Neji had, literally, ripped the fabric open with his nails and had also, literally, ripped Tenten's flesh on her hand open, which she or he hadn't noticed. His eyes were wider than serving platters and his entire body was shaking and sweating.

"Um... Neji-kun... it's time to get out, now..." She said as the bars lifted above their heads. Neji clung to his bar and was lifted up with it. Now the Hyuuga was dangling wildly from a handle bar above the ride. "Neji! Let go!" Tenten yelled and tugged him off. He landed in her arms and she took him off the ride as if he was a little kid and she was his mom.

"Ten... ten... I... am... dead..." Neji said in short gasps.

"Alright, alright! Trust me, I won't ever take you on a ride like that again! Promise! Erm... oh! We should go on the Ferris Wheel!"

"NO!" Neji exclaimed with horror. Tenten suddenly remembered that was a ride that went high.

"Oh! Um... I meant, er... the... uh... oh! Let's go on that!" She pointed to a ride that looked like a zipper. In fact, there was a flashing sign over the top that said 'Zipper'. Neji looked at, then decided it shouldn't be too bad.

"Well... alright. I guess..." He sighed and Tenten clapped her hands together in joy.

"Oh, goodie!" She cried. "After that, can we go on the Hulk? Pretty please? Oh! And then we can go on Sheikra!" She exclaimed, not really giving him much of a choice. She then tugged him to The Zipper.

* * *

They got to the front of the line in no time flat and got into the small cage. Neji wasn't claustrophobic, so he was fine. The ride's attendee slammed the cage door shut and locked it up tight. 

"Say, Neji-kun...? Have you ever been on any rides before?" Tenten asked, leaning onto the cushioned handle-bar.

"Eh? No... not really..." Neji answered. Tenten frowned.

"So... this is your first time to a theme park?"

"Pretty much..."

Tenten blinked and Neji, unintentionally, glared back.

"OH, YOU POOR DEPRIVED CHILD!" The weapons mistress wept and hugged onto Neji's arm. The Hyuuga just sat there.

"Uh... it's... okay?" He said, unsure, and patted her on the back. Suddenly, the car lurched forward.

"KIYA!" Tenten squeaked and hugged on to Neji seriously this time. The Hyuuga blinked.

Then, everything was sent into spirals. It was a perfect match for Neji. (A/N: Neji means screw or spiral) The cart was sent flying up and down and everywhere in-between. The Hyuuga was sitting there, absolutely silent. Tenten, however, was screaming bloody-murder and grasping everything she could find.

'This is gonna be a long ride...' Neji thought with an outward sigh.

* * *

"Okay, Neji-kun! Let's go on the Hulk, now!" Tenten leapt for joy and ran in the green roller coasters direction. Neji just stared at her. 

'How can this girl be up and peppy again after throwing up three times straight in the past five minutes?' He thought, blinking twice, but followed her anyways.

* * *

"Oh! This's gonna be SO much fun!" Tenten laughed as she pushed Neji into his seat, then took a seat beside him. The suspension bars came down and hugged their bodies to the leather exteriors. Neji had no idea of what to expect. This would be his first roller coaster ever. Tenten smiled at him. 

"Ir you're nervous, don't be! I was the first time around, as is everyone, but, trust me! This is nothing to be nervous about! It may be fast and furious, but it's really, really, uber fun!" She exclaimed happily. Neji looked at her.

"But... I'm not nervous..." he said, blinking. They stared at each other for a second. Then, the ride started.

The green vehicle was sent upward into a tunnel-type thing slowly and steadily.

"There's a big rush at the top and it speeds up really quickly, so be ready, Neji-kun!" Tenten giggled. Neji sat there. He could see the opening.

Suddenly, the entire vehicle lurched forward at such a pressure, it sent Neji back into his seat.

The ride's track opened with an enclosed cork-screw and a bunch on loops.

It was over in a matter of seconds.

* * *

Getting off the ride, Tenten and Neji were both laughing happily. 

"Oh, man! You were right, Tenten! That was so awesome!" The Hyuuga practically fell over laughing.

"Yeah, I know!" She wiped the tears from her eyes. "Well... now what? Sheikra?" She questioned, bringing up the red roller coaster with the 90 degree drop.

"I guess..." Neji shrugged, not knowing what the hell this 'Sheikra' was.

"Okay! Let's go!" She then tugged Neji's sleeve and brought him to the ride.

* * *

"So... this is gonna be...?" 

"Really fun and NOT like the Tower of Terror!" Tenten smiled to Neji through the suspension bars. They were already on the lift hill to the top.

"Good..." That was the last thing spoken till they reached the top.

The vehicle rounded the track and came to the drop. It stopped right before it, leaning slightly over the edge and stayed there. Neji looked at Tenten.

"Is it... broken...?" He asked suddenly. The weapons mistress giggled.

"Just wait, Neji-kun..."

He was about to question her, but suddenly, the red vehicle was sent flying down a 90 degree drop. It was the Tower of Terror all over again.

"KIIIIYYAAAAAAAAA!" Neji shrieked, hysterically.

"WEEEEEEE!" Tenten laughed as they plunged down into more and more layers of track.

* * *

Tenten had pried Neji out of the seat of the Sheikra and taken him to where you could see the pictures. 

"Ooo! Neji-kun! Lookie! Hahaha! You look absolutely mortified!" She laughed, pointing up to their picture. Neji stared up at it.

The picture was framed with a giant red bird. There sat Neji on the outside left seat, his right eye in a mid-twitch and his hands digging into the fabric. His mouth was wide open and his once-perfect hair was flying wildly around him. Tenten was sitting next to him with her hands in the air and a wide smile stretched across her face.

He decided he didn't like the picture.

"Oh, I want a key chain!"

'NO!' He couldn't let that happen! All of Konohagakure would see their picture and call him a scardey-cat forever. Then again... it was better than the 'flying pajama boy' or 'Sasuke's pool boy'. He decided he'd just let her take the key chain.

"You get one too!"

'WHAT!' Neji didn't like that. His inner-chibi was telling him that was a bad idea. A VERY bad idea. "Er... fine..." He whispered, blushing furiously.

Tenten ordered two key chains and they each put them onto one of their valuable bags. He made a mental note to steal that key chain later on, not to mention destroy his own. Or... he'd maybe cut out Tenten's picture before burning his own...

"Hey, Neji-kun?" Tenten pondered, walking around the theme-park aimlessly.

"Hn?"

"I'm hungry... It's about lunch time! Wanna get some lunch someplace?"

Neji nodded forcefully. "Yeah... let's go there..." He implied slowly. Tenten looked over to see a hot-dog shop.

"Oh! Yeah! C'mon!" She tugged him once more.

* * *

"One hot dog with relish, mustard, and ketchup, please!" Tenten smiled, handing the cashier the money. "And, you, Neji-kun?" 

"One hot dog... mustard only..." The Hyuuga grunted. Tenten put her hands on her hips.

"Be adventurous, for once in your life!" She commented, but sighed and took her loaded hot dog. "Arigato gozaimasu!" She chirped. Neji took his and grunted some thanks, trotting up behind Tenten.

"Here?"

"Yeah, that's fine!" They sat down at an outside table, eating their hot dogs. After they had finished, they stayed there, gossiping about Konoha.

* * *

"So, what next, Neji-kun?" Tenten asked, looking at a map. 

"Jurassic Park?" Neji commented, looking over her shoulder onto the map.

"Oh! That sounds perfect! A water ride! I need to cool off!" So, they headed in that direction next.

* * *

"Ready, Neji-kun?" Tenten asked, as the two sat into the Jurassic vehicle. 

"I guess... does this ride have any drops?"

Tenten stopped.

"Uh..."

"Well?"

"Kind of..."

"WHAT!"

Neji gaped at her, a glare in his clear eyes. Tenten smiled apologetically.

"It's not a BIG drop..." She lied. Neji sighed and settled into his already-wet seat.

"Well... if you say so..."

The ride started out nice and smooth. The water was calm and the vehicle moved at an easy pace. Then, they came to the 'Danger Zone', when two giant doors swung open.

Tenten slid slightly over to Neji.

"Scary, huh?"

"Not really..." Neji said, staring at her strangely. She pouted, wanting to get a hug.

They came to, what seemed like, a short tunnel. A box 'fell' on them from above. (A/N: If you've been on, then you'll know it really doesn't FALL, per say...)

"KIYA!" Tenten screamed and hugged onto Neji's arm. Neji hugged her back, frightened as well. The two shook as the vehicle veered upward onto a lift hill.

"Neji-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"I... sort of lied..."

Neji stared at her.

"What?"

"The drop... it's... it's kind of... er... bigger, so to speak..." She stuttered, smiling up apologetically. The Hyuuga's eyes went wide.

"You're... serious?"

She nodded.

"Crap..."

Then, the vehicle came to a stop at the top of a hill for a split second. Then, it fell. They fell down into a misty area. The drop was about a little over fifteen feet high.

"That... wasn't so bad... Tha, actually... wasn't bad at all..." Neji cocked an eyebrow at her.

"Um... that wasn't 'the' drop..." Tenten whispered.

"What?"

"Never mind..."

Neji sighed, then looked back to the front.

* * *

After a while, Neji was starting to get slightly intimidated. Seriously... there were friggin' dinosaurs popping out at him from metal boxes... what else could he do? 

Suddenly, he heard a 'klang' and the vehicle tilted into an upward position. From what Neji could see, there was no top.

"Tenten?"

"Yeah?"

"I hate your lying abilities..."

With that, a GIANT T-rex head popped out of the darkness with a loud roar and fiery red eyes. Neji screamed. As did Tenten. Then, they dropped.

"KIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" They both hugged onto each other and plunged into a splash of cool water.

* * *

"Tenten! You did that on purpose!" Neji whined when they both, completely wet, were off the ride. 

"Yeah, so what? You're cute when you scream!" The weapons mistress commented. She then took her sweater off, revealing a tight white t that hugged her curves. It also... happened to be wet.

"Neji?" Tenten asked, looking at his blank expression. She suddenly looked down at her boobs, noticing that's where his gaze fell. She then noticed, her t-shirt was completely wet.

"Wow..." Neji raised both eyebrows. Tenten slapped him and stormed off to the nearest ladies room. "Fine! I'll... be here..." He stated. Then, he went into the picture shop of the ride they had just come out of. He noticed their picture and liked the look of it.

The duo were in a fearful embrace, Tenten burying her head in Neji's muscular chest, Neji clamping onto her for dear life.

He liked it and bought himself a full picture, stuffed it in his knapsack he had on, and went back out to wait for Tenten.

* * *

A/N: All those rides are only ones I've been on, so I DO know what they're really like. They belong to their creators, so don't sue me... And, the reason why there are so many rides in one park is because... well... there just are. No questions, please... 


	23. Neji Plays Whack A Weasel

A/N: Thanx fer reviews! Er... here's part two!

Disclaimer: I dun own the Naruto series... The idea for the Itachi and Sasuke thing belongs to my beloved sister, Sora no Hairo Yuki. Check her out.

* * *

Tenten came back out, dryer now.

"Alright, Neji-kun! Where're we going next? We've been on quite a few things... oh! You still need to win me a prize! C'mon!" She grabbed him.

"Wait... Prize?" Neji was drug over to the nearest game. It just so happened to be Whack-A-Mole.

"Okay! Three rounds please!" Tenten chirped, handing the person in charge the money. She suddenly stopped when they saw who was managing it.

"SABAKU NO GAARA!" The duo yelled. The weapons mistress almost dropped her money. Yes, indeed. There stood Gaara in full red and white striped uniform behind the Whack-A-Mole counter.

"You tell anyone about this and I will personally hunt you down and kill you," Gaara growled. The duo stared at him.

"Um... Can I ask you one question...?" Neji pondered.

"What?"

"Er... what about your hair salon shop...?"

Gaara glare at the Hyuuga with an intense hatred.

"You flooded the Sand village... everyone had to move out..." The red-haired nin blinked boredly. Neji cracked a smile.

"Oh... ahaha..."

"So. You gonna play Whack-A-Mole, or what?"

"Uh..."

"Of course we are! Neji's gonna win me a prize!" Tenten squealed.

"I am?"

"You think YOU have what it takes whack-the-mole?"

"It's just Whack-A-Mole... how hard could it be?" Neji asked.

"Give it a try," Gaara handed a mallet to Neji and he got ready. "Okay... here we go... One, two... THREE!"

Suddenly, a bunch of little Itachi's sprung out of the holes. Neji stopped.

"I-Itachi! What the fuck!" He screamed.

"Oh! I forgot to tell you! It's 'Whack-A-Weasel'!" Gaara screamed. Suddenly, Sasuke came running up and grabbed the mallet from Neji. The Hyuuga stared as Sasuke pounded furiously on the little Itachi dolls.

"DIE DIE DIE!" Sasuke screamed. Tenten, Neji, and Gaara all stared. The game suddenly broke completely and Sasuke kept pounding on it.

"Uh... Sasuke... You can stop now..." Gaara blinked.

"DIE DIE DIE! DIE!"

"SECURITY!" Gaara yelled. Security came.

"What seems to be the problem, Gaara?" Two people came out. One had sharingan eyes and black hair, the other was blue and looked like a shark. Sasuke turned at the sight of Kisame and Itachi.

"REAL THING! DIE DIE DIE!" Sasuke shouted maniacally and pounded Itachi on the head with his mallet.

"Uh... maybe it wasn't a good thing to bring security,"

"LITTLE BROTHER! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!" Itachi cried, hugging Sasuke.

"DIE DIE DIE!" Sasuke shouted, pounding Itachi in the face, now.

"NO! DON'T! I'M ITACHI! UCHIHA ITACHI! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Itachi screamed, now slightly bleeding. Kisame came up and held Sasuke back. Sasuke stopped and slowly turned to face him, a glint of psycoticy in his eyes.

"Kisame... Blue... Akatsuki... Must... DIE!" Sasuke screamed like a chipmunk and stared chewing on Kisame, gnawing at his head. Gaara, Neji, and Tenten all just stared at him. Suddenly, Sasuke stopped.

"Okay... I'm over it... Itata-nii-san! Push me on the swing again!" The younger Uchiha squealed and jumped into Itachi's arms. Itachi got all sparkly and smiled.

"Oh, Sasuke!"

"Itachi!"

"Sasuke!"

Suddenly, a sunset appeared behind them and they were on a rock and a giant wave crashed behind them as they hugged. Then, they ran into the sunset and everything disappeared, leaving Tenten, Neji, and Gaara a destroyed Whack-A-Mole...er... Weasel machine. Gaara held out a stuffed bunny.

"Er... you can just take it..."

"Um... thanks?"

Tenten looked hopefully at the bunny. Neji stared at her.

"What?"

"Um... is that bunny, perhaps... for me?" Tenten smiled, giving him the puppy dog look.

"What bunny?"

"The bunny in your hand..."

"There's no bunny in my hand..."

"Yes there is..."

"No there's not..."

Gaara smacked Neji on the back of the head and held up his hand with the bunny in it.

"Oh... you mean this bunny?"

"Yeah!"

"What? But... I won it!"

"NO! YOU DIDN'T WIN IT! SASUKE WON IT!" They all took a pitiful look at the destroyed machine with the high-score flashing brightly. It was over one million.

"Hey, that's right!" Sasuke came back snatched the bunny from Neji.

Neji pouted until Gaara gave him another prize. He held it out to Tenten.

"This one's for you!" He chimed romantically. Tenten stared at it.

"Neji-kun... it's a live lizard..."

"Eh?" Neji looked down and saw a lizard biting his thumb. "Oh... ZOOOOMG!" He flung the lizard and it landed on Gaara's head. Gaara looked up to it with a smirk.

"Food..." he said slowly. Tenten grabbed Neji.

"Er... let's go this way, okay, Neji-kun?" Neji jogged along with her. He didn't want to see Gaara eat a lizard.

XXX

"Where to next?" Tenten asked five minutes later as they strolled throughout the park eating ice cream.

"Well... what haven't we gone on?"

"OH! THE HOUSE OF MIRRORS!"

Neji didn't like the sound of that. A house of mirrors? That sounded somewhat painful.

"Let's go, Neji-kun!" Tenten giggled and pulled him in that direction.

* * *

Whence inside, Neji was having the hardest time finding his way out.

"OW!" Neji cried as he banged into his two-hundred and fifty-second mirror. His entire head was numb. "Damn mirrors..."

"C'mon, Neji-kun!" Tenten cried. She was already out of the house. Neji was still deep within.

"Come on, old man!" A little kid cried behind him. Neji spun around.

"Who's old?" Neji growled scarily.

The kids looked at him.

"AAAAAAH!" They screamed. "HE'S F'IN BLIND!" And with that, they ran away. Neji stared after them.

"Blind?"

He then tried his best to complete the house of mirrors. Suddenly, something sharp hit him.

"Ow!" He pulled it out and noticed it was a sharp and pointy object. "What... is this...?" He examined it, soon realizing it to be a senbon. "A... senbon?"

He looked in the mirror.

"AH! I'M A GIRL!" He screamed and ran, not remembering he was in a house of mirrors. He crashed into a mirror and it fell to the ground. It cracked. "NO! THAT'S THIRTEEN YEARS OF BAD LUCK!" Then, another senbon came at him. He tried to dodge it, but hit himself on another mirror. "Eh?" His vision was blurred, but he saw a pretty woman in front of him.

"WOAH! YOU'RE HOTTER THAN TENTEN!" Neji screamed, pointing at the figure in front of him.

"Um... I'm a boy..." The figure said. Suddenly, Neji realized. It was none other than Haku.

"HOLY PIXIE STICKS! SHE'S A MAN!" With that comment, everyone turned around and looked at him. He smiled sheepishly and laughed. "Uh... haha... Never mind!" Everyone went back to the mirrors. "Wait... you died in episode nineteen..." Neji blinked. Haku cocked his head.

"Episode... nineteen...?"

"Yeah..."

They stared at each other for a moment.

"You know... we're in an anime... and Kishimoto Masashi drew us and controls our every move and will..." That confused Haku even more.

"Masashi...?"

"Er... never mind..." Neji shook his head.

"Anyways... what the heck are you doing in my house?"

"Of mirrors?"

"What?"

"You live in a theme park ride?"

"NO!... my soul does..." Haku said. Neji blinked.

"What?"

"...never mind..."

"Right... Um... how do I get out of here...?"

"Follow the yellow brick road..."

Neji stared at him.

"The..."

"FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD!" Suddenly, there was a yellow path leading out of the house of mirrors. The munchkins sang out their song. Neji was mortified.

"I... am not...-"

"They don't bite..."

"No, you don't understand. I'm not-"

"Seriously! It's only yellow because they painted it that color!" Haku pushed Neji onto the yellow brick road. The munchkins all eyed him.

"Oooo..." They cooed. Neji stopped, stared, then screamed and ran down the path like a little girly girl.

* * *

"What took you so long?"

"Haku... munchkins... yellow brick road...!" Neji gasped ten minutes later on the merry go round. Tenten was on a cat and Neji was on a horse.

"What? Haku died in episode-"

"I know..."

* * *

The rest of the day went pretty easily. Nothing else serious happened and the sun started to set. As the theme park closed, Neji and Tenten watched the fire works and the parade, then went back to Konoha.

"Oh my GAWD! Today was SO much fun! So... what movie do you want to see?"

"I don't know... let's go see what's playing in the theater..." (A/N: Seriously... there's a theater in Konoha. Watch the first(?) movie to see)

"Okay..." So, the duo walked that way and soon came upon the Konoha Theater. They read the titles and soon found one that interested them. Well... it interested Tenten, at least.

"Oh! Neji-kun! Let's go see that one!"

"What one?"

"That one!"

Neji looked at the title. 'Mr. Bear and his Cuddly World of Teletubbies'.

"Mr Bear and his Cuddly World of Teletubbies?"

"What? No! Ew! I meant that one!" Neji looked to the side and saw a rated R movie.

"Uh... Tenten? That's out of our rating... they won't let us in without supervision..."

"Trust me... I know one nin from Konoha will be in there. There's no doubt,"

"Are you sure you wanna see this? It's... a really... er... different kind of book..." Neji commented, having read the first book to the series.

"Oh, come on! I've always wanted to see exactly what that copy nin is reading!"

"But, Tenten-" Neji tried to protest, but Tenten dragged him into the theater, sneaking around the guards.

"Shh!" Tenten whispered as they ran into the theater marked with 'Icha Icha Paradise' above it. They took their seats in the front, where no one ever sits, just to be safe. Luckily, they weren't in their normal clothes, so they wouldn't be recognized easily. To their surprise, the theater was packed with men and... some... women...

"Now... let's just see why Kakashi-sensei is so hooked on this book, shall we?" Tenten smirked in the dim of the theater and leaned back. Neji gulped.

"Hey! Two kids? What're you doing in here?" One man reached out and grabbed Neji by the collar, lifting him nearly six feet in the air. Neji's eyes went wide. Tenten shrunk down.

The man was big and muscular and looked like a sumo wrestler. Neji was weak and puny compared to him and he knew it.

"Meep..." Neji meeped. The man was about to strangle him, but a familiar gloved hand twisted the mans arm backwards.

"I don't think you wanna do that..." Kakashi's voice came as the man dropped Neji. Tenten caught him.

"Thanks, Tenten-chan!" Neji smiled. Tenten shook her head.

"Now, scram unless you wanna face my chidori..." Kakashi growled. Everyone knew the chidori. Even non-nin knew of the famous lightning combo. The man ran off to the back of the theater, scared stiff. Kakashi then turned to Neji and Tenten with an aggravated eye. "Now... just what are you two doing in a rated R movie?" He asked, a hint of scolding in his voice.

"Uh... well, we-"

* * *

A/N: For those who don't know... Itachi means weasel... that's why it's 'Whack-A-Weasel'... 


	24. Neji Hates Costumed People

A/N: I've been having the biggest writers block for a while now... but I'm gonna TRY to write this... maybe... (haha! Neji helped me write this chapter! (My cat... not the real thing...))

Disclaimer: I dun own the Naruto series! If I did, I'd be working on the manga right now! (And I'd take the bow off Sasuke's outfit after the two-year time lapse...) Oh! And I don't own the Barney idea! Neji gave me that idea. (Once again, MY CAT! Not the real thing...)

* * *

Kakashi glared at the two genin. 

"Well?"

"Uh... we were just..." Neji started. Tenten immediately cut him off by throwing her hand over his mouth.

"Curious!" She finished. "Just curious, is all!" Kakashi raised an eyebrow.

"Eh? Curious... about the Icha Icha series?" The duo nodded. "You're kidding, right?" The duo shook their heads.

"Really..."

"Really, really?"

"Really really."

"Really, really, really?"

"Really really really!"

"Really rea-"

"YAMERO!" Neji finally yelled. He was losing track of the number... and what the word 'really' meant. Tenten and Kakashi looked at him. "Nani?" He asked, bluntly. Tenten sighed.

"You have such a terrible memory..."

"Do not!"

"Do to!"

"Okay, okay, you two... You're getting off subject," Kakashi pointed out. The duo stared at the jounin.

"Kakashi-sensei...? Can we stay?" Tenten pursued.

"Eh?"

"Well, we need adult supervision to see an R-rated movie..."

"And?"

"We don't have an adult..." Tenten finished.

"Souka..." The jounin sighed. "Well, if you really, really, REALLY wanna stay, I can guarantee you'll be scarred for life..."

"Will not!" The genin yelled at the same time, clearly offended. "We're old enough!" Tenten added.

"Are you sure about that?"

"HAI!"

"I suppose... I could let you stay, on one condition!"

"Nani?"

"You can't tell anyone I let you stay and you can't complain or ask ANY questions. I mean, no questions whatsoever!" Kakashi specified. The duo looked at him.

'Questions...?' Neji thought. 'I wonder what kind of questions he's thinking of...'

* * *

Ten minutes into the movie, Neji soon knew what Kakashi had been talking about. 

"Wha- what's that?" Neji asked.

"And that?" Tenten added.

"Oh! And why is she-"

"ENOUGH! I said no questions, didn't I?" Kakashi growled. Tenten held onto Neji, who quietly went silent.

Five minutes later...

Neji and Tenten sat staring, eyes wider than the movie screen, at what lay before them. The movie was very... different... from everything they had ever seen before. They were mortified. Kakashi, on the other hand, sat there happily munching on popcorn.

"How can you watch this stuff...?" Neji asked, turning away from the very explicit sex scene before him.

"Neji-kun..." Tenten buried her head in his arm.

"Ahaha... I told you you weren't old enough!" Kakashi laughed. "They rated it R for a reason!"

"Okay... I can't take this!" Neji screamed and rushed out of the theater. Tenten and Kakashi stared after him.

"What about you?" The jounin looked at the thirteen-year-old.

"Uh... yeah..." Tenten immediately ran after Neji. Kakashi started laughing hysterically.

"I told them! I told them both!"

* * *

"WHY IN THE WORLD WERE YOU CURIOUS! I TOLD YOU THE BOOK WAS-" 

"Oh, hush! C'mon! Let's go in here! It's starting to rain..." Tenten growled and dragged Neji into the nearest building.

Whence inside, the duo looked around them. Neji didn't like what he saw.

"I love you! You love me! We're a happy family, with a great big hu-"

BAM!

That was the last they saw of Barney...

"WAH! MOMMY! THE BLIND MAN JUST KILLED BARNEY!" One child yelled.

"I AM NOT BLIND!" Neji hollered, about to smack the life out of this kid too. Tenten held him back.

"C'mon, Neji-kun! Let's go over here..." The weapons mistress laughed nervously and dragged Neji into the next room.

"No..."

"AW!" Tenten cooed. Neji rushed back out and looked at the sign above the door.

"CHRISTMAS WORLD!" Neji cried.

"Ho ho ho!" A big man in a Santa costume came out and grabbed Neji around the waist. "And what do you want for Christmas, little boy?" The Hyuuga's eyes went wide. It was just like when he was three: The giant scary Santa-man was picking him up and asking him what he wanted for Christmas, when it wasn't even close to that time.

"KIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Neji immediately started cussing and throwing kunai and shuriken every which way.

"NEJI!" Tenten screamed. Neji then started scratching the Santa impersonator like a kitty and leapt away from him and onto Tenten's head, curled up in a ball.

That was the last they saw of Santa...

* * *

"Okay, now DON'T kill anyone else, please?" Tenten asked five minutes later, pushing open another door. Neji nodded, still on top of Tenten's head. "Oh... and... GET OFF OF MY HEAD!" The Hyuuga leapt down beside her. 

"Gawd... you didn't have to yell-" Neji suddenly felt the earth move from under his foot and he fell to the ground. "ITAI!" He suddenly noticed, it wasn't the earth at all. It was an egg. Neji picked up the decorated plastic egg.

"Neji-kun! You found an-"

"CONGRATULATIONS!" Streamers and everything (You know... the works...) popped out at them and the lights began to flash. Tenten hugged onto Neji and Neji hugged onto Tenten. A giant bunny hopped out. "YOU HAVE FOUND THE EASTER EGG! YOU WIN-"

BANG!

That was the last they saw of the Easter Bunny...

* * *

"Neji-kun? Where'd you get that gun?" 

"Hinata..." Tenten stared at him.

"Hi-Hinata?"

"Yeah..."

* * *

"Neji-kun?" 

"Yeah?"

"Where are we?"

"I dunno..."

"Why are there multiple beds around us?"

"I dunno..."

Yes, indeed. They were in 'Sleep World', a place where everyone sleeps. Actually... it was just a bed store.

Neji stepped back.

"What was that?"

"I don't know... but... it sounded like..-"

"Hello. My name's the Sand Man. How can I be of service?"

Tenten and Neji stared at the floating Sand Man.

"G-Gaara?"

"What?"

Gaara, aka, the Sand Man, glared at them.

"Uh... What about-"

"Sasuke destroyed my Whack-A-Weasel... Now, I work night shifts with the tooth fairies."

"The... Tooth fairies?"

"The tooth fairies..."

Suddenly, Gai and Lee popped out in their usual green spandex one-pieces, but they now had a green tutu around it and held wand and had tiaras, ect...

"Gai-sensei...? Lee-san...?"

"We are the Youthful Tooth Fairies!" They yelled with a tooth 'ping'. "We come with a theme song! Wanna hear it?"

I guess you could say... that was the last they saw of the Sand Man and the Youthful Tooth Fairies...

* * *

"Neji-kun?" 

"Nnn?"

"Do you realize you just took out your own sensei, teammate, and one of the Sand Siblings?"

"Yeah..."

Tenten kept her eyes fixed straight ahead.

"Er... well, then. Dinner?"

"That'd be nice..." Neji growled.

* * *

"NIHAO!" The waitress called when Tenten and Neji stepped through the doors. (A/N: Nihao is Chinese for 'hello'... or something along that line.) 

"Nihao, Lin!" Tenten smiled at the waitress.

"Usual booth, Tenten?" Lin, who, Neji assumed, was the waitress asked.

"That'd be great, thanks!" Tenten and Neji followed Lin to a booth by the window. It was nearing eleven pm.

* * *

A/N: The way I got the Barney thing from my cat, Neji, was because there was a commercial on when I was flipping through the channels, and Neji saw it and started meowing, so I stopped, wondering what the heck was wrong. So, Neji went up to the TV and started batting it with his paw... and... that was the last I saw of Barney... 0.o Ahaha... yeah. Oh! And the sandman thing? Got that from the 'real ninja's' clip. 


	25. Neji's Llama

A/N: Whoo.

Disclaimer: Er... I suppose I've said this one too many times now, but I dun own the Naruto series...

* * *

"So... what're you getting?" Tenten asked, gazing at her menu five minutes later. 

"Hn... I dunno..." Neji grunted, not really in the mood to converse with another human being.

"Here you are!" Lin, the waitress, came over to the table and set a live baby llama on the table. Tenten and Neji stared at her.

"But we didn't..."

"Oh! It's from them over at table three!" Lin pointed to a table not too far from theirs. There sat the Akatsuki: The Leader, Itachi, Deidara, Sasori, Kisame, Zetsu, Tobi, Hidan, Kakuzu, and Yura.

"Neji-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"Half of the Akatsuki are dead..."

"Yeah..."

"So then why-"

"I don't know..." Neji and Tenten blinked at them, clearly wondering what was going on. They then looked back to the llama who was currently munching on Neji's head.

"Neji-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"There's a llama eating your head..."

"Yes, Tenten. Yes, there is..."

With that being said, silence fell between them. All that could be heard was the munching from the llama. Soon enough, the llama got bored with Neji's head and laid down on the table, glaring at the Hyuuga with an intense hatred.

"Ahem..." Neji cleared his throat, obviously trying to break the awkward silence.

"So... You hungry?"

"Tenten."

"Yes?"

"A llama was just chewing on my skull... do you really think I am hungry?"

Tenten stared at him.

"Well... yeah..."

Neji glared at her, then at the llama, then back to Tenten.

"You know... I don't like llamas very much..."

Tenten was then staring bewildered at him.

"You... don't like... llamas?"

"I don't like llamas..."

Neji then got up and went over to the booth where the Akatsuki were sitting. He pushed Itachi further into the booth and sat down on the edge. All ten members stared at him.

"Yo..."

"Why are you here?" Deidara asked, completely bewildered.

"You sent me a llama..." Neji growled.

They all stared at him.

"What llama?"

"That llama..." He pointed to the llama sitting on the table, who was now eating (literally) Tenten's fork.

"That's not a llama..." Sasori pointed out.

"Eh?" Neji raised an eyebrow. "Seriously, I think I'd know a llama when it chews on my head..."

"No, really. It's one of my clay sculptures..." Deidara pointed out. Neji blinked.

"Your clay sculptures eat human heads?" The Hyuuga gasped.

"Wh-what! N-no! Ahaha... Why would you think that?" Deidara gave a nervous laugh. Sasori sighed.

"So obvious..."

"NEJI-KUN! THE LLAMA IS EATING MY CLOTHES!" Tenten cried out pitifully. Neji spun around and ran over.

"Oh, dear Lord! How do I stop it...? Aha! I know! OH ITACHI!" Neji called. Itachi came over.

"What?"

A chibi (about the size of you're foot) Sasuke ran through the doors of the restaurant with a giant mallet (normal sized, actually...).

"DIE DIE DIE!" Sasuke squeaked, pounding Itachi's foot. Neji picked Sasuke up by the collar of his shirt with two fingers and put him close to the llama. The Chibi Uchiha was now hitting the llama, who crumpled into broken clay.

"NOOO!" Deidara crawled and ran over to it. "CUT DOWN IN ITS PRIME!"

By this time, everyone was staring wildly at the Akatsuki, Neji, Tenten, the demolished-clay-llama, and the chibi Sasuke, who was still pounding the air furiously with his mallet. Tenten grabbed Neji.

"That's our cue to leave..." She whispered. Neji dropped the chibi Sasuke and ran away with Tenten.

TEN MINUTES LATER!

"Hey, Neji-kun?"

"Hn?"

"Are you still hungry? You know, I'm a great cook!" Tenten giggled, blushing lightly.

"Does this mean I'll be in your home?"

"Yeah..."

"Okay, but as long as you keep Neji away from me..." He felt awkward saying his own name to describe a gueni pig, but had to make the statement, nonetheless... Tenten laughed.

"Okay, silly! Oh! Why don't we bake something! We could do it together! Umm... how about he make a layer cake? Oo! What about brownies!"

"Tenten-chan... I'm not really much of a baker..."

"Oh c'mon! If Emril can be famous doing it, so can you!" She growled and tugged him away. The entire time, he was wondering who Emril was...

* * *

"Alright! Let's see our possibilities, shall we?" 

"I guess..." Neji grunted as Tenten opened up the part of her pantry where all the baking mixes were.

"Okay... We have brownies, fudge, sugar cookies, chocolate-chip cookies, white cake, several layer cakes, funfetti cupcakes, and leek-flavored bars!"

Neji looked at her, confused by that last comment.

"Leek...flavored..."

"Yeah! You gotta be healthy sometimes, you know!" Tenten giggled. "Okay... anything you wanna make particularly?"

Neji shrugged.

"Alright... then I guess I'll choose..." The weapons mistress scanned them, her expression concentrated. "Hmm... no... too many calories... hn. I dunno how to make a layer cake..." She was about to go with the cupcakes, but the her favorite cookie caught her eyes right before she said so. "OH! NEJI-KUN! LET'S MAKE GINGERBREAD MEN AND WOMEN!" She gasped. Neji blinked.

"Eh?"

"C'mon! You can make a Tenten one and I'll make a Neji one!" She giggled, getting out all the supplies. There was no escaping this time. Neji was going to make a Tenten gingerbread woman.

* * *


	26. Neji Learns Botany

A/N: Rawr.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto series.

* * *

"Okay! Eggs!" 

"Roger that!"

Neji ran to the refrigerator and opened the door. He came back to Tenten, who was in a surgical outfit with the mask and all, and held out twelve eggs that he was currently juggling.

"Beater..."

"Bea...ter?"

"Beater."

Neji shrugged after giving Tenten the eggs and thought about what a 'beater' could possibly be. Suddenly, he got an idea.

* * *

Neji soon came back with a "beater" (cough cough) 

"Here's your beater, Tenten-chan!"

Tenten stared at him.

"Neji?"

"Yeah?"

"That is -not- a beater..."

"Yes it is..."

"But... it's Sasuke..."

"As a chibi with a mallet!" Neji finished, smiling widely.

"Agh! Fine! We don't have time!" She grabbed the chibi Sasuke and shaped the dough into something that apparently resembled Itachi.

"Sasuke, look!" Tenten pointed to the dough.

"ITACHI! DIE DIE DIE!" Sasuke shouted, now pounding the dough. Tenten and Neji sat back and watched as the 'Itachi' flatten.

Tenten picked up the Sasuke and threw him in a trash bin.

"Okay!"

"What next?" Neji asked bluntly.

"Um... Bananas?"

"In pajamas! Are coming down the stairs!" Neji started singing the Banana's in Pajama's theme song and marching around the trash bin. Tenten stared at him.

"Neji?"

"What? Haven't you ever seen that show?"

"...no..."

"Oh... I have vide-"

"NO! Er... I mean, no thank you..." Tenten laughed nervously. Neji coughed and stared at the dough.

"So, seriously... what's next?"

"Uh... flour!"

"Flower?"

"Yeah!"

"Well, okay... if you say so..."

Neji ran outside. It was near the middle of the night, so it was hard to see.

'Hmm... I wonder what kind of flowers Tenten-chan wants me to get...' Neji looked around and couldn't find any flowers, so he thought a plant should be suitable. 'I suppose I could get a plant...' He then got an idea.

* * *

"Tenten! I have your flower!" 

"Oh, good I- Neji... what is that?"

"It's... a plant..." Neji stated, holding the hand of something next to him.

"THAT... is not a plant..." Tenten twitched.

"Yes, it is... Look! It's a Venus fly trap..." He stuck his hand in it and it clamped down. Hard.

"Okay... One. That's not flour. Second off, that's not a flower, and third off, that's not even a plant... That's Zetsu..." Tenten pointed at the plant-head. Neji stared at the head. It was black and white.

"Ooooh... so that's why he has an akatsuki on..." Neji looked it up and down. Zetsu glared at them. "Well... can we still use him?"

"WHAT! No!"

"Why not? He could be a substitute for a flower!"

"Ugh... Neji! It's not 'flower' it's flour!"

"What?"

"Flour! F-l-o-u-r! Not f-l-o-w-e-r!" Tenten screamed. Neji blinked.

"Ooooh..."

"Can I leave now?" Zetsu questioned.

Tenten and Neji stared at him.

"Uh... sure..." Tenten replied. Zetsu walked out completely baffled. Sasuke suddenly flung out of the trash bin and latched onto Zetsu.

"Take me to Itachi, minion!" He cried, hitting him with his giant mallet. Zetsu merely shrugged and walked in Itachi's direction.

They could hear the familiar sound of 'die die die!' off in the distance and an 'ow! little brother, I thought you loved me!' and then 'oh, Itachi!' 'oh Sasuke!' Then they heard a giant wave crash and just imagined what was going on.

"So... flour?"

"Flour..." Neji got the flour out of the pantry.

"Okay. Good! Now, I'm gonna go to the bathroom... you okay with mixing it all together?"

"Uh..."

"Perfect!" With that, the weapons mistress waltzed off leaving Neji to figure out how the hell he was gonna mix it. He soon eyed the dryer with a smirk.

"Bingo..."

* * *

Tenten came back down around five minutes later, having spent extra time on redoing her hair, and what she saw was an absolute horror. 

Neji was in a row boat on top of a pile of what seemed to be 'flour'. It was flooding her whole kitchen and washer room.

"HYUUGA NEJI WHAT DID YOU DO!"

Neji was strongly paddling against the waves.

"I PUT THE FLOUR IN THE DRYER! I THOUGHT IT'D MIX IT!" Neji shouted over the roar. Tenten looked around for something to do. Something to help him, but found nothing.

"HOLD ON! I'M COMING TO GET YOU!" Tenten shouted and jumped into the 'flour'. Neji gasped.

"TENTEN!"

She popped up beside his boat and jumped in.

"Now what?" She asked stupidly. He just stared at her.

"What do you mean 'now what?'!" Neji yelled.

"Well... we could-"

"STAY WHERE YOU ARE! WE'RE COMING TO GET YOU!"

They looked up to see a chibi Sasuke and chibi Itachi in a mini-helicopter hovering above their heads. Neji blinked.

"What... the fuck...?" He asked, glaring at them. Tenten twitched.

"How in the hell did Itachi become a chibi?"

"I did it!" Suddenly, they turned around and saw Sabaku no Gaara's soul floating beside their boat. Neji and Tenten screamed and hugged each other, grasping each other's bodies firmly. "What? Neji killed me along with Santa, the Easter Bunny, and multiple others..."

"Er... right..." Neji smiled sheepishly. Tenten glared and pushed him off of her. She then blushed and giggled.

"Neji-kun, you're just too adorable...!" She squealed as Neji flopped over like a puppy and shook his head in a shimmy-type fashion. The Hyuuga grinned with a blush.

"Okay... if you two are finished, the chibi brigade would like to free you from the flour of terror..." Itachi called down, lowering a string down to them. Tenten grabbed the end of it while blushing furiously and Itachi and Sasuke pulled their boat to the living room by their helicopter.

Itachi jumped out of the helicopter and became normal again. Sasuke jumped out, and didn't...

Neji and Tenten got out of the boat and looked around.

"Neji?"

"Yeah?"

"Please don't ever let me leave you lone with flour again..."

"Right..."

An awkward silence fell over them. It was soon broken with the familiar 'die die die' of Sasuke hitting his brother with a mallet.

"Dude... stop..." Itachi growled, picking Sasuke up with two fingers by the collar of his shirt.

"DIE DIE DIE!" Sasuke shouted.

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Tenten screamed annoyedly. Itachi and Sasuke and Gaara's soul looked at them bewildered.

"Fine... I gotta continue doing my job... So much sand to deliver!" Gaara's soul squealed fangirlishly and poofed off to God-knows-where.

"Right..." Itachi stated bluntly and took Sasuke with him, leaving Tenten and Neji alone, soaking in flour and countless other ingredients, in her living room.

"Ugh.. C'mon, Neji-kun... Let's go take a bath..."

Neji stopped breathing, died, went to heaven, got kicked out for being a bastard, and came back to life, not breathing once again.

"T-t-t-t-t-ta-a-ake.. a-a-a... b-b-b-ba-bath w-w-with-"

"Yup! Why? Not a problem, is it? My bath tubs big enough for you and me! Besides, it's not like there'd be anything happening between us, right, Neji-kun?"

He gulped as she eyed him with a devilish fire in her eyes. It looked nothing like the flame of youth...

"Er... right!" Neji laughed. Tenten got all sparkly and laughed.

"Okay!" She smiled and tugged Neji up to the bathroom. "Now, wait right here! I'll be right back with soap! I forgot to fill it! I've already prepared the bath... I figured something like this would happen. It's a bubble bath, so get in and I'll be there in a second, kay?" She winked and left him to himself. After the door closed, he just stood there.

"Wha... WHAT!" He screamed.

* * *

Five minutes later, Neji was naked in the bath tub, sobbing anime-style. 

"Why me!" He cried. He suddenly heard the door knob turning and perked up. "No... it's her!" He gulped and tried to look away. He opened one eye and stared at her.

"WHAT THE HELL!" He shouted. Tenten was standing there with a bottle of soap and... a bathing-suit.

"Well... What'd you expect? You didn't actually think-"

"No! No, of course not!" Neji laughed nervously. 'Oh, shit... damn ass mother fucker...' he thought, mentally hitting himself.

"Wait... Neji, are you-?"

"Um..."

"Oh my God... You're not..."

"I am..."

That was the silence to end all silences. Tenten dropped the bottle of soap, shattering it on the tile floor, and gaped at him, her right eye twitching furiously. Neji swallowed hard.

"Uh... Tenten?"

Her body was now shaking.

"You.. You... YOU PERVERT!" She screamed and punched him. He crashed through her wall, and her window, and flew across the sky, looking like a shooting star.

There went Neji, the flying- OH MY GOD! HE'S NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES... uh... There went Neji. Let's leave it at that...

Neji started descending to something that looked oddly familiar.

He splashed into icy cold water and screamed after crashing through a screen. A light clicked on in the house before him.

'Oh shit, oh shit, oh SHIT!' Neji thought. 'I... I'm in...' His thoughts were broken by someone walking out in a Bill Gate's bathrobe.

He yawned, then looked upon the sad soul. That's when he died and went to hell, then got kicked out, and came back to life.

"Hyuuga Neji... Why am I not surprised? Oh look... you've added a new twist... skinny dipping... in my pool... at two in the morning..." Sasuke glared at him. Neji just stared, looked down at himself, then back at Sasuke.

"Tenten... and the bathroom... and-"

"You're in my pool," Sasuke interrupted. The two stared at each other.

"You want me to get out?"

Sasuke stared at him, blinked, then went back into his house without saying another word. Neji just stared after him.

"HEY! I WANT A TOWEL!"

No response...

"Damn that Uchiha!" He screamed. A glass came flying at his head.

"THAT'S FOR CALLING ME A UCHIHA!" Then a TV was chucked at his head. "AND THAT'S FOR FLYING INTO MY POOL NAKED!"

Neji swam under the water and tried to escape the objects. He suddenly bumped into someone in the water. It was... Kankurou.

* * *

A/N: I asked myself 'Okay... now who's a random person that I can stick in Sasuke's pool'... the first name that came to mind was 'Kankurou...'. Strange, no? 


	27. Neji Is A Sheep

A/N: (If you don't want spoilers for this chapter, then don't read) In this chapter, Neji gets Tenten's diary back. (gasp... XD) Yeah. I've had this planned since chapter 14... but I sort of never told anyone... so, yeah. It's sort of my fault... (sweatdrop) But, okay then! I'll start the chapter now... er... yeah... Oh! And... THANKS FOR REVIEWS! (does happy dance)

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the Naruto series... accept my cat, who is named Neji...

* * *

Neji stared at Kankurou, who stared back underneath the water. They both suddenly realized they couldn't breath and swam to the top, gasping for air. 

"Wha... what are YOU doing in Sasuke's pool?" Neji screamed.

"I happen to be testing my new technique! I made Karasu waterproof!" He yelled angrily, holding up a bubble-wrapped Karasu. Neji blinked then shook it off. "What about you? Y-you do realize you're naked, right?"

"No shit..." Neji growled, hating every second of this. "Tenten punched me through her bathroom wall..."

"Oh..."

The two sat there in silence. Then, Kankurou ran off screaming, Karasu attached to his back. Neji stared after him, wonder what the heck had gotten into him, then decided to find a plant to cover himself with. He soon noticed one of those plants with the giant leaves and snagged it, wrapping a leaf around his lower half. He then sped out of Sasuke's screen and ran home, hoping that no one would be out.

* * *

"Phew..." Neji exhaled after getting dressed in his pj's and flopping down lazily onto his bed. He took a long sip of water and stared up at the ceiling. He looked over to his side and noticed something. A little book was sitting on his dresser with a note over the top of it. The book looked slightly familiar. 

He sat up and took the note off of the book and read it in his mind:

_Hey Hyuuga... Um... I guess this might be considered a good deed and be pretty rare for me and all, but I guess you deserve this back. Yes, I know it's not yours and everything and that Tenten will be very pissed with you, but this time, if she ever suspects you, just tell her Orochimaru stole it. Okay? Yeah... well, here you go...  
From... me. Uchiha Itachi. :)_

Neji wondered why there was a smiley face at the end, then shrugged and looked at the book. A smile broadened his lips. It was a dream come true. He decided he's hug Itachi the next time he saw him. Or maybe trample him with loads of presents out of appreciation. He smirked at what kind of expression that would be like, then opened up to the page he thought he had left off in Tenten's diary. Before he read it, he cocked an eyebrow. There was something written in red ink atop every page. It said:

_Itachi was here! XoXo (insert weasel sticker here)_

"Wha?" Neji shook his head and decided to ignore that. He knew Tenten would pound him later.

"Hehehe... now time to get back to where I left off!" The Hyuuga cackled in the night. He felt like batman, so he stopped and coughed. "Ahem... yeah."

With that, he stared back to the page. 'Oh, this is gonna be good!' He snickered.

_Heya Diary!_

_Guess who! Yup! Me! Haha. Hey! I was at the movie theater yesterday... God, I wish I could be an actress! Then, I could marry some hott, famous, and rich actor and we'd have kids and name then a whole bunch of different things! Ooo! Wouldn't that be awesome? I think so! Heh. Neji would NEVER be an actor! I just know he wouldn't! Not only that... but, frankly, I highly doubt he even could be an actor! Wouldn't that be funny? Oh! This October is the Konoha play! I know I'm trying out to be the princess! I wonder who's going to be the peddler! hehe! You see, the story line is that the princess takes pity on a peddler then falls in love with him! Then, in the final scene, they kiss! Ooo! I'm blushing! I wonder who it's going to be... I can't wait to find out! And I hope I get the part! Tryouts are on the seventeenth! I'm getting there early to see who else is going! They're at Konoha Park, which is REALLY pretty in October! Total romantic spot! Ooo! Oh well... I guess I'll close up for now! Ja ne!_

_Tenten-chan! (hehe! Neji-kun calls me that sometimes!)_

Neji stared, cocked his head, then blinked three times.

"Play? Peddler? Kiss?" His eyes lit up. "Hmm... this October... This was written about three months ago... so that means... I still have a shot! Oh! Wait, this IS October!" Neji dashed to the calendar. It was three am which meant that today was the seventeenth. Neji gasped. "I'M SO THERE!" He shouted and immediately went to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, Neji awoke early and got dressed in a crimson turtle-neck with a white scarf, put on some baggy jeans and sneakers and rushed out the door after putting a black beanie on to keep the tips of his ears warm. 

He soon found himself at Konoha Park and rushed inside the gates only to find an entire stage and everything set up. He soon saw Tenten in the crowd. There were a lot of nin there! Tenten, Sasuke, Gaara, Temari, Shikamaru, Kurenai, Asuma, Sakura, Ino, Lee, Gai, Anko, Kakashi, Chouji, Kankurou, Hanabi, Hinata, Moegi, Udon, Konohamaru, Kiba and Akamaru, Jiraiya, and Shino were all there. What Neji found the most peculiar was that Naruto was no where to be found. He thought on that for a moment, then went over to Tenten, grabbing a script and a number from the director on his way.

"H-hey, Tenten-chan!" He stuttered, smiling at her. She spun around and gasped.

"Neji-kun! What're you doing here?" She asked, blushing.

"What does it look like? I'm trying out!"

Suddenly, everything went silent. Even the crickets shut up. He looked around and noticed everyone was staring at him. Then, they all broke into fits of laughter.

"Neji! You? What are you trying out for?" Kiba howled.

"The peddler!"

Everyone stopped and gasped. Suddenly, a part was made in the crowd and Sasuke stepped through it.

"Well, well, well... Hyuuga Neji is trying to beat the great Uchiha in a thespian sport? Ha! I think not..." Sasuke snickered haughtily. Neji twitched, then growled.

"Who died and made you peddler? I'm just as good as you! In fact, I'm better than you could ever be!"

Everyone gasped and started whispering among themselves. Tenten whispered something in Neji's ear:

"If you don't want to be publicly humiliated, I suggest you walk out of here right now..."

Neji waved her off.

"Relax! How hard could it be?"

* * *

They were now assigning parts. 

"Farmer 1 and Farmer 2..." The assigner pointed to Gai and Lee who both tooth pinged and hugged, shouting something about the fire of youth.

"Princess Ciana," The assigner pointed to Tenten for the leading role. Her face lit up and she jumped up and hugged Neji around the neck, kissing him on the cheek.

"YES!" She shouted, punching the air.

"And the other main role of peddler goes to Uchiha Sasuke..." The assigner stated. Sasuke and Neji both stood up immediately.

"WHAT!"

"YES!"

"What about me, then?" Neji asked. The assigner stared at him, then sighed.

"Er... you can be the secondary sheep that no one notices... That is all! Be ready to rehearse tomorrow people!"

"The secondary sheep? That no one notices!" Neji gasped. Sasuke snickered under his breath.

"Oh, terribly sorry, Hyuuga. Looks like your acting skills just weren't up to par... I suppose I'll just have to whisk the lovely princess maiden away!" Sasuke smiled and took Tenten around the waist. "Shall we practice the last scene now, mi lady?"

Neji could have died and brought Sasuke with him. He was gonna kill him. If it was the last thing he did, he was going to kill him.

"Er... n-no thank you! I'll just wait until rehearsal tomorrow... I'm sure we won't have to rehearse that last scene until right before the play, anyways, so-"

"Alright, alright... Understood, Tenten, darling... I'll just wait for your lips tomorrow!" Sasuke said dramatically and walked off in a runway-type-fashion. Sakura and Ino immediately swooned and latched onto one arm a piece. The rest of the females all paraded after the Uchiha, too. Neji blinked.

"Eh... what just happened?"

"You're a sheep..."

"Baa...?"

"Ew, no! You sound like a llama!"

"What?"

"Ugh... never mind. Say 'baa' again..."

"Baa..."

"No, no, NO! Say it with passion!"

"Tenten."

"What?"

"I am a sheep. Do you not understand that?"

"Oh, so suddenly sheep can't have passion?"

"When did they start?"

Tenten stared at him.

"Well... just work on 'baaing'. Okay? See ya tomorrow, Neji-kun! Make sure to baa tonight!" With that, Tenten ran off happily to memorize her script.

"She's got to be joking! I'm not going to practice baaing!"

* * *

"Baa... Baa... BAA!" Neji screamed into the mirror, trying different forms of baaing. "Baa? BAa! BaA! BAA! BAA BA BA! BABABURAN-Wait... That's 'Boberan'...er... Baa!" Neji screamed once more. Suddenly, someone opened the door and Neji didn't notice. "Baa..." He suddenly noticed there was someone standing behind him and whirled around, only to find Hiashi staring at him with a pricelessly surprised expression. 

The two just stared at each other for a moment.

"Uh..."

"What? Can't a boy baa in private?" Neji snapped. Hiashi stared at him.

"Uh... baa?"

"Baa..."

"You sound like a lla-"

"I know..."

Hiashi blinked. Neji glared.

"Neji?"

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, why?"

"Well... you're baaing in your bathroom..."

Neji blinked, still glaring.

"So?"

"Well... if that's really what you want to do..."

"No. No, it's not really what I want to do..."

"Then why-"

"Sasuke is a peddler..."

Hiashi didn't know about the play. He didn't know anything to even do with it. So, he just stared and imagined Uchiha Sasuke as a peddler.

"Uh... I'll just come back later then?"

"That'd be nice..." Neji growled. Hiashi blinked, then slowly (really slowly) walked backwards out of Neji's bathroom and room and turned and ran down the stairs, putting as much distance between him and Neji as possible, all the while yelling something about rabies. Neji blinked, staring after him, then turned back to the mirror.

"Baa..."

* * *

A/N: Er... yeah. I can see Neji baaing for some reason... 


	28. Neji the Peddler

A/N: Keh

Disclaimer: I don't own any rights to the Naruto series.

* * *

Neji awoke with a long and aggravated sigh the next morning. When he was fully awake, he got very happy, remembering all the baaing he had accomplished last night. He'd show that Sasuke! He'd be the best dang sheep this world had ever seen! 

"Hey, Tenten-chan!" Neji chirped, waltzing up to the play site.

"Oh! Neji-kun! Um... I have to tell you something..."

"Hn... what?"

"Well... the director sort of told us that the play is gonna take place tomorrow and we've got to practice all day today. And... well... the last scene is supposed to be practiced 47 times before-"

Neji didn't even hear the rest of her little speech. Forty-seven... frigging... times! One time was enough, wasn't it? Gawd... this really sucked.

"Tenten?"

"...and I- Eh? What?"

"I... don't feel well... all of a sudden..." Neji then fell over, swirly eyed. (A/N: Like Kenshin! XD) Tenten let out a little yelp.

"NEJI-KUN!" She knelt down beside him and picked him up in her arms. "Oh mi gawd! Oh mi gawd! OH MI GAWD! WHADDO I DO! WHADDO I DO?" She screamed, running frantically in circles. "Oh!" She stopped, set Neji down, and got out an index card. On it, were some sort of ingredients. "Okay... this and this... there! TADA! THE CURRY OF LIFE!" She screamed, holding up the bowl as if it were holy. "NOW, EAT!" She then shoved curry into Neji's mouth, causing his face to gradually turn red.

"HOOOOOOOLY SHIIIIIIT!" Neji leapt to his feet, his eyes wide and watering. He immediately ran to the giant cooler of water and gulped it all down. Sighing, he fell to his back on the grass.

He opened his eyes after a couple seconds to see a smirking Tenten hovering above him.

"Tenten...?"

"Yes?"

"Don't EVER make the curry of life... It's hotter than-"

"Are you criticizing my cooking skills, Hyuuga Neji?"

"Yes, Tenten. Yes, I am."

Tenten flushed vibrant red and stomped on Neji's stomach as hard as she could.

"Why does this always happen to me...?" The Hyuuga whispered to himself after Tenten marched away angrily fuming. He sat up and looked around. Everyone was there. Including Sasuke.

"Uchiha..." Neji growled, twitching all over. He jumped to his feet and waltzed over to Sasuke.

"Oi, Uchiha!"

"Yes?"

"No... Not you..." Neji pushed Itachi aside and walked in Sasuke's direction.

"FINE! Just because Sasuke comes into the series before me makes me a side character! I understand... NO ONE HAS ANY RESPECT FOR PEOPLE WHO CAME INTO THE SERIES DURING EPISODE 80! JUST LOOK AT KISAME!"

There sat the innocent and blue Kisame, surfing the web. He gave a measly wave, then went back to looking for fanfiction that wasn't Kisame-bashing. Soon, he found out there were none and gave up, running off to cry to Zabuza's grave.

"SEE!"

Er... back with Neji...

"Oi! Uchi- er... Sasuke!" The Hyuuga called. Sasuke spun around in a peddlers outfit.

"Yes, you unworthy sheep?"

"I can baa better than you ever could!"

Sasuke stared at him.

"Oh, really?"

"YES, really!"

"Fine! Baaing contest! Right here, right now!" Sasuke growled.

"I accept!" The duo stared each other down. Everyone crowded around them and Tsunade took over as count down.

"Three... two... one..." Tsunade eyed them both. "GO!"

"BAA!" Sasuke rang out.

"BAAA!" Neji cried.

Everyone gasped. Neji had just out-baaed Sasuke!

"Baahaha!" Neji mocked. Sasuke twitched.

"Rematch!"

"I won and you know it, you unworthy peddler," With that, Neji spun on his heel and waltzed off, executing a perfect runway walk. Everyone gaped after him.

* * *

"Hey, Tenten! Guess what!" 

"What?"

"I just out-baaed Sasuke!"

Tenten stared at Neji.

"You just... what?"

"Out-baaed Sasuke!"

Tenten blinked.

"Out..."

"Baaed," Neji finished. They both stared at each other for a moment.

"Neji?"

"Yes?"

"Have you been drinking?"

Neji stared at her.

"Um... I-I'm underage..."

"Oh... right..." She cocked an eyebrow. "Then... have you been near a kitty lately?"

"No, I-...wait... a kitty?"

"Yes..."

"Wh-why would that matter...?"

"Dosu's furry puff is a kitty in disguise... he lost it... and now-"

"Gaara killed Dosu in episo-"

"I know..."

They stared at each other for a long moment. After what seemed like an eternity, a whitish/goldish extremely puffy thing ran by their feet. Then came Dosu without his puff on his back screaming "COME BACK, MUFFIN!".

"Was that-"

"Yes, Neji. Yes, it was."

Neji blinked, but thought nothing of it.

"Um... anyways..."

Tenten suddenly leaned in and kissed Neji as the director called for the final scene's actors and actresses.

Neji stood there, blushing furiously and just stared at her as she winked and jogged off on to the stage.

"Wait! What was that for!"

"For cleansing my mouth before Sasuke's kiss!"

"Oh... uh... Good luck!" Neji remembered and sat down to watch, seeing as the 'secondary-sheep-that-no-one-notices' wasn't in this scene.

Tenten and Sasuke walked onto stage, both in costume. Tenten started off the scene after the director yelled action and she was amazingly in character!

"Oh, peddler! How can thy thank thou for everything thou has done?" Tenten fake-cried. Sasuke came in next.

"Ciana, darling! I shalt not accept anything thou shall give to thy!" Sasuke wasn't as good, but he still kicked ass on the stage, Neji had to admit.

"But, sir Fredrick! Thy father has granted thee passage to thou living quarters!" Tenten cried, advancing slightly on Sasuke, who took her passionately by the wrists and looked deeply into her eyes.

"Thy could never burden thee with the constant unpleasentries of burglars and such! Ciana... I...I..." They leaned in and their lips were close. Too close. Neji was shaking in his seat, pouring buckets of sweat out of his pores.

"No no no!" He was whispering.

On stage, Tenten and Sasuke's lips met and they embraced each other in a deep and passionate kiss. Some ooed and some ahhed and some blushed and some snickered. Neji just gaped and smacked himself for not doing anything. From that point on, he decided to not let that happen EVER again.

* * *

The night of the play (tomorrow night) 

The final scene was rounding on the thespians and Sasuke was getting ready for the scene as Tenten was having a conversation with Lilith, played by Sakura, on stage about the peddler (played by Sasuke) and her love for him.

"Okay... gotta do something, gotta do something! Aha!" Neji snapped an idea and rushed to Sasuke's changing room. He wrote something on a small piece of paper and slid it under the door.

"Hm? Mail?" Sasuke, on the inside, picked up the paper and read it.

_Look up._

Sasuke looked up and screamed happily. Neji had used genjutsu to make it seem as if there were bunches and millions of tomatoes glued to the ceiling, ripe and ready to eat. Sasuke got all sparkly eyed and leapt onto the ceiling latching onto a fan (seen as a tomato to Sasuke) and started chewing on one of the blades.

Neji crept into the room and snagged Sasuke's costume for the last scene and ran out.

He quickly changed out of his fluffy sheep costume and changed into Sasuke's costume hurriedly and heard the cue for Sasuke to come out on the stage. So, he rushed onto the stage.

"Oh! For there art thou sir peddler, Fredrick! How did thou come abouteth these pa- NEJI!" Tenten screamed forgetting everything. Sakura's eyes widened. The crowd was silent.

"Yo! Er... I mean... Helloeth, fair maiden! What be shaking in ye humble abode?" Neji yelled. He had heard you had to 'project' when on the stage so people could hear you.

Tenten and Sakura gaped at him. The audience was silent. Even the cricket was silent. Sasuke wasn't... he was too busy happily munching on the blade of his fan to notice this was the silent part of the story.

"Oi, Tenten! Kiss me!" Neji whispered nervously. Tenten gaped at him, then Sakura pushed her into Neji.

"Just use improv!" The pink-haired kunoichi whispered and ran off the stage. Tenten immediately snapped out of it and improvised best she could.

"OH FREDRICK!" She cried and hugged him.

"What? Oh, oh! I'm Fredrick! OH TE- er..."

"Ciana!" Tenten whispered.

"Oh... CIANA!" He finished.

Tenten could have died. Neji then took her in her arms and was about to kiss her, but then, a sheep came out and bit his lips. That sheep... was... Uchiha Sasuke. Tenten screamed, Neji fell over, Sasuke held tight, and the audience laughed their asses off.

"MAUSKE! MAUGHT MAR MOO MOOING!" Neji shouted, trying to yell: Sasuke! What are you doing, but not really getting it.

"BAAAAAAAAA!" Sasuke screamed and did a back flip off of Neji, kicking him in the head in the process.

"ITAI!" Neji shouted at the top of his lungs and jumped straight up. "WHY YOU LITTLE-"

"Woah!" Sakura had accidentally pushed down everything in the scenery and it had come crashing down, bumping Neji right into Sasuke.

"Ooooooo!" The audience cooed. Girls giggled, blushing, and boys laughed hysterically.

Yes, there sat the sheep and the peddler. One on top of each other, deep in an unwanted kiss. Neji immediately sprang off Sasuke and started chugging all the water he could possibly get his hands on. Sasuke jumped in the opposite direction, trying to clean his tongue with hands.

"EEEEEEW!" Neji growled. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!" He shouted.

"Hahaha! Sasuke, you perv! First Naruto, now Neji? Hahaha!" Several yelled from the audience. Sasuke blushed bright red and shook a fist at them.

"I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GONNA KILL YOU ALL!" He shouted. He then tried to jump into the crowd, but Itachi snagged him, crying. Sasuke stared at him. "N-nii-san?"

"OH, SASUKE! NO MATTER HOW DISGUSTING YOUR GAY WANTS MAY BE, I'M YOU'RE BROTHER AND I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU! WORD!" He shouted and hugged Sasuke, both of them toppling off the stage and into the audience, who screamed and ran this way and that.

Neji and Tenten stood on the stage, staring at the calamity before them. Neither spoke. Everything was falling around them, but they were too shocked to do anything, so they just stood there.

* * *

In about an hour, everyone was gone and everything was either broken, on the floor, or burning. Tenten and Neji still stood on the stage, completely shocked. 

"Neji-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"You suck at acting..."

"I know..."

"Then... why did you try out?"

"Because I wanted to kiss you..." The words were out of his mouth before he knew what he was saying. He looked at Tenten, blushing hard, to see what her expression was. She was staring at him, completely blank.

That's when she leapt on top of him and made-out with him, satisfying almost all of his needs.

"T-T-Ten...ten?"

"Yes?"

"You... really think I suck at acting?"

"Yes..."

"Good... because I am never going to act again."

"That's good to hear," She smiled and kissed him on the lips, got off of him, and winked. "See you tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow... right..." Neji smiled back and watched as Tenten ran off through the multiple burning objects to home. With that, Neji got up and walked home also.

'Hmm... I can't help but think I forgot to do something...' Neji thought, but shook it off and went home.

* * *

Sasuke walked into his dressing room, completely exhausted and humiliated. He looked up to the ceiling to see if the fan was running and saw gleaming red tomatoes. His eyes widened and he jumped onto the ceiling again, gnawing on a fan blade.

* * *

A/N: Yeah. 


	29. Lee's Squirrel

A/N: **SPECIAL THANK YOU TO DINGUS**! You rock, Dingus-sama! Made me laugh... a LOT! By dressing up THE Sasuke plushie in metal -cough tinfoil cough- pants. VERY funny! Thanks for the laughs! (still have the pics saved on my desktop! XD)

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto series! (Okay, I really don't think I have to write this every chapter, but I'm going to so no one sues me...)

* * *

Neji awoke the next morning. They had practice today. Great! Another time to see Tenten! 

The Hyuuga sprung out of bed and casually slipped all his clothes on in a hurry. In only a mere two minutes, he was out the door and at the training grounds. This time, he was early.

So, he decided to sit down on a rock. It was a nice rock. He liked it! It was cool and there was a nice breeze coming from it. There was only one problem. There was a squirrel staring at him. Not looking or glancing, but staring unblinkingly at him without any movement whatsoever. Neji thought that to be slightly creepy and shifted positions. The squirrel copied him and started staring again. The Hyuuga turned completely around, thinking the squirrel couldn't copy that, but was proved wrong by the fact that this particular squirrel was a 'flying squirrel' and it flew from tree to tree until it got to the right position to stare at Neji again. After that, it didn't move. So, Neji screamed at it.

"GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU CREEPY SQUIRREL!" and then he ran for it. The squirrel followed. He leapt into the trees. So did the squirrel. He jumped into the lake. So did the squirrel. He tripped over a rock. So did the squirrel. All the while, it was staring at him.

Finally, Neji turned around and looked it straight in the eyes.

"Who are you?"

What seemed to be a smile spread across it's face and it leapt onto Neji's head, giving him a kiss with the 'chu' sound before doing so. It curled up in Neji's hair, then went to sleep.

The Hyuuga didn't know what to do! For God's sake... there was a squirrel sleeping on his head. He didn't want to wake it up, but he didn't want it to stay on his head, either. He just wanted it to disappear, but figured that wouldn't work, so he decided to go to the training grounds with the squirrel on his head.

* * *

"Neji... there's a squirrel on your head..." 

"So?"

"ISABELLA!" Lee sprung from the shadows and tried to pry the squirrel off Neji's head. The squirrel, still asleep, clung tight to Neji's head. "WHAT!" Lee put his foot on Neji's face and tried to pull it off of his skull. "COME! ON! ISA! BELLA!" Lee shouted.

"LEE! STOP!" Neji shouted, tears coming to his eyes as the squirrels claws started to dig into his head. "LEE!" Lee then leapt upon Neji's head.

"Wow, Neji-kun... you must have a really big head because you just fit Lee and a squirrel on it!" Tenten marveled, now climbing onto Neji's head. The Hyuuga screamed bloody murder and ran. Tenten and Lee fell off and the squirrel clung to his hair.

Five minutes later, Neji stopped.

"Finally..." He sighed, feeling the top of his head. No squirrel. He started walking back to the training grounds. Buried deep in his hair was the squirrel, sleeping soundly.

* * *

"I'm back..." Neji growled aggravatedly when he leapt back into the training grounds. Tenten and Lee started at him, then broke into little fits of giggles. 

"Neji... your hair... squirrel..."

"Huh?" Neji ran his fingers through his long dark brown hair. He hit something hard towards the bottom. "HUH?" He brought his hair around his shoulder. It felt particularly heavy that day. "SQUIRREL!" Neji screamed, seeing a sleeping squirrel tangled in his hair and jumped away, trying to throw it off. Unfortunately for him, it didn't come out.

"Do the bucking bronco!" Lee suggested, thinking of a the movement a bull does when it bucks, only seeing a human doing. Neji stopped, stared at him, blinked, sighed, then got down on his hands and knees and did the bucking bronco.

Lee and Tenten stared at him, wondering if he was still sane.

"Tenten? Lee? Why is Lee doing the bucking bronco?" Gai asked, walking up, but stopping in his tracks when he was Neji.

"Isabella's in his hair..."

"WHAT!" Gai shouted. "Wait... who's Isabella?"

"One of Lee's squirrels..." Tenten informed.

"Lee has squirrels?"

"You have a turtle..."

"So...?"

"Exactly..." Tenten won the argument.

"Tenten... that was... SO YOUTHFUL!"

"Gai-sensei?"

"TENTEN!"

"eh?-!-? uh... wait! Gai-sensei!"

"TENTEN!"

Hug, rock, giant splas- SLAP

Er... change of sequence...

Almost hug, high-pitched scream from Tenten, push, slap, Gai falls off cliff, Gai falls into water, Gai is left youth less.

"Tenten?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you push Gai-sensei off a cliff?"

"He... tried to hug me..."

"WHAT! NO! HE'S MINE, STAY AWAY!"

"You can have him. He's a child molester. I know it."

"Like Orochimaru?"

Tenten blinked.

"Right..." She replied to Lee after a couple seconds. "Hey, Lee?"

"Yeah?"

"How do we make Neji stop doing the bucking bronco?"

"We push the off button. Duh..." Lee stared at he like she was insane. Tenten blinked.

"The... The off button?"

"Yeah..." Suddenly, he put a GIANT tomato in front of Neji. Neji stopped, threw the squirrel off him, and gazed at the tomato.

"That... is a tomato..." He said slowly.

"Yes, Neji."

"There... is a tomato."

"Yes, Neji."

"Why... is there a tomato?"

"Sasuke..."

"What?"

"TOMATOOOO!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!" Sasuke screamed and suddenly leapt onto the tomato, chewing on it. Neji was about to approach him, but Sasuke hissed and clung to the tomato. "MINE!" He shouted, munching on it.

"Um..."

"SASUKINS! WHERE ARE YOU, SASUKINS?"

"Who was that?" Tenten asked, looking around.

"ITATA-NII-SAN!" Sasuke chimed like a bell and jumped off the tomato, running in the direction of the voice. Itachi appeared and hugged Sasuke.

"OH, SASUKINS! I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU!"

"ME TOO!... DIE DIE DIE!" Sasuke suddenly became a chibi with a mallet and started pounding Itachi.

"WHAT! NO! LITTLE BROTHER, NO! WHY?"

"BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME THAT A RAW SALMON WAS SKIPPY AND I BURIED HIM UNDER THE GARDIENIA BUSH, BUT IN REALITY YOU ACTUALLY FED SKIPPY TO MR. TOMATO!"

"I remember that!... wait... I NEVER TOLD YOU THAT! That was Skippy! I swear!"

"Nuh uh! You confessed online, remember?"

"I... I did?"

"Yeah... and you told everyone how I wet the bed..."

"I did?"

"Yes, Itachi. Yes, you did. Then I told everyone your middle name."

"Hey, I remember that chat room!" Neji piped up. "Itachi's middle name is Cecilia, right?"

"Yeah..."

"GAH! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!" Itachi screamed gaily. "SO WHAT IF I'M UCHIHA CECILIA ITACHI! WHAT DOES IT MATTER?"

"It... doesn't, I suppose but... YOU'RE MIDDLE NAME IS CECILIA! HAHAHA!" Lee screamed. Tenten was blinking furiously, not understanding this conversation.

Suddenly, Naruto ran into the clearing and punched Sasuke and Itachi with a abnormally large and rainbow-colored rasengan. The two went flying away.

"THAT'S FOR YESTERDAY, UCHIHA!" With that, he left, mumbling something about wet cats and laundry detergent.

"Class dismissed..." Gai yelled weakly from below the cliff. Tenten, Lee, and Neji all looked over to the cliff, blinked, then walked their separate ways. Neji went home. Why?

He wanted to read more from Tenten's diary.

* * *

A/N: Sorry this chappiewas REALLY SHORT and sucked, but I had many distractions so I didn't know what I was doing... gomen... oh! And...

IF YOU'D LIKE TO READ THE CHAT ROOM THING I WAS TALKING ABOUT, then go to my profile, go to my stories, then click on 'Shinobi Mystery'. It's their entire IM chatroom convo... (and more) There was about five things in this chappie that were referenced to my other story, so go check it out if you wanna understand... (it's pretty short) REVIEW PLEASE! (sorry it took so damn long to update...) THANKS TO ALL!


	30. Pineapples, Gymnastics, and Gueni Pigs

A/N: Hello all! **I'm dedicating this entire fanfic to Dingus-sama and friends** who are absolutely awesome! (smiles and claps) Thanks for making my fanfiction life inaudibly perfect (huggles) by cosplaying Neji holding Tenten's diary and Sasuke wearing metal pants, handing out business cards for this fic. I am so grateful, I am crying. Thank you! T.T

Disclaimer: Dun own any Naruto charries, but if I did, Kakashi would be mine! (yatta!) And, the little part with the men in the bushes belongs to my beloved sister, Aikyo! (Sora no Hairo Yuki)

_

* * *

Dear Diary,_

_Hello again! Just another Neji-inspired diary entry! -blush- Well, actually, I've got to tell you something first! Sakura, Ino, Hinata, Temari, and I all joined a gymnastics class! Isn't that awesome? Sakura's really good at the trampoline tricks! I wanna do that too! So, I decided that I'd work on my trampoline exercises more often! In other words, I'll be at the gymnastics center after we get out and I'll be practicing! Someday, I'll tell Neji-kun about it and he'll maybe watch one of my shows when I'm famous! Hehe. I'd like to see Neji-kun in tights! Wouldn't you? That'd be hilarious! Haha. I'd also like to, seriously, see him doing gymnastics! Wouldn't that be SO cool if we got paired up in a show? Well, gotta go! Dinner time! Ja!_

_-Tenten_

Neji stared at the date this was written. Two weeks ago. That meant that she would still be doing this thing! He had a chance! But, just how would he become a gymnast?

He was in shape for it, but he didn't have the talent females had. He thought about plastic surgery for a second, then let that drop.

"No... did that already and Tenten practically killed me... Oh! I know!"

* * *

"Please help me, oh great one, with your intelligence of the female body and it's movements..." Neji bowed to the one he had gone to help for. 

"Ah, yes! Now, child. What is this inspiration inspired from?"

"I want to learn gymnastics."

"I se- GYMNASTICS!-? Hahaha! Oh, dear kami-sama! That'll never work!"

"What? Bu-"

"Forget it! You'll fail!"

"Jiraiya-sama, please!"

"No, no, NO! Boys weren't meant to wear tights! Just look at Sasuke? He wears metal pants! Not tights! That's the way it should be!"

"Wait... are you suggesting I wear metal pants?"

"Well... it wouldn't hurt..."

The duo stared at each other.

"Um... J-Jiraiya-sama...?"

"Yes?"

"I can't do gymnastics in metal pants..."

The sannin blinked.

"...right..."

Silence. A very long silence.

"I can teach you gymnastics, Neji..."

"YOU? Why? Please don't tell me you're a gymnast?"

"No... but I've seen it done over a million times..."

"Well, alright then..."

"Okay! Meet me tonight at the lake! We'll start on the water!"

"Why?"

"Because the water makes everyone look sexier!"

Neji stared at him, then decided it was best he didn't ask.

"Okay..."

* * *

Soon, nighttime had fallen, the full moon was high in the sky, and Neji was on his way to the lake. 

"Hyuuga?"

"Uchiha..."

"Why are you wearing tights?"

"Why are _you_ wearing metal pants?"

Sasuke stared at Neji, then looked down at his own metal pants, then back to Neji.

"This moment never happened..."

"Right..."

With that, the two walked their separate ways, Sasuke's pants clinking.

* * *

"HYUUGA! TIME TO START YOUR NEW TRAINING!" Jiraiya greeted, striking his 'awesomeness' pose. "ON TO THE WATER WITH YE!" Neji focused his chakra and walked onto the water. Jiraiya surveyed his tights. "You're wearing... tights..." 

"Yes I am..."

They stared for a second, then blinked at each other.

"Okay, then. I suppose we'll start with the basics... Now," Jiraiya put a floating balance (A/N: I think that's what the long brown bars you balance on are called.) on the water. "Onto the balance beam! Your task is to stay on it without using chakra and do a bunch of fancy tricks that make you look like a girl."

"You're... joking, right?"

"No..."

So, Neji got onto the balance beam and unfocused his chakra, causing him to fall off and straight into the piranha-infested waters below them.

"Ah... this is going to be a long night..." Jiraiya sighed.

* * *

It was now nearing two in the morning and Neji had gotten to be a graceful swan. Surprisingly, Jiraiya had shown him most things completely correctly. 

"Well, that'll be enough for tonight, cricket!"

"...cricket?"

"Yeah... you know! Haven't you ever seen those movies?"

"I think you mean grasshopper..."

Jiraiya blinked.

"Neji."

"Yes?"

"I am your father..."

Neji stared at him.

"What?"

Jiraiya blinked again.

"Goodbye, Luke..." He said and turned to go.

"HUH!-?" Neji was baffled. He was about to ask who Luke was, but was cut off by a scream.

"NO! IT CAN'T END THERE!"

Jiraiya and Neji froze. Looking all around them, there were multiple females with camera's hiding in the bushes. Gaara was among them.

Neji stared at them for a moment in silence.

"I-is that... is that Uchiha Itachi...? And... and Deidara! So, he IS a woman!" Neji gaped at them. Jiraiya came up beside Neji and squinted.

"Hmm... Itachi, Gaara, Deidara, Haku, and Ka- wait... why is Kakashi there?"

"Why are ANY of them there?" Neji asked, slowly staring at the sannin. Jiraiya shrugged.

"Um... go home!... please?"

The woman all stared at him, then went home, followed by Haku and Deidara, who were both officially classified as women.

"Well...? Itachi, Kakashi, and Gaara... what about you three?"

They just stared them, then turned and walked back, whispering.

* * *

That morning at training, Neji tried decided not to tell Tenten why he was so tired. He was expecting to have to explain everything to her, but, instead, she came running up to him with a smile. 

"NEJI-KUN! I GOT YOU A TENTEN!" Tenten screamed, holding something furry in her hands. Neji stared at her, then at the furry thing in her hands. He thought it bore a striking resemblance to Dosu's puffy 'kitty' on his back.

"You got me... a... Tenten...?" Neji asked unsuredly.

"Yup!" She opened her hands fully to reveal a brown gueni pig. Neji gaped at it.

"Y-y-you're j-joking, ri-right?"

"Nope?"

"B-but... it'll die... Just like Uki-kun..."

"Uki-kun?"

"Y-yeah..."

"Who's that?"

"Masashi's dead plant..."

"M-Masashi?" Neji stared at her. Who was this Masashi person she spoke of?

"Er... never mind..." Tenten shook her head and shoved the furry little creature into Neji's arms. "Now, you come sleep-over tonight, bring Tenten, and I'll show you how to properly keep her healthy and alive, kay?"

What was he supposed to do? Say no? Ha! Not after getting an invite from his favorite female in the world.

"S-sure..."

* * *

Soon enough, Neji was on his way, holding Tenten in her carrying case, to Tenten's house for proper lessons on proper gueni-pig care. 

He passed a field of pineapples, then stopped, noticing it'd be shorter to walk through it than around it. So, he waltzed right through it, examining the pineapples casually as he went.

About halfway through, he stopped. For some reason, he could have sworn he had just seen a pineapple move. Was that possible?

He put Tenten, in her case, down and went over to the pineapple. Not only had it moved, but it was brown and fluffy. Not, yellow and spiky. He felt it. It felt like...like... hair?

He firmly placed both hands around it and tugged with all his might. He heard a yelp and pulled out a body. He stared at the disgruntled 'pineapple' with a terrified expression. (Wouldn't you be terrified if you just pulled a human from the ground thinking it was a brown pineapple?)

"Shi-Shika...?" Neji exclaimed. "Wha-what are you doing in the ground?"

"I'm growing..." Shikamaru explained as if it were an everyday thing to bury yourself alive and impersonate a pineapple.

Neji stared at him.

"G-growing?"

"Yes. Growing. Temari's over yonder..." He said, then burrowed back into the ground like a gopher and started to impersonate a brown pineapple once more.

Neji turned around. Sure enough, there were four pineapples that didn't look normal. For one thing, the four were all sprouting from what looked like the same root, not to mention they were fuzzy as well. He pulled the 'pineapples' and out came Temari, who glared at him with an intense hatred.

"I'm growing, you know..." She growled.

"Er... right..." Neji watched her bury herself again and do the same once more.

Never did Hyuuga Neji look at a pineapple the same way again from that day on...

* * *

"Hey, Tenten-chan! I'm here!" Neji stated after Tenten opened the door. 

"Konbanwa, Neji-kun! What took you so long?"

"You don't want to know..."

"Nande...?"

"Because Temari and Shikamaru were growing..."

Tenten stared at him. She decided it'd be best not to ask.

"Um... right... Well, er... here! C'mon in! We gotta get to work on your gueni-pig skills!" With that, Tenten pulled Neji and Tenten inside her house and set Tenten, the gueni pig, next to Neji, the gueni pig. Tenten pulled out some alfalfa hay.

"What's that?" Neji asked.

"Alfalfa hay! It's a thing that they enjoy as a little mini-meal!" She smiled, feeding a piece to Tenten and Neji.

"So... you eat it?" Neji took a handful and stuffed it in his mouth. Tenten stared at him, her jaw slightly ajar. Neji stared back. Suddenly, he realized it didn't taste good and spit it out.

"Neji no like!-!" Neji wailed. Tenten was about to lecture him, but a moth flew in front of her and she screamed instead.

"KIYAAA!"

"I got it!" Neji grabbed Neji (the gueni pig) and swatted the moth with the pigs' body. Tenten stared in horror and grabbed the gueni pig before Neji could do anything else.

"HYUUGA NEJI!"

"What?"

The moth fell to the ground. Suddenly, Shino burst through the door.

"YOU KILLED KENNY!" He screamed dramatically and fell to his knees. He lightly picked up the moth and went away to have a funeral for it in the pineapple patch.

Tenten and Neji stared after him for a moment, then went back to looking to the gueni pigs, who happened to be touching snouts.

Both humans blushed and squealed fangirlish/boyish-ly.

"Neji-kun?"

"Hn?"

"We would never do that, right?"

"Tenten?"

"Yes?"

"Do we have snouts?"

Tenten imagined Neji with a snout.

"No, Neji-kun. No, we do not..."

"Exactly..."

* * *

A/N: Meh. 


	31. Neji's New Religion

A/N: Heyoo.

* * *

It was now nearing midnight and Tenten, as Neji had assumed, was sound asleep. He was sleeping in the guest bedroom (again) and was bored stiff. So, he decided to listen to music... 

_Bad idea_

"Neji-kun?" Tenten wearily opened the door to look in upon Neji dancing on the bed... singing. He hadn't noticed her coming in.

"Tenten's mom has got it going on! She's all I want and I've waited for s-"

Neji stopped. Tenten stopped. The music stopped.

**Everything stopped.**

"Um..."

Neji blinked.

Cricket... cricket...

"Neji?"

"Yes?"

"...my... mother?"

"Eh...? OH! No! It's a song! You know... Stacy's mom?..."

The two stared at each other.

"Neji?"

"Yes?"

"Let's pretend this didn't happen, okay?"

"Yeah..."

With that, Tenten shut the door and left Neji in awkward silence.

"Oh! I gotta go meet Jiraiya-sama!" Neji suddenly realized and sprung off the bed and quickly out of Tenten's house.

* * *

"It's about time you showed up, gaki!" 

"I know, I know... I just... well... you don't want to know..."

The sannin blinked.

"I don't?"

"No..."

"Okay, then... you ready for gymnastics?"

"Actually, Jiraiya-sama..."

"What?"

"Well..."

"Yes?"

"Can you-"

"Oh GOD! Don't tell me you need swimming lessons!"

Neji just stared at him. What the fuck?-?

"Eh?"

"Well... it always seems you end up in Sasuk-"

"Don't... say... those... words..." Neji whispered in his most threatening tone. Jiraiya didn't ask why... he just _didn't._

"Okay... Well, you wanted something?"

"I can't do gymnastics..."

"I know you can't... but yesterday, you were a beautiful swan!"

"I... am not a swan... FEAR ME! Ahem... never mind that little... comment... Hitler shall rule..."

With that, Neji was off.

Not just off, but off...

Off into the world! The world... of SMURFS!...

Huh? It's not smurfs? Oh... must've been a typo...

-ahem-

As I was saying, Neji was off to the world of...

Tenten's diary.

In Tenten's house?

Yes... Neji was _that_ stupid...

_Dear Diary,_

_I always found it fascinating how different animals use different traits to determine their mates. I know peacocks go by how big the male's tail is, and lizards go by how many push-ups the male can do... Hmm... I wonder why I'm attracted to Neji._

Neji pondered for a moment.

Why was _he_ attracted to _Tenten_?

Well, DUH! She's cute, she's smart,... she's... uncaring about her teammates (cough curry of life cough).

Neji shook the thought from his mind and continued to read.

_I suppose it's just because he's so cute and smart and uncaring about his teammates!_

Neji blinked.

Why did that sound familiar...?

_hehe! I've always wondered what religion he is... I'm Roman Catholic, but I don't know what Neji-kun is... hmm... should I convert him?_

Neji didn't read the rest.

He immediately shut the diary, took a big gulp of air, and just breathed for a moment.

"C-con-convert?" Neji whispered.

* * *

"Ohayo gozaimasu, Neji-kun!" Tenten greeted cheerily while making pancakes for the two of them in the morning. 

"Ohayo..." Neji grunted, still stunned from last night. "Umm... say, Tenten?"

"Yes?"

"Ano... you... er... would never... umm... try to... to... _convert_ me, would you...?"

Tenten stared at him.

"Well...it depends... what religion are you...?"

"I'm an atheist..." Neji growled, glaring at his love. Tenten dropped everything.

"NO! YOU CAN'T!" She wept, hugging her arms around his neck pitifully.

"Nande...?"

"Because you need to have something of greater value in your life to worship!"

"Wor...ship...?"

"Yes! Worship!"

"No..."

"Then, if you don't find a religion in three days, I'll convert you! So, hurry up, Neji-kun!"

With that, she put two pancakes on his plate and served it.

* * *

"Religion... need to find a re...li... Umm... Can I help you?" Neji blinked, staring at the monks who were staring at him with wide eyes and looks of conversion in his direction. 

They didn't talk... or blink... they just...

_STARED_

And it was really annoying Neji.

"Umm... seriously... what's wrong with you guys...?"

The monks stared, then.. the pulled 'it' out.

Neji stared at the sharp and pointy thing. He was scared... VERY scared.

"NOOO! I'M NOT BUDDHIST!" Neji screamed and ran, holding his head, away from the monks holding the razors.

* * *

"Okay... well, I don't wanna be bald, so that rules a few religions. Hmm... Oh! I know the PERFECT religion!-!" 

With that, Neji was off to tell Tenten his new religion.

* * *

"Scientology?" Tenten smirked. "You're kidding, right?" 

"No!"

"Do you even know what scientology is?"

"Of course I...don't..." Neji blinked. He had just always thought that it was something he'd enjoy.

"Okay... well. Here. I got this definition from Shikamaru... It's, and I quote, 'the study of knowledge or truth'..."

"Oh..." Neji said slowly. He didn't like it. "Fine... then I'll join the fatetology religion!"

"Neji... I've never heard that one before... What is it?"

"It is my religion! I made it up!"

"You can't make up your own religion!"

"Yes I can!"

"Alright... if you can get some people to join and run a full meeting, then I'll let you make your own religion, alright?"

"I don't need your permission!"

"Yes you do..."

"Why?"

"Because I'm Tenten..."

Neji blinked. That didn't make any sense. Then again, nearly his entire current life didn't make sense. So, he went along with it.

"Alright! I'll run a full meeting and we'll worship fate!"

With that, Neji stormed off to find nin that would join.

* * *

"I did it! I really did it!" Neji cried happily, throwing his arms in the air. "Tomorrow, I will throw a full meeting with my members! Yatta!" He cried and flopped down on his bed. With a long and joyful sigh, he smiled, then went to sleep for the night.

* * *

"Okay! Now... I'm calling attendance!" Neji called when he proudly stepping into the mosque in front of his group he had randomly gathered the day before to form the 'fatetology' religion. 

"Sasuke?"

"here"

"Saku- wait... Why are you here, Sakura? I didn't even see you yesterday..." Neji blinked, staring at the pink-haired kunoichi.

"Well, Sasuke-kun said he joined a religion and I wanted to join the same one, so I stalked Sasuke and followed him here!"

_Silence..._

"Okay, then... Well, uh... Hinata?"

"Here...!"

"Sai?"

"Here"

Naruto suddenly got up from the back of the room and pointed to Sai.

"IF HE'S HERE THEN THERE'S NO WAY I'M HERE!"

"ASS!"

"BITCH!"

The two jumped on each other and started beating each other to death. Sai was winning. Sasuke eyed Sai for a moment.

"Oh mi Gawd..." He hopped, literally, over to Sai. Sai and Naruto immediately stopped and stared at the sparkly-eyed Uchiha. "Sai-sama... how... how did you do that? That was just like in Yugioh!"

Everyone just stared at him.

"Wha-what?" Sai stuttered, blinking.

"How you drew those things and they came to life! Zomg! Teach me!"

"Uh..."

Neji took control once more.

"Can you two discuss this outside? This happens to be fatetology worship..."

Sasuke nodded quickly and grabbed Sai by the arm and dragged the screaming black-haired boy outside with him. Naruto blinked, then took his seat again.

"Right... Naruto?"

"Here"

"Gaara?"

"Here"

"Pa- uh... wait. Pakkun?"

"Yes... don't tell Kakashi I'm here... I'm not supposed to be..." The doggie growled, nervously glancing over his shoulder as if there might be someone there.

"Uh..."

"OBJECTION! Dog's aren't aloud to practice religion!" Sakura called.

"ARE TO!" Pakkun barked.

"Alright, enough!" Neji yelled. "Pakkun... you can stay, I suppose... Now. Gai?"

"Here, my youthful Hyuuga!" The giant green-clothed clone yelled with tears streaming from his eyes.

"Uh... right. Lee?"

"HERE, NEJI!" Lee shouted, smiling and playing with his squirrels.

"Good... um... Shino?"

"..."

"Good..." Neji sweatdropped. The Aburame was probably still mad at the Hyuuga for killing Kenny... "Okay. Well... that's everyo-"

"What about me?"

Everyone turned to look at where the voice had originated from.

"Uh... Itachi?" Neji blinked and checked his list. "Y-you're not on here... In fact, I didn't even tell you about my new religion..."

Itachi gasped.

"This isn't the cult meeting?"

"..cult... meeting...?"

"Never mind..." Itachi slowly got up and slid outside, running in the direction of his 'cult meeting'.

Silence.

Cough.

More silence.

Cricket.

Even more silence. Then...

disco music...

Neji and everyone looked around, then noticed it was coming from outside where Sai and Sasuke were. The Hyuuga walked to the door and opened it.

"It's raining men! Hallelujah! It's raining men!" Sasuke and Sai sang out. It was an odd sight... in fact, it was more than odd, because Sai was drawing men and making them rain on Sasuke, who was in a dress and high heels and prancing around to the beat.

No one even commented and Neji just shut the door and let them do... whatever it was they were doing...

"Right. Now... everyone ready for our first meeting?"

* * *

A/N: Yes, I do realize that the writing in my chapters is getting to be a bunch of one liners and not very affective in style. But, let me tell you this. Yes. I can write paragraphs, ect... If you don't believe me, then take a look at 'Turning the Pages' or 'Live Memories' (two of my other fics). They are written to my full extent. Not like this fic, which I'm just doing for laughs and fun. XD I tend to write less in each chapter of humor fics. Turning the Pages is a yaoi, so I tend to write a LOT of dialog in that. This is the reason for my shortened lines of text in this fic. Sorry about that (even though no one's complained... yet...) 


	32. Neji's Fatetology Meeting

A/N: Yes. I finally went back and edited all the added rulers. (Members that were here and posting during this time should remember when FF had that glitch and no added rulers were working.)

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto...

* * *

'Okay... gotta make this work successfully or Tenten's gonna convert me...' Neji gulped at the thought, then shook it from his mind and started the meeting.

"Alright! I will start off with the rules of fatetology... or, more commonly known as, commandments.

"Commandment number one: Fate is always right." Everyone blinked, but went along with it. Neji continued. "Commandment number two: Don't listen to Naruto... he's gay."

Everyone turned to Naruto, who was innocently playing with his tongue, seeing what shapes he could make it.

"Huh?" He asked, tongue now in the shape of a clover. Neji sweatdropped, then shook his head, and went back to listing the commandments.

"Commandment number three: Orochimaru is a pedophile. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise... especially not Sasuke..."

Everyone just looked at each other, wondering if these were really commandments or not. To them, it sounded more like rules. Neji ignored them and continued.

"Commandment... er... rule number four," He had gotten the message. "You must always ride your llama to meetings."

"...why...?" Sakura asked, breaking the agonizing silence filling the room.

"...I heard that's what they do in Hinduism..."

_cricket... cricket..._

"What? It's not?"

Everyone shook their heads. Neji sweatdropped. This wasn't going so well...

"Alright, then... I'm changing number four to be that every member must bring me a payment of one or more pixie stix if you wish to enter."

At this mention, more than half got up and left. In fact, when the room cleared, there was nothing left except for tumbleweed.

Neji stood there... alone in a mosque... blinking.

"WHAT!-?"

The door opened and Neji looked there hopefully, only to be disappointed to see Itachi.

"Itachi... I told you... this isn't the cult meeting..."

Itachi stopped. Neji stopped. Everything stopped... again.

"Itachi...?"

"Yeah?"

"I-Is... Is that an... an _apron_?" Neji marveled. Itachi looked down, then back to the Hyuuga.

"...this isn't cooking class...?"

"...no..."

The Uchiha blinked, turned, then left without another word.

Neji was going to cry. He had successfully failed his mission... now... he'd be converted. With a sigh, he tried to think on the bright side. Maybe being converted to Roman Catholic wouldn't be such a bad thing...

* * *

WRONG! Being converted to Roman Catholic was the WORST and STUPIDEST thing Neji had EVER given in to!

"Now, let us pray...: We believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, creator of heaven and earth..."

Neji was now kneeling in a pew in ... church.

He was in a tux and Tenten was in a dress. The weapons mistress was reciting the prayer perfectly. Neji, however, was babbling random words.

"Blah blah... the Lord is holy... blah... Church... blah... important golden cup... blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa- er..."

The prayer had finished and everyone was staring at the Hyuuga as if he were insane. Tenten leaned over to Neji after the services resumed.

"Now is not the time to practice your baaing..." She whispered, then sat kneeled up straight. Neji couldn't take much more of this. He seriously couldn't. But, unfortunately for him, he had to wait till the service was over.

* * *

The church service had now ended and everyone was leaving. That is... everyone except...

"Neji? You alive? NEJI!" Tenten yelled, poking the twitching Hyuuga with her finger. "Yo... Neji-kun... hello?"

"GAAAAAAAH!" Neji screamed at the top of his lungs and jumped five feet in the air, grasping his head in insanity. His eyes spiraled psychotically and he smiled at Tenten. Then... he started to run in circles throughout the church, jumping over pews and random elder people. "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! GYAAAAAAH!"

_BANG!_

Neji fell over with a thud at the collision of his head and the foot of Jesus Christ (the statue).

"NEJI!" Tenten screamed in astonishment and dashed over to him. "Oh mi gosh! Are you okay?" She shook him a bit, gaping at his bleeding forehead.

"Waow!" Neji laughed drunkenly. "Jesus has a pointy toe..." With that, he collapsed in Tenten arms, bleeding profusely.

"NEJI-KUN!-!"

* * *

A/N: Keyaa. 


	33. Neji Is Delusional Tenten Moves In

A/N: Eh.

Disclaimer: I dun own le Naruto series! Cha!

XXX

Neji was unconscious. In his mind, he was quite dead, though.

The Hyuuga was floating in an endless abyss of nothingness and a blinding white that was infinite. He could hear people calling his name, telling him something. He listened harder, finally understanding what they were saying.

"You're so unholy... You have disgraced the toe of Jesus Christ!"

"Eh...?" Neji looked all around him for the source of the voice but couldn't find anything.

"Hyuuga Neji... this is your conscience speaking!"

"My conscience?"

"Yes... your conscience..."

Neji blinked. He didn't know he had a conscience.

"You must pray, Hyuuga Neji... pray to reprimand your guilty feelings!"

"...I don't have any guilty feelings..."

"...yes you do..."

"No... I don't..."

"Yes you-"

"Look... if you're gonna be a nag, then I suggest you stop talking to me."

"What are you gonna do if I don't?"

"...I'll kill you..."

"You can't kill me... I am your conscience..."

"...so?"

"Actually... this isn't your conscience at all! This is Satan..."

"...why do you have a woman's voice...?"

"Did you ever think that I was a girl!-?"

"Oo! Like that song by Groove Coverage? God is a Girl?" Neji hummed the chorus out loud, lightly dancing to the beat.

"NO! I'm Satan, remember?"

Neji was too busy humming to realize Satan was talking to him.

"FINE! How about I play you at mah jong? I rule at that game!"

"Sure!"

With that, the imaginary thing Neji had been talking to appeared in the form a red rabbit and took out a mah jong board.

Five minutes later, Neji won.

"Oooh, yeah! Who's good? I'm good! Oo Yeah!" Neji sang out, dancing his deer-enhanced victory dance some random Indians had taught him.

The red rabbit sweatdropped and shook its' head.

"Alas! You have beaten moi! Now, awake from your slumber!"

"Slumber...? Who uses 'slumber' anymore...?"

Silence.

"Just wake up, dammit..."

"Alright..."

With that, Neji awoke from his deep sleep of unconsciousness and stared up into the faces of Lee, Tenten, Gai, Shizune, Tsunade, and Sakura. He sat up slowly, rubbing his forehead where Jesus' toe had hurt him.

"Itai..." He growled angrily.

"Neji! You beat me at mah jong in your sleep!" Lee wailed. Neji blinked.

"Huh?" He looked up and saw that everyone was staring wildly at him. Tsunade put her hand on his forehead and felt her own.

"...no fever..." She said slowly. "...maybe the collision with the toe made you delusional... did you happen to dream anything to do with playing mah jong and winning it?"

"Yeah... against my conscience... which turned out to be Satan... which turned into a red bunny..."

Everyone just stared at him as if he was insane.

"...what?" He asked bluntly.

Everyone took one giant step back.

"Ugh..." Neji groaned and hung his legs over the side of the bed. "Can I go home now, Tsunade-sama?"

"Well... I suppose, but...er... Have you been taking your medications...?"

"...maybe..."

"Hyuuga Neji... you KNOW what happens when you don't take your medications! Do I have to get Hiashi-san to watch over you every single second of your life?"

"What? N-no, of course not, Hokage-sama!" Neji stuttered. Tenten stepped foreword.

"I'll live with him and make sure he takes his medications!"

Everyone turned to stare at Tenten, who was smiling gleefully.

"Well..." Tsunade began. Neji cut her off.

"NO!"

Tenten gave Neji a glance that signified complete and utter doom. Neji gulped and shrunk under the covers.

"Er... I mean... That'd be great..."

Tenten smiled and looked to Tsunade, who blinked and sighed.

"Alright... I hereby decree that Tenten shall live with Neji for a month and be his 'housewife'..."

The two of them blushed furiously at the thought of being along-the-lines-of married.

"Ahaha... alright, then! I suppose I'll be Neji's" Tenten's gulped. "...housewife..."

Gai, Lee, and Shizune all burst out laughing. Sakura twitched and Tsunade put on a smug look of victory.

* * *

"Okay, Neji-kun! I'll be over tonight ten! I'll pack my things and come straight over, kay? I'll have to make sure my mom is okay with it, too! Ja, Neji-kun!" With that, she took off towards her house. Neji stared after her for a moment, then slowly turned and walked back to his own house.

On the way, he thought about many things that would change.

For one thing, there was only one bathroom in the house. For another thing, there was only one bedroom in the house. For another thing, there was only one bed in the house.

Neji blinked.

This might not go so well...

* * *

A/N: Yes, sorry it's short... but I promised you guys a chapter and, in fact, I don't really have time to do a chapter, so this took me about a maximum of ten minutes to write. 


	34. Neji's First Night As A Husband

Disclaimer: I dun own the Naruto series!

* * *

**Night One**

Neji sat alone at home, dreading the second the clock turned to ten o'clock. Each slow 'tick tock' set him on edge. He gulped down his third glass of water and sighed long and hard, thinking of what to do. He could always go and get another bed tomorrow... but... what about tonight?

He decided it'd be best not to think about it until he absolutely had to. So, he took out Tenten's diary and read an entry. It had been like a hobby of his lately.

_Dear Diary,_

_Have you ever wondered about how sleeping with the love of your life would be? Haha... I have! I've imagined my stuffed pikachu was Neji-kun! Haha... Pretty fangirlish, huh? Well... I wish I could sleep with him. But, then again... that might be bad for Neji-kun... Ahem... you're probably wondering why, eh? Well... it's because I might accidentally kill him in my sleep. You see... I have this problem..._

DING DONG!

Neji's eyes snapped away from the diary, to the door, to the clock. He noticed it was exactly ten o'clock. He gulped and tried to read more of the diary on his way to the door. Unfortunately, the walking pattern of a human being wouldn't allow that. So, he, reluctantly, hid the diary from Tenten's sight.

Putting his hand toward the knob, he noticed he was shaking. He withdrew his hand and blinked.

'...she... has a problem...' He thought timidly in his mind and screamed out loud. "KIYAA!"

"Neji-kun?"

"...AAA- eh?" Then, he remembered Tenten was right outside the door and quickly opened it to face the frightening female creature with an unknown problem of killing guys she likes in her sleep.

"H-h-h-hey, T-T-Tent-t-ten-ch-cha-chan... ehehehehee..." Neji stuttered, twitching and fidgeting every nanosecond. Tenten cocked her head concernedly.

"Are you okay, Neji-kun?"

"YesI'mfinehowareyou?" Neji yelled at her in in one big slur. Then, he spread his lips like a donkey and giggled. Tenten took one step backwards.

"Neji-kun... Have you been taking your medica-"

"WEEEEEshnaw!" With that, the Hyuuga ran inside the house, dashed up to the second floor, slid into the bathroom, and jumped into his hamper. Tenten didn't ask and just let herself in anyways.

'Oh my God... what do I do!-?' Neji thought helplessly, curled in the feedle position in the hamper. 'I have a ruthless murderer in my house and I'm in love with her! What do I do!-?'With that, Neji got an idea! He could call... THE GEEK SQUAD!...but... what good would that do? 'Well... I could get that light bulb in the attic fixed...'

Deep down below Neji's house, in the darkened depths of the attic, a lonely light bulb was hanging from the roof. Completely broken. It had died... and no one had cared. Ever.

It was offended.

Neji blinked. Did he just get a bad vibe? He shook the thought from his head and got himself back on track.

"Neji-ku-"

"AHHHHH!" Neji toppled out of the hamper as Tenten lifted the lid. He suddenly noticed she had locked the door. He felt trapped. Claustrophobic, almost!

"Neji-kun! Matte! You need to take your medicine!" Tenten held out a pill. Neji blinked.

Oh.

THAT was the pill he was GOING to take this morning... but... he had sort of forgotten...

"Open up!" Tenten giggled as Neji opened wide. She shoved the pill down his throat and Neji was "sober" once more. He coughed and blinked a few times, wondering what had just happened. Then...

He remembered the diary.

"KIYAA!"

"Neji-kun? What's wrong?"

Neji stopped, trying to look at her without twitching, but, indefinitely, found that completely impossible.

"N-nothing!" He uttered, gulping.

Tenten coked an eyebrow and sighed.

"Okay, if you say so..." She commented, then changed the subject as she dragged the Hyuuga down the stairs to the living room. "So... where am I gonna sleep?"

Neji stopped. Tenten looked back at him.

"What? I'm not... gonna sleep on the floor, am I?" She questioned, astonished. Neji quickly shook his head.

"N-no... it's just... th-there's a problem..." The Hyuuga stuttered, looking timidly down at his feet, trying to keep his nose from gushing blood.

"A...problem?" She asked hesitantly.

"Yeah... er... I, um... only have one bed..."

Tenten stared at him, completely baffled as to what he had just said.

"But... Neji-kun... that means..."

"Yeah..."

"Um... Can I sleep on the couch?" She asked, blushing wildly. Neji was positive that this was the most utterly embarrassing moment in his entire life.

"Er...well... You could... but, you see... it... kind of isn't suitable for sleeping on... You'll wake up with back aches, head aches, and just about every other ache you could possibly think of... And it doesn't go away for days..." Neji blinked while explaining. Tenten's eyes went wide and a solid red blush ran across her face.

"Uh..."

* * *

"Goodnight, Tenten..."

"Oyasuminasai, Neji-kun..."

Neji and Tenten laid scrunched together in Neji's bed in complete darkness. Both lay wide awake, eyes unblinking and wide, staring at the ceiling, just waiting for something to happen. Neji coughed, breaking the silence. Then, he felt Tenten try to roll over. Instead, she ended up scooching further into him and laying her head on his chest. Neji bit his lip, making it bleed, and kept himself from screaming like a little girl.

Tenten just stopped. She didn't dare move any further. Thoughts were racing through her head like madness.

Neji took it back. THIS had to be the most utterly embarrassing moment in his life.

The silence was nagging at them both to do something. Both of their bodies were stiff and unchanging. Neither dared to speak.

"Noooo!" A voice trailed in through Neji's tiny, head-sized, open window. "KISAME! PUT ME OUT! PUT ME OUT!"

CRASH! BANG! KLANG! BOOM!

Silence...

"DAMMIT ITACHI! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS GET YOURSELF ON FIRE!-?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"WELL FIGURE IT OUT!"

"BECAUSE I'M HOTT!"

"SHUT UP!-!"

Itachi and Kisame blinked outside Neji's window. Tenten looked to Neji in the darkness. The Hyuuga had gotten quite annoyed with the duo's pointless yelling RIGHT outside his window.

"SORRY!" Itachi and Kisame yelled again.

"COME ON, ITACHI! LET'S GO CONTINUE THIS CONVERSATION SOMEWHERE WHERE WE CAN BE RIGHTFULLY APPRECIATED!" Kisame yelled at Itachi.

"YOU'RE RIGHT, KISAME! LET'S GO!" Itachi yelled back. With that, the two pranced away. Neji let out a long sigh of relief and scooted down in his covers. Suddenly, his eyes snapped open. He had forgotten Tenten was there.

"..." Neji didn't dare say a word.

"...uh..." Tenten muttered. "G-goodnight..." She stuttered, adjusting herself to the absolute farthest point on the bed from Neji. The Hyuuga, in turn, scooted to the wall, where Tenten and him weren't touching. He gulped and tried to go asleep. Although, knowing your death would be tonight wasn't helping him.

He suddenly realized that this was going to be a _very_ long night.

* * *

It was now nearing the end of midnight and the peak of one am. Neji was still awake, his eyes wide open in sheer terror. It made him look like a frog. Tenten was snoring lightly beside him. So far, nothing bad had happened... until...

SNOOOOOOORT!

Neji nearly jumped five feet in the air at the sound of a giant snort from Tenten. He clutched his sheets tightly and gulped. She sounded like Muzzy. (A/N: In the language videos?... haha... We watched those in Spanish class! XD)

Only... that wasn't the worst of it. Tenten muttered something incomprehensible in her sleep and scooted closer to Neji, who backed up as far as possible until he hit the wall. Tenten kept scooting closer, making her look like a deformed earth worm. Neji held back a squeak as Tenten immediately latched onto him, her arms tightly hugged around his abdomen, her legs latched around his legs. Neji couldn't move.

"..Tenten...?" He whispered, astonished. His eyes widened as he heard a low growl emit from the female. The Hyuuga gulped. 'Oh no... this is it...'

"GWAAAAR!" Tenten bellowed, growling like a lion. She even did the head motion. Then, she curled up and started laughing to herself in her sleep. "Hehe... hehehe... HWAHAHA! PFFFFTAHAHA!"

Neji blinked. What was this woman on?

'Saliva...?' Neji looked down and noticed Tenten was chewing on his boxers. "KIYAAA!" He screamed and tried to jump up. But, unfortunately for him, Tenten stopped chewing and grabbed Neji so tight that he couldn't breath, mumbling something about strawberries dancing in a meadow.

"Wheeehehe... Neji goes whoooooosh with le hanger..." Tenten mumbled. Neji gulped and tried to gain some oxygen. But, nothing came. Suddenly, he felt something slimy on his lips. He blinked and noticed Tenten had just planted a sloppy kiss of drool onto his lips. Neji stopped trying to breath, realizing he did not feel like breathing at the moment.

Tenten wrapped her arms around his neck, then she kneed him in the stomach. Neji choked, but Tenten kept him in the kiss. Then, she started to kick his ass with all her might. Neji winced and squealed, tapping Tenten with all his might, trying to wake her up. Tears streamed from his head as Tenten continued to kick him in the ass. Suddenly, when Neji was at his last thread, Tenten's eyes shot open and everything stopped.

Ever so slowly, Tenten backed off of Neji, crept off the bed, backed out of his room, slid out the door, and closed it, all without leaving the Hyuuga's eyes and without blinking. Neji sat there for a moment, blinking. Then, he realized something.

His ass REALLY hurt...

"HOLY-" Neji keeled over, holding his "manly area" in pain. All that could be heard from outside was two blood-curdling screams: One from a female's voice; One from a male's voice.

"KIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

* * *

**Day One**

Neji gobbled down his cereal monstrously, shoveling spoonful after spoonful into his mouth. He chewed it as if it was his least favorite thing in the world. Almost as if it was something he wanted to kill. Each bite with his teeth made a huge crunching sound. He stared directly across from him. He glared at the wall as if it were his worst enemy.

Tenten sat on the side of the table, slowly chewing her cereal in silence, as she peculiarly watched the strange actions of her love, her head cocked.

Neji finished his cereal, dropped his spoon into the bowl, got up, marched to the sink, cleaned the bowl, turned on his heel, marched to the door, and turned to face Tenten once more.

"Training," He stated angrily. Tenten blinked, then realized they had to meet with Gai and Lee. So, she got up, cleaned her bowl with care, and waltzed to Neji, blushing wildly. The Hyuuga blushed also, and opened the door, holding his hand out to signify that he wanted her to walk out first. She bowed lightly to him and ran out the door, a liveliness to her step. Neji took one deep breath, counted to ten, and slowly exhaled.

This was going to be a long training session...

* * *

A/N: Yay. 


	35. Training Gone Wrong

A/N: Whoo.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, I'd be rich...

* * *

**Day One Continues...**

"Alright! Tenten, you're with Neji! Lee, you're with me! Yoshi!" Gai yelled wildly, giving the 'nice-guy' pose with an added tooth 'ping'. Neji and Tenten's eyes grew wide as Lee gave a screech of youthfulness.

"OH, GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

Hug, rock, wave splash, sparkles, sunset... you know the drill...

Neji and Tenten WOULD have sweatdropped, had they not been fearing what would happen next.

"ALRIGHT, MY YOUTHFUL STUDENTS!" Gai yelled happily. "GET TO IT!" With that, he and Lee started with their normal taijutsu routines as Neji and Tenten stood there, facing each other with a frightened look on each other's face.

"Um..." Tenten started.

"Tenten-chan... may I ask you something?" Neji suggested. Tenten nodded slowly, not sure how to respond. "Well..." The Hyuuga continued. "...can we NOT practice any kind of kicking or any kind of jutsu that would involve you getting anywhere near my 'manlyhood'...?"

Tenten blinked.

"Your..."

"Manlyhood..."

Tenten cocked her head. Neji sweatdropped and pointed to his ass. Tenten's eyes grew wide, her face plastered with blush, and nodded abruptly.

"Oh..." She whispered, looking away.

"Yeah..."

The two didn't start training for a little bit. It took them a full ten minutes to decide which type of training they could possibly do that worked to both their strengths while still not coming into contact with each other. They finally decided that practicing with weapons would be the best way to go...

Tenten got a scythe out and Neji took out a few kunai and senbon, not bothering with any shuriken. The two spread apart (a little more than they should have) and took their stances. Normally, Neji would have taken some sort of jyuuken stance, but, instead, he just copied Tenten and aimed.

"Ready?" Tenten called, literally yelling, seeing as the two were so far apart from each other.

"Yeah!" Neji called back. With that, the two leapt from their stances and lunged at each other, spinning to throw their weapons. Tenten's scythe went flying right at Neji, slicing anything in it's way. Neji threw two kunai at Tenten, aiming for no specific place, and launched three senbon on their way towards her ankles, trying to immobilize her for a little while. As the weapons' mistress's scythe advanced on Neji, the Hyuuga stopped dead in his tracks, spun in a half-circle and back flipped over the scythe as it flew under him, just barely managing trim the end-strands of his long dark hair.

Tenten twirled once, evading one kunai, and snagged the other in mid air by the handle, twirling it around and launching it back at Neji. Jumping into the air, the three senbon soared beneath her and lodged themselves in the tree behind her. She landed on one foot on the branch of a larger oak tree.

Neji caught a glimpse of the kunai headed in his direction, but didn't see it coming in time. Trying to jump out of the way, it hit his ankle, deflecting off his shoe (seeing as it was at an angle origionally) and twirled upward. All Neji felt next was utter horror.

KLANG!

The blunt-ended handle of the metal kunai knife banged straight up into Neji's 'manlyhood'. The Hyuuga stopped in mid-air and completely toppled over, squeezing his private with tears streaming down his eyes. Tenten gasped and rushed over to him, squealing apologies.

"OH MI GAWD! NEJI-KUN, ARE YOU ALRIGHT!-?"

Neji looked blurrily up to Tenten, then let his head drop, pain taking him over from the lower region up.

Yes... that was definitely worse than Kakashi's 'pain of a thousand years'...

* * *

A/N: Short. Simple. To the point. Si. 


	36. Neji's Long Night

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto series!

* * *

"Huh...?" Neji sat up, his ass throbbing terribly, and let out a groan of pain.

"Neji-kun?"

He looked around him and noticed the same people around him as the last time he was in the hospital: Tenten, Lee, Gai, Tsunade, and Sakura.

"Are you okay, Neji-kun!-?" Tenten squealed, blushing furiously. Neji coughed and put on his normally blunt look.

"Yes, Tenten. I am fine..." He replied robotically. Tenten blinked, but shook it off.

"I'm SO incredibly sorry, Neji-kun!"

"It is fine..."

"But, I didn't mean to- wait... it's fine?"

"Yes..."

"But... I... killed you..."

Neji's eyes shot open.

"WHAT!-?"

The blonde Godaime smiled and put her hand on Neji's shoulder.

"She means that she practically killed you and your 'manlyhood'..." Tsunade whispered.

Tenten blinked.

"Am I the only one that uses ass instead of manlyhood...?" She questioned. Everyone nodded.

"It is the lotus of youth!" Lee shouted. Gai sweatdropped and put his hand over Lee's mouth before he could say anymore.

"No, Lee... it is not..." He whispered, blushing slightly. Everyone stared at him. That was VERY ooc!-!

"Er... Hokage-sama, when can Neji-kun go home again?" Tenten questioned, turning to Tsunade, who nodded.

"He may go home now. I'm sure he can walk... right, Hyuuga?" She asked forcefully, pulling Neji off the hospital bed and onto his feet. He collapsed and fell to the floor in pain.

"ITAAAAAI!-!" He wailed, tears coming from his eyes.

"Oh, come on! Be a man!" Tsunade growled. "It's not like you two had sex last night or anything!"

Neji and Tenten both stopped dead and blinked, immediate blush arising in their cheeks all the way to their foreheads and above. Yeah... they were at their boiling point.

Suddenly, the door opened and Sasuke appeared. Tsunade looked in sudden remembrance.

"Oh! Damn! I forgot!" She cried. Neji and Tenten looked over to see Sasuke standing there with his neutering equipment with a hockey mask on. The duo blinked, then suddenly realized what was going on. Neji screeched like a howler monkey and leapt behind Tenten, shielding his ass.

"THERE'S NO DAMN WAY YOU'RE RIPPING MY BALLS OUT, UCHIHA!-!" Neji screeched at the top of his lungs. Sasuke lifted the hockey mask to show a disappointed expression.

"Aw..." With that, he walked out the door in depression.

Everyone was silent for a moment.

"...I'll have to speak with Kakashi-san about that one..." Gai whispered to himself, referring to Sasuke.

"Uh... Well, Neji-kun and I will be going now..." Tenten said unsuredly. "Come on, Neji-kun... I'll give you a piggy-back home..." She smiled and bent over, holding out her arms for him to latch onto. Neji blushed out of anger and replied rather hastily.

"There is no way a Hyuuga will be escorted home on the back of some female like a helpless potato!" He yelled, not sure why he added the potato in there...

Tenten blinked, then got an angry look on her face.

"Get on, Hyuuga..." She growled. Neji perked, then gulped and nodded.

"Ossu..." He whispered and got on. Tenten hoisted him up and adjusted him accordingly.

"Oh, and, just for your information, I'm NOT a GUY!" Tenten growled rather temperately. (A/N: You'll only get that if you understood the japanese...) Neji gulped and laughed nervously.

"Eheh... wari wari..." He apologized Naruto-ish-ly. Tenten sighed and went through the double doors out of the room, then out of the hospital.

* * *

The breeze soared gently through Neji's hair as Tenten leapt gracefully across the beach, taking the long way to Neji's house. She thought it'd be nice to see the sun set by the ocean. Neji liked the way she had thunk.

"...Tenten...?" Neji asked, resting his head gently on her shoulder, his light breath beating her neck with his words. Tenten slightly turned her head to show she had heard.

"Yes, Neji-kun...?"

"Do you love me?" He whispered as a wave collided with a rock, lightly spraying them with the salty mist of the ocean. Tenten smiled, the sun shining brightly in her eyes.

"Well, that depends... do you love me...?" She asked, with a hint of shyness in her voice. Neji leaned into her body, putting slightly more weight to her.

"Of course, Tenten-chan... Why do you think I try so hard around you..." He added in a barely audible voice. Tenten blushed, but smiled nonetheless, the wind soaring through her buns, daring to let them down.

"...Aishteru... Neji-kun..." She whispered, and turned her head, giving him a light kiss on the lips. Neji was so shocked, he almost lost his hold around Tenten's neck. Tenten released the kiss and giggled as the Hyuuga struggled to maintain his balance. "Neji-kun?" She asked, turning her head to face front again.

The Hyuuga hugged Tenten's body close, panting lightly from almost falling off.

"Y-yeah?" He stuttered.

"Don't ever change..." She replied, sorrow drizzling from her words. Neji blinked and blushed.

"Don't worry, Tenten-chan... I won't," He whispered and laid his head on next to hers on her shoulder, relaxing into her grip. "That's a promise..."

* * *

"C'mon, Neji! Just take your medicine! It's not going to bite you!-!"

"NO!"

"Neji! Wait-"

"I SAID, N-"

_Gulp_

"WHAT THE FUCK! I SAID NO!"

"WELL THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM YOUR MEDICINE!"

Tenten had strapped Neji to his bed and shoved a funnel in his mouth. After that, she had, literally, poured the violet liquid medicine down his throat. After a bit of coughing and hacking, Neji had spit the funnel out and practically died from the taste.

"There... Now, you're all better!" Tenten growled, screwing the cap back on the bottle.

Neji coughed once more and glared at Tenten, who eyed him, then smirked at his state of being.

"You look absolutely hilarious..."

"It's your damn fault!" Neji growled, then realized something. "Um... Tenten...?"

She turned to him at the sudden change in his vocals.

"What?"

"I...forgot... to buy another bed..." He stuttered. Tenten dropped the bottle to the floor. Luckily, the cap was on and the bottle was plastic, so nothing spilt or broken.

"Oh... no..." She whispered. Neji nodded.

"Yeah..."

There was a pause, then, Tenten took one giant step away from Neji and the bed he was strapped to.

"what?"

"Nothing..." Tenten chirped with large eyes. She resembled an owl somewhat...

Neji sighed.

"Look... How about I try sleeping on the couch tonight?"

"What!-? N-no! You can't do that!"

"Trust me, Tenten-chan... I've had my manlyhood beaten enough for the rest of my life... I can last one night on the couch... it's no big deal..."

Tenten looked unsure and bit her lip, but eventually, after calling a meeting in her brain with the little imaginary people in there, she decided against it. She had a better idea...

"Well, how about I just stay up all night?"

Neji blinked.

"You can't do that... You'll never be able to last an entire night..."

"Yes, I can!"

"Well..." Neji debated for a second. "How about this... We both stay up and we both keep each other up in whatever ways necessary... exceptkickingmyass!" Neji added so hastily, the words slurred together. Tenten didn't quite catch the last part, but shook it off and nodded.

"I guess that'll be okay..."

And with that, it was decided. Tenten and Neji would stay up the entire night and keep each other awake with everything they could possibly think of. Neji decided he'd try to sneak a peek at the diary tonight, if possible.

* * *

**Second Night**

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom..." Neji stated about an hour later. Tenten and him had been staying awake by playing Sonic on X-box in two-player mode down in the living room. Tenten was always Amy and Neji was always Shadow. (Their two favorite characters)

Tenten nodded and put the game on pause. Neji ran upstairs to his room and snagged the diary with much haste. Stuffing it into his shirt, he made a mad dash for the bathroom.

Whence inside, he locked the door and sat on the toilet with the lid down, immediately trying to find where he left off. He had finished that prior diary entry sometime earlier and now was onto the next one.

_Dear Diary,_

_I think I'm in love again! Um... no, not Neji-kun, but, yeah. He'll still be my husband, but I found someone MUCH sexier! That would be... Uchiha Itachi-kun!_

Neji stopped and twitched. Then, he took a deep breath, slowly got up and calmly set the diary on the ground. He walked over to the door, unlocked it, opened it, walked to his front door, opened it, walked outside, turned, closed it, and turned back to face the street.

"KIYAAAAAAAAAA!" With that, Neji went into a 'scream' position (like the painting) and squealed. Then, 'Go Go Sport's Meet' started to play and Neji ran, screaming.

Dashing madly through Konoha, still in the scream position, people would have thought he was on pixie stix. But, no. He was just very angry.

After one minutes and forty-two seconds were over (that's how long the song is) Neji came to a direct halt in front of his house and panted for a bit. Then, he calmly regained his composure, opened his front door, walked inside, turned, closed his front door, turned back, walked up his stairs, walked to his room, opened the door, went inside, turned, closed the door, walked to his bed, climbed on it, opened his window, and stuck his head out it.

"NOT THE OTHER UCHIHA!-!" He screamed, his vocals breaking slightly. "I HATE UCHIHA ITACHI!"

With that, he dashed back to the bathroom like a Power Ranger and picked up the diary, hastily locking the door behind him and sliding onto the toilet seat.

Smoke flared from his nostrils like a bull as he growled at the paper. After he slightly got over it, he read on.

_But, I know I have no chance with him, so I'm not even gonna hope! Haha! I actually have a chance with Neji-kun, seeing as I think he likes me (or, I hope, I should say... you never really can tell with someone who never smiles...) But, yeah. I've already had my heart broken once by an Uchiha, so I suppose I should just let it go with Itachi... He and Kisame can go fuck together, so it's really not a problem... (Haha! They'll have little shark babies! Lol!) Well, yeah. Gonna close up for tonight! Oyasuminasai!_

_Tenten_

Neji's lips cracked into a psychotic smile. Then, he let it fade, slowly got up, calmly walked out of the bathroom, closing and locking it behind him, walked to his room and carefully set the diary back in it's drawer, closing it and walking out of the room. He locked the door, and walked carefully down to his front door, went outside, turned, closed it, turned back, and went into the 'scream' position.

With that, 'Go!-!-!' started playing as Neji ran throughout the streets of Konoha. After three minutes and fifty-six seconds had passed, (that's how long the full version is) Neji came to an abrupt halt in front of his house, opened the door, took a step inside, turned, closed the door, locked the door, turned back, and slowly started on his way back to Tenten.

Meanwhile...

Tenten was confused.

"Where is he? Is he constipated again?" She asked no one in particular.

* * *

A/N: Yumm. 


	37. Guesstures! Team Names Are Chosen!

A/N: YAY!!! 1000 REVIEWS! Thxx everyone!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto series. I also do not own the ideas for the things everyone will be acting out for the gestures game. I got those from the gestures cards from the actual game.

XXX

**Second Night continued...**

"Ow!" Neji cried, rubbing water from his eyes. "What was that for?"

"For almost falling asleep..." Tenten replied, innocently holding a dripping water-gun in her hands. Neji scowled and laid back down on his bed. Tenten sighed and looked up to the ceiling. "Why don't we play a game?" She suggested after thinking in silence for a moment. Neji cocked an eyebrow in her direction.

"You've gotta be joking... We've already played Sonic Heroes, Kingdom Hearts, Monopoly, Tiddly Winks, and Chinese Checkers. Haven't you gotten kind of bored of games...? It's sort of, like... two in the morning..." Neji yawned, checking the clock on his bedside table. Tenten smirked.

"We haven't played Guesstures yet! That'll definitely keep us awake!"

Neji cocked his head.

"What's Guesstures?" He asked, truly not knowing what it was. The weapons' mistress smiled.

"It's exactly like charades, only you have a timer and it's a lot more intense and everything and, er... well, here... Let me give you an example!"

Neji watched as Tenten went to her bag, pulled out a box labeled 'Guesstures' on it and pulled out this thing that looked like the thing the movie directors use to cut scenes. It was green. Tenten then pulled out one box full of cards. Some were blue and some were red. Neji was officially even more confused. Tenten realized, and explained.

"What you gotta do is turn this knob here till you can't anymore and put this black thing up so the top doesn't go down yet. That sets your time. Now, you choose four cards, blue or red. Red are hard and blue are easy. We'll start out with blue, though. Now, you gently place the four cards you chose into the slots in the green machine and then you press down the top!"

Neji perked up as the green machine started making a strange ticking/winding noise. Tenten giggled at his owl-like expression and put the black stopper up to stop the time and the noise.

"That signifies that the time is running... After a couple of seconds, the first card goes down and you have to start acting out the second card, even if the guesser didn't get it. If the guesser does get it, then you have to pull the card out and go onto the next one until you run out of the four cards. Got it?" Tenten asked, finishing her explanation. Neji didn't really, but nodded anyways.

"Yoshi! Ikusei!" With that, Tenten pulled four blue cards from the box and set them aside, winding the side knob till it clicked. Then, she put up the black stopper and gently placed the cards in. When finished, she turned to Neji, one hand on the top of the machine. "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be..." Neji growled groggily. Tenten smiled.

"Good. Now, guess what this is!" The weapons mistress clicked down the stopper and that weird noise started again, making Neji more alert than before. He watched as Tenten got down on her stomach and started flopping around.

"Uh... mop?" Neji asked, completely baffled. Tenten took one second from her flopping to shake her head. "Worm?" She shook it again. "Fish?" Tenten leapt to her feet, dashed to the machine, and yanked the card out right before the time ran out for that one. Then, she quickly moved onto the next one.

After hastily reading what it was, she stood in front of Neji, put her arms above her head, then fell over in a log-like fashion. Neji just stared at her. This was, indeed, a strange game.

"Uh... dam?" Tenten shook her head. "Beaver?" Wrong, again. "Uh... timber?" Tenten gave him the signal that that was a close guess and Neji got more focused. "Wood!" Wrong. "Bark!" Nope. "Tree!" That was it! Tenten rushed to the machine and yanked the card, quickly moving onto the next one. Her brown eyes skimmed it, then she dashed back in front of the Hyuuga and started pointing directly at him. That got Neji.

"Uh... Neji?" Tenten gave him the signal for 'close!' and Neji sat up straight, his senses on edge. "Um... wait, I know this! Spiral!" He shouted. Tenten smiled and dashed to the box, pulling that card. She then dashed back in front of Neji to act out her final word.

The weapons mistress spread her legs and started rocking back and forth, twirling her wrist in spirals above her head. She then started leaping, while doing the rocking motion and the twirling with her wrist, up and down and in a circle. She looked absolutely ridiculous.

"Uhh... jumping?" Neji guessed. Tenten shook her head and kept doing that insane motion. "Retard!" Tenten shot him a glance and kept doing it. "No? Uh... how about... Oh! Cowgirl!" He suddenly realized her twirling hand signified a lasso and her rocking movement signified a cantering horse, western style, and that her leaping up and down signified some sort of bucking bull motion. Tenten smiled and nodded forcefully, making a mad dash to the machine, snagging the card and shutting off the time.

The silence was filled with outlandish laughter.

"Aha! You should've seen yourself, Ten-haha-ten-hahahaa!" Neji laughed, holding his stomach, tears dripping from the corners of his eyes. Tenten put her hands on her hips, but couldn't help but to smile, knowing she must've looked pretty funny. Admitting that to herself in her mind, she burst out laughing as well.

"Yeah? I'd like to see you do all that!"

"Fine! Aha... I will!" Neji decided, getting up and pulling four random cards from the box of the unused deck. He quickly scanned them, a smile spreading wider and wider across his face with each one, and set up the machine, sliding each card into it's own little section. "Ready?" Tenten sat down and nodded. Neji was about to push the top down to start the timer, but was stopped by the sudden opening of his door with the appearance of some familiar faces. Tenten and Neji looked at the gang that had just appeared and cocked their heads. What the hell? Apparently they weren't the only ones awake at two in the morning...

"Hey, Tenten-chan! Neji-chan! Can we play...un?" Deidara asked, looking hopefully. The rest of the Akatsuki could be seen from behind the blonde artisan. Neji looked at Tenten and Tenten looked at Neji. Both shrugged and agreed.

"Sure, but we're gonna have to move it down to the living room..." Neji said and picked up the tiny machine and the deck of unused cards. The Akatsuki members chattered among themselves excitedly and dashed downstairs to wait.

"That was strange..." Tenten mentioned on her way down. Neji stopped.

"That's even more strange!" He blinked, nodding towards his bedroom window where Sakura, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sai had ALL managed to stick their heads through and grin cheesily towards the two.

"YO!" They cried happily.

"We heard you guys were playing Guesstures! Can we join?" Sai asked cheerily. Neji looked to Tenten, who shrugged.

"Well... we did sort of let the Akatsuki play..." She whispered. Neji nodded.

"Yeah, you guys can play. Wait down in the living room with the Akatsuki, kay?" He instructed. The four nodded and squeezed back out of Neji's bedroom window. A loud thump was heard, some shouting, some cussing, some 'ow!-that-was-my-foot' arguments, and then there was laughter that traveled into the living room. Neji sighed and brought the machine, the cards, and Tenten down into the living room, where the Akatsuki, Sai, Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke were all getting to know each other over shrimp cocktail.

"UWAH! YOU GUYS STOLE MR. FUZZY'S SHRIMP COCKTAIL!" Neji squealed, making everyone go silent and turn to look at him in that 'who-the-fuck-is-mr-fuzzy?' sort of look. Neji just stared at them. "What? None of you ever had a sock-puppet collection...?"

"I did..." Sasori piped up.

"You're dead, so that doesn't count!" Neji shrieked. Sasori growled.

"Says who!-?" He protested.

"Says Kishimoto Masashi!" Neji replied in an angry tone. Everyone just stared at him.

"Who?"

"Never mind..." Neji grunted. "Alright! Let's pla-"

_Ding dong!_

"Who the hell could that possibly be?" Neji growled annoyedly at the sound of the doorbell sounding around two am. Tenten sighed.

"The right question would be 'who couldn't that possibly be?'..." The weapons mistress growled, sarcasm drizzling off every syllable. Neji scoffed some words under his breath in reply and trudged to the front door.

Opening it, Neji jaw hung completely ajar, his mouth at his knees.

"Orochimaru!-?" Neji gaped.

"WHERE!-?"

The Hyuuga turned to see Sasuke dashing towards the snake-like sannin with sparkly eyes and a hug readied.

"OROCHIMARU-SAMA!" Sasuke cried.

"SASUKE-KUN!"

Hug, boulder, giant wave, splash, sparkles, sunset, ect...

Neji sweatdropped and opened the door wide for the five sound nin to walk in.

"I'm thinking you guys are here for Guesstures?"

"Yup!" Tayuya yipped happily and ran inside. Sakon/Ukon followed, talking to each other, as Kidoumaru and Jiroubu skipped in together, hand-in-hand. Kimimaro trudged in behind them, looking as tired as ever. Orochimaru and Sasuke were still deep in their hug, Kabuto crying by their side, whispering something along the lines of 'you left me, Orochimaru-sama!' in a dramatic undertone. Neji just left them be. He figured they'd let themselves in when they were finished doing...er... whatever it was they were doing.

"ALRIGHT! QUEIT DOWN, EVERYONE!" Neji and Tenten stood upon a table at the front, trying to organize everyone so they could get to playing. Tenten got out a dry-erase board and plastered it to the wall.

"Now, we're going to split up into teams so we can keep track of our scores. Someone's gotta be scorekeeper, though..."

"I'll do it..." Kimimaro grunted, wearily getting up, snagging the marker from Tenten, and plopping down right beside the dry-erase board in a chair.

"Okay! Now, the teams will be as follows: Akatsuki are all on one team. The Otogakure nin are all on one team, and the Konoha nin are all on one team, except for Neji and I, who will be supervising... Any questions?"

Tobi raised his hand immediately.

"Yes, Tobi?"

"Umm... do we get to choose a team name?" He asked innocently, yet excitedly. Tenten sighed.

"Yeah, I guess... Go ahead... take two minutes to make a team name. Then, give it to Kimimaro-kun... then, we'll start..." Tenten suggested. With that, everyone got to work on deciding a team name.

_The decision was made in Akatsuki this way..._

"The Itachi's!" Itachi suggested their team be called.

"No way! How about... The Sharkilicious Hott Guys Who Catch On Fire?" Kisame suggested.

Everyone stared at him. Itachi growled something under his breath about catching on fire.

"No...un! How about... The Clay Pigeons, yeah!-?" Deidara sang. Sasori sighed and put his hand on the blonde's shoulder.

"We're not clay and we're not pigeons... let's just leave it at that..."

"Awww..." Deidara whined in defeat.

"Alright. I've got one," Hidan piped. Everyone turned. "How about we just call ourselves The Akatsuki's?"

Everyone stared at him.

"NO WAY! That's so incredibly gay!" They all shouted, booing and throwing rotten apples at him.

"FINE!" Hidan screamed back.

"How about the Black Coated Puffy Red Cloud Guys!-?" Tobi yipped excitedly. Everyone looked at him, then they all smiled and nodded in agreement.

"Yeah...! That's so awesome! MUCH better than 'The Akatsuki's'!" Everyone yelled. Hidan went and pouted in a corner.

_That was how the Akatsuki was named 'The Black Coated Puffy Red Cloud Guys'. Now, let's check in on the Oto nin!_

"The Orochimaru's!" Orochimaru suggested, having come back from his dramatic hugging session with the smaller Uchiha.

"NO!" Everyone booed.

"Fine..."

"How about the Kabutos!" Kabuto suggested. Everyone twitched.

"That...reminds me of the pokemon..." Tayuya spoke. Kabuto stared at her nervously.

"I'm not a pokemon... Kabuto..." He replied. Then, he suddenly squatted and started crawling back and forth on the balls of his feet, his hands in the form of pincers. "Kabuto, Kabuto, KABUTO!" He cried. Everyone just stared at him as he continued to shout his name like a maniac, crawling around them at a quickening pace. Everyone just ignored him.

"How about the Sasuke's?" Orochimaru came up with another one.

"No! The Fat Men!" Jiroubu squealed.

"I'M NOT A MAN!" Tayuya retorted angrily. Everyone stared at her for a second, then backed away slowly, leaving her standing there with Kabuto 'Kabutoing' around her.

"Fine, then how about..." Jiroubu tried to think.

"The Arachnids!" Kidoumaru yelled happily. Everyone immediately shook their heads.

"NO!"

"Aww..." Kidoumaru went and sulked with Hidan in the corner. Everyone sweatdropped.

"Umm... How about... The Norepinephrines?" Tayuya suggested. Everyone turned to stared at her. Then, they all noticed that she had a biology textbook in her hands and was reading something from the glossary. Everyone sweatdropped.

"THE SWEATDROPS!" Jiroubu came up with.

Everyone looked about ready to pummel him, then they all smiled and agreed.

_That's how the Oto nin came to be known as 'The Sweatdrops'. Finally, let's check in on the Konoha nin!_

"The Beautiful Pink Kunoichis!" Sakura suggested, twirling slightly. Sai, Naruto, and Sasuke all looked at her, then looked down to check for breasts. Finding they had none, angry expressions crept into their faces and Sakura smiled nervously. "Or not..."

"How about the Dattebayos!-?" Naruto yipped happily Everyone shook their heads firmly. The blonde cocked his head. "No? How about the Naruttebayos?"

"That's even worse, urasatonkachi!"

"Rrrrgh... TEME!"

"DOBE!"

With that, Sasuke and Naruto emerged into a deep hissy fit, hair-pulling and scratching included. Sakura and Sai just stood back and watched until they were finished. When they were, they went back to deciding their names.

"How about the Worthless Jewish Monks?" Sai asked. Everyone stared at him.

"Jews have monks?" Sakura asked. Sai shrugged. Everyone fell back anime-style.

"How about the Rice Krispy Treats?" Sasuke asked.

"NO!"

"Fine..." Sasuke went and sulked with Hidan and Kidoumaru, who greeted him. The three set a fire with Kidoumaru's extra arms. They then roasted marshmallows and made s'mores.

"Well, then... How about The Corn?" Sai asked.

"Why?" Naruto and Sakura asked, curious. Sai shrugged.

"I dunno... I like corn..."

"Er...no," Sakura growled flat-out. Suddenly, two emerald orbs lit up with an idea. "Oh! I got it! How about 'Shannarou'?"

"Er... Gomen, Sakura-chan... Demo...ano..."

"NANI!-? YOU DON'T LIKE MY BRILLIANT NAME!-? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY? HUH! WELL! IS IT!-?"

"Er..."

"Sakura-san..." Sai tried calming the kunoichi down. "Er... It's not that we don't like it... It's just that, uh... We could think of somethi-"

WHAM!

Yeah... that was a hard punch...

"Itai..." Sai whined. "We love your name, Sakura-san..."

_And that is how the Konoha nin got to be called 'Shannarou'. Well, that's all the te- wait... there's another team? The other team? Who- Oh! Well, well! It seems that Hidan, Kidoumaru, and Sasuke have all formed a team in their rejected little corner! Let's see how their absolutely ridiculous and pointless name got chosen, shall we?_

"THE REJECTS!" Sasuke suggested, punching the air. Hidan and Kidoumaru blinked.

"Er... no."

"Fine... then, how about...AH! MY S'MORE IS ON FIRE!" Sasuke screeched, flailing about madly. Kidoumaru and Hidan both simply blew it out. That's when Hidan got the idea for their name.

"The Girl Scouts!"

Sasuke and Kidoumaru stared at him as the Uchiha's s'more slid slowly from his hand.

"YEAH!" The duo screamed like little girls.

_And that is how the Girl Scouts were formed... er... well, in that context, at least..._

XXX

"Er... okay. So, we have four teams, right?" Neji asked. The teams all nodded. Kimimaro was just staring at the team names he had written down on the dry-erase board with a twitch every now and then. "The Black Coated Puffy Red Cloud Guys, The Sweatdrops, Shannarou, and The Girl Scouts..." Neji read off, blinking at their odd names. Tenten suppressed giggles from behind him.

"Alright! Now, everyone know how the game works?" Tenten asked, regaining her composure gradually.

All four teams nodded.

"Good! Then, let's start! It's Neji-kun's turn, now! So, even though we're supervising, Neji will start off the game! Ready, Neji-kun?"

"Hai..." Neji said slowly and walked to the center of his seemingly large living room. He plucked four cards from the box and read them in his mind, thinking of ways to act them out. His eyes widened when he read the last card. "WHAT THE FUCK!-?" He screeched, practically falling over. Yes... this would be quite the game!

XXX

A/N: (Disclaimer) That Kabuto pokemon thing? That idea belongs to me and Sora no Hairo Yuki. We were talking one day and she mentioned that a lot of things in Naruto remind her of pokemon (like the uchiwa, ect...). So, if you've never seen pokemon, then you probably didn't get that... XD It was one of my first anime, other than Sailor Moon and Card Captor Sakura, ect...


	38. Guesstures: Twister: Scaveger Hunt

A/N: Omg... I, like... haven't updated in, like... two weeks... 0.0 OMG! GOMEN! GOMEN GOMEN GOMENASAI! uwah... I've just been so caught up in the Weiss Kreuz series... -falls over- Oro? (haha... Kenshin moment... XD)

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto series. Oh! And, for the Guesstures game, I used two things from a fanflash I've seen on newgrounds. If ANYONE wants a link, ask me in review or email me... (It's the two songs Kisame uses)

XXX

**Night Two Continues...**

Neji clicked the machine's top down and the timer began. He was worried about the last one, because he had no idea how to act it out, but he still had a little time while he tried the first three.

As the timer droned on, Neji started off with the first one. This one was easy. He started making sweeping motions with his hands.

"BROOM!" Itachi got to it first. Neji dashed to the machine and yanked the first card out as Kimimaro put a vertical dash underneath the section labeled 'The Black Coated Puffy Red Cloud Guys'.

Neji scrambled to his bathroom and put on a diaper as fast as he could, dashing back to the game. He sat down and fake-cried, sucking his thumb.

"WOOHOO! TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!" Sasuke squealed from the sidelines. Neji shot him a death glare as Itachi cried out the answer yet again.

"BABY!" The elder Uchiha shouted as Kimimaro put another vertical dash underneath their teams name.

Neji jumped to the machine, taking off the diaper in the process and yanking the second card from the machine. The third card was slightly difficult. Neji didn't want to do it, but he did.

He got down on his knees and started roaring like a lion.

"LION!" Itachi guessed. Neji shook his head and starting to 'lizard-push-ups'. Everyone stared at him. Neji struggled with thinking of something else to do. Then, he spotted the perfect prop: a hoolahoop.

He leapt to his feet and grabbed it. He propped it up and acted like he was setting it on fire. Then, he got down on all fours and rampaged through it like a madman. Everyone stared wide eyed as Neji crashed into the wall, then got to his feet, and started laughing. Everyone cocked their heads and looked at each other, exchanging glances. Neji stopped laughing and growled something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like 'morons'. Then, he went over to his fish tank and stuck his head in it. Tenten blinked, and scooched over to the machine, taking a quick glance at the third card to see what the hell Neji was acting out. Her eyes widened as she realized they'd NEVER get it that way, so she decided to help him out. She jumped into the center and started acting like a chimp as Neji ballet danced in the background, twirling like a ballerina.

The only sound that could be heard was the timer ticking away as the two made fools of themselves in the middle of Neji's living room. All the players had their jaws at their knees. No one knew what the fuck was going on.

_Click_

The door opened and in came...

"Hey, Neji! I was jus-"

Hiashi stopped dead in his tracks and dropped all the papers he was holding, his jaw newly dangling at his feet.

"Woah! Cool! Neji's a lunatic!" Hanabi marveled. Neji and Tenten both gaped at her.

"But... that's the answer..." Neji stuttered. Everyone in the audience all nodded "oooooh!".

Neji just sighed and shook his head, dashing back to the Guesstures machine as the card was nearly swiped into the unknown. The Hyuuga snagged it and went on to the next one. The last one.

Tenten stood back and explained what was going on to a baffled Hiashi and an excited Hanabi as Neji started doing something he had done only in his wildest dreams.

With this last card being acted out, Neji had officially lost **all** his dignity.

The Hyuuga got into position in the middle of his living room, then did a couple hand-signs. The next words would go down in history...

"Orioke no jutsu!" Neji shouted.

"WHAAAAT!-?" The crowd shouted in awe as a giant puff of smoke appeared. Naruto gaped.

"Hey! He stole my signature jutsu, dattebayo!" The blonde screamed as the smoke cleared. All the guys just marveled as blood gushed from their nostrils.

Neji's orioke was probably the best in all of Konoha. Even Naruto was impressed by the curvy figure before him.

"Hey..." Neji cooed in a sexy voice. His girlish figure was femininely curved in all the right places and his breasts were definitely rounder than any bra size available. His hair sexily flowed around his upper half.

"N-N-N-N-N-" Tenten stuttered, completely baffled. Hiashi covered Hanabi's eyes whispering 'don't ever speak of this moment again...'.

Neji sweatdropped as he realized he had just made everyone forget they were playing Guesstures.

"Hello!-? Someone mind guessing, eh!-?" Neji huffed femininely. All the women playing (namely Tenten, Sakura, and Tayuya) looked down to their own chests and blushed.

'Dude... my boobs are microscopic compared to his! And that just sounded SO wrong!-!' Sakura thought angrily. Sai looked over to Sakura.

"Sakura-chan... something wrong?" He asked. Sakura growled as the shinobi cocked his head. "I don't think your boobs are micro-"

_PUNCH!_

"Itai..." Sai mumbled in his newly indented space in the wall.

"SHANNARO!" Sakura screamed. Neji sweatdropped.

"Please, Sakura... stop shouting the name of your team and get back to GUESSING!" Neji shouted. Sakura smiled.

"That's easy! A sexy beast!"

Everyone sweatdropped.

"A slut!" Itachi shouted. Neji shook his head and blushed wildly. He'd have to give them another clue...

Everyone was amazed as Neji took Tenten by the waist, blushing to the extreme, and kissed her.

"Ooo! Ahh!" Everyone exclaimed on cue.

"LESBIAN!" Kidoumaru shouted. Neji growled and let Tenten out of the kiss. He was going to give them another clue...

Only... none of them had noticed that the last card was already gone AND the timer had stopped running...

Neji waltzed slutily up to Itachi and wrapped his arms around him seductively. Itachi blinked, completely stunned.

"Hey, honey... want some sugar...?" Neji whispered. Itachi drooled and nodded. Neji got the 'flat-face' expression and slapped him. "Pervert..." He growled.

"SEX!" Sasuke shouted. Neji smiled and pointed to Sasuke.

"YES!" He shouted exasperatedly and transformed out of the orioke. Everyone, except the girls, all sighed dramatically as Kimimaro added a dash to 'The Girl Scouts'...

Neji huffed and went to sit down next to Tenten. Tenten sweatdropped and slapped Neji right before he sat down.

"MY TURN!" Itachi shouted as he leapt up and dashed to the Guesstures game. He yanked out four cards and read them silently. With a smirk, he called up Kisame and whispered something in his ear. The blue man nodded and Itachi took a seat. Everyone blinked, unsure of what was going on.

"Er... I'm taking Itachi's turn..." Kisame explained, reading over the cards. Everyone nodded, understanding now. The blue man put the cards in the machine and started the time. He immediately took a CD from his pocket and put it into a CD player. As he turned up the volume, everyone recognized it to be the 'Jaw's Theme Song'. Kisame smirked, put a fin on his back and started to crawl around the room, gliding in between chairs and couches, and roaring at random players as he went about.

"SHARK!" Sakura guessed. Kisame shook his head.

"JAWS!" Sasuke realized. Kisame smiled and stopped acting like a deranged idiot as Kimimaro put another slash under the Girl Scouts. Kisame then moved onto the next one. Easily enough, he put changed the number on the CD. As the intro started, Kisame's back faced the audience. Then, the music started.

'Yo, listen up! Here's a story, about a little guy that lived in the blue world.. and all day and all night and everything he sees is just blue! Like him! Inside and outside...' Kisame started dancing. Then, the chorus struck. "I'M BLUE, DABA DI DABA DI! DABA DI DABA DI, DABA DI DABA DI!" And Kisame rocked out to it, with the head bob and all.

Everyone stared at him as he played the air guitar.

"BLUE!" Orochimaru called out. Kisame stopped rocking out to the blue song and Kimimaro put a dash underneath the title of 'The Sweatdrops'. Kisame then went on to the next card. So far, everything had been going smoothly. He then grabbed Zetsu and pulled the plant up to the front.

"Zetsu will act this one out!" Kisame informed the players. He whispered what the card was into Zetsu's ear. The plant/black and white cookie nodded and stood at the front. Everyone watched, awaiting the action. Then, Zetsu started to breath.

_cricket...cricket..._

"Uh... what's he doing...?" Hidan asked.

"I can't tell you!" Kisame shouted ignorantly.

"We give up!" Everyone shouted angrily. Kisame sweatdropped.

"It was photosynthesis..."

"..." Zetsu blinked, then went back to his seat. Kisame then moved to his last card.

"May I use words for this card, Neji?" He asked. Neji shrugged.

"I guess so..."

Kisame smiled.

"Alright! He I go..."

Kisame stood in front of the room and coughed once. Then, he looked up to everyone very seriously and began to act.

"BELIEVE IT! BELIEVE IT! BELIEVE IT! BELIEVE IT! BELIEVE IT!" Kisame shouted, getting that 'look-at-me-I-am-a-doofus' look.

"NARUTO!" Everyone, except Naruto, shouted. Kisame nodded and yanked the card out.

"EH!-? I'm in a card game, dattebayo!-?" Naruto shouted. Kisame showed him the card. Naruto blinked. "Oh... my God..." He whispered.

"Okay! Now, I'm bored!" Tenten decided. Everyone looked up to her. "You know what would be even MORE fun than Guesstures!-?"

"What?" Everyone chimed.

"TWISTER!" She exclaimed. Apparently, no one knew what Twister was, so it was pretty silent. Tenten sweatdropped and explained it to them.

"Ugh... You guys are idiots... Twister is the game where there's four colors and four rows, and four columns, and four body parts. You see... er... well... here. Let me demonstrate!" She smiled and rushed up to get the twister game board. After coming back down, she opened the box, threw the spinner to Kimimaro, who, once again, was not playing, and took out the blanket-like game mat, laying it swiftly on the floor. Everyone marveled at the giant circles of blue, red, green, and yellow. Tenten then showed them the spinner.

"Now... Kimimaro-kun... please hold up the spinner so everyone can see," Tenten instructed as Kimimaro obeyed. "Now... right here, there is a picture of a foot. If I were to land on that and a the color blue, the spinner person, which would be Kimimaro, would call out "left foot blue" and everyone would have to put their left foot on one of the circled that are colored blue!"

"Question!" Neji interrupted.

"Yes, Neji-kun?"

"Etto... there's really no way all of us are going to fit on this one game board..."

"Ugh... let me finish, then, and maybe you'd understand!" Tenten growled and continued. "And after that, the last person standing wins! If you fall over or let any part of your body that's not supposed to be touching touch, then you're out! And...uh... the winner will get...um... this Neji plushie!"

"I WANT A NEJI PLUSHIE!" Everyone cried out in excitement. Neji sweatdropped and looked at the happy little plushie in Tenten's hand.

"Tenten... where did you get that...?" Neji asked.

"Duh! At the latest Naruto cosplay convention!" Tenten sounded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Neji sweatdropped, not knowing what the hell that was.

"Alright! Everyone ready!-?" Tenten asked enthusiastically. "On your marks... get set... SPIN!"

Kimimaro spun the dial. (A/N: Go ahead, dear readers! Place your bets on who's gonna win!)

"Uh... right foot blue..."

Neji put his right foot on the nearest blue circle, balancing on one foot. Deidara, Sasori, and Tobi shared a blue circle, as did Orochimaru and Sasuke, who kept their balance by hugging each other. Sai, Sakura, and Naruto all shared on circle on the edge, and Zetsu was on one in the middle. Hidan and Kidoumaru took one on the edge and then Tayuya and Tenten took up one. Sakon/Ukon shared one with Jiroubu and Kabuto. Gaara, somehow, had been hiding in the back during Guesstures and decided he wanted to play, so he took the last available blue circle next to Tayuya and Tenten. Itachi took one circle on the outside.

Jiroubu immediately fell to the floor, knocking Sakon/Ukon and Kabuto to the floor as well. Kimimaro giggled.

"You three are out!" He instructed as Jiroubu, Sakon/Ukon, and Kabuto all sat on the couch to watch the rest of the game. Kimimaro spun the dial once more, starting the second round. "Left hand green!" He instructed. Neji easily put his left hand onto the closest green circle and smirked as he watched everyone else try to do the same. Deidara leaned over into a backbend and landed on his left hand, just barely making it into the green circle. Sasori went forward and did a bridge to where his left hand was on a green circle opposite Deidara's. Tobi, somehow, got underneath Sasori and placed his hand upon the same circle as Deidara. Orochimaru leaned sideways as Sasuke backbended like Deidara and put his hand on the same green circle as Sasori's. Naruto went for the furthest green circle and ended up placing his hand on the white part of the board instead of a green circle.

"UWAH! DATTEBAYO!" He cried as he got out of the chaos and sat with the other three who were out. Sai fell frontward, landing his left hand on a green circle, as Sakura maneuvered her way underneath Sai, arching her back so not to knock him over. Zetsu just stood there. If he tried this... he would knock everyone over with his plant-like head. So, he decided it'd be best to just sit this game out. Hidan tried to copy Deidara into a backbend, but failed and fell over cursing. He then went and sat out with everyone else that had gotten out. Kidoumaru, who had no extra hands/arms anymore because they were used to ignite the fire in chapter thirty-seven, put his left hand on a random green circle close by. Tayuya smirked at all the amateurs and put her left hand onto a green circle, stretching her body to where she was underneath Kidoumaru. Itachi fell over. Not because he lost his balance, but because he felt like it. Tenten bent over in a gymnastic-type fashion and put her hand on the last untaken green circle. Gaara smirked and maneuvered his way underneath Tenten smiling at her the entire time.

"Heya, Tenten-chan... what's up?" He asked, smirking. Tenten gave him that 'so-not-going-to-happen' look as Neji almost let his jealousy get to him. Kimimaro spun the spinner again.

"Left foot red..." The Kaguya read off. Everyone on the board groaned and tried their hardest to stay in the game.

Neji decided he would slowly make his way towards Tenten and knock Gaara off the board with his mad ninja skillz! So, he flipped his body over to where his stomach was up and his back was down and stretched his left leg as far as it could possibly go and put it on a red circle: two circles away from Tenten and Gaara. Deidara smiled as he easily placed his left foot on the nearest red circle. Sasori smiled to his partner as he also found this to be amazingly easy. Tobi, however, struggled slightly, and fell over. Luckily, he had been underneath Sasori, so that didn't affect the red-headed nin in any way. Tobi cried for a second, then pouted his way over to the losers. Orochimaru twisted his body, using his snake-like form to his advantage, and put his left foot on the nearest red circle.

"Oh, Orochimaru-dono! You're so talented!" Sasuke squealed fangirlishly as he leaned back and put his left foot on the same red circle as his pedophilic master. Sai tried to lean over Sakura, but ended up knocking them both over. The two marched outside, Sakura yelling cuss words in every direction to her annoying teammate. Kidoumaru put his left foot onto the same one as Sasori, as Tayuya easily maneuvered herself into a pretzel positioning, taking her body away from Tenten and Gaara. Tenten tried to get away from the Suna nin and placed her foot on the furthest red circle she could find. Unfortunately, Gaara did the same and used the sand from his gourd to keep himself up.

"That's cheating!" Tenten exclaimed.

"So?" Gaara asked. Tenten huffed and tried her hardest to keep her balance.

Kimimaro spun the dial once more.

"Right hand red," He instructed, realizing that having two body parts on one circle was going to cause chaos.

Neji growled as he stretched out and put his right hand on the red circle that held his left foot. He looked strikingly similar to Spider Man... Deidara blinked, trying to figure out how this was going to work.

"Uh..." He blinked once more, and tried to put his hand onto the red circle that his foot was on. "Iya!" He squealed as he almost fell over. Sasori, luckily enough, happened to be able to catch the blonde before he was out. Deidara smiled nervously in apology as Sasori sighed, rolling his eyes, and helped the blonde work his way onto the red circle. Orochimaru twisted his body into the form of a spiral and put his right hand onto the same red circle as Sasuke. Unfortunately for the Uchiha, Sasuke fell over and landed on his back. Tears formed at the edges of his eyes as he ran away sobbing.

"SASUKE-KUN!" Orochimaru screeched and ran after the teen, clearly disqualifying himself. Everyone sweatdropped as the game continued. Kidoumaru tried to stay up, but ended up falling over in the process of putting his right hand onto a red circle. He sniffed once, then sat with the losers. Tayuya, once again, easily placed her right hand gently onto a red circle as Tenten tried to get away from Gaara once more by putting her right hand onto the furthest red circle she could reach. Luckily for her, Gaara couldn't reach that far and ended up almost falling over. Tenten started blowing on Gaara with all her might. Everyone stopped and stared as the weapons mistress continued to blow on Gaara, who was giving her the look of 'wtf?'. She then realized everyone was staring at her and smiled sheepishly.

"Uh... I was trying to get him to fall over..."

Neji smiled as he realized Tenten was on his side. He decided to help her. He, somehow, got a kunai into his mouth and spit it at Gaara, who caught it with his sand. The red-headed nin shot 'the power of love' from his forehead as the red kanji soared towards Neji.

"NOO!" Neji screamed as the kanji symbol for 'ai' landed on his cheek with a thud.

"Waha! You have now been marked with the power of love!" Gaara screeched.

Kimimaro ignored this and continued on.

"Left foot yellow..."

Neji stopped.

'oh no... I can't reach yellow... it's on the other side of the board...!' He thought worriedly. 'Omg, omg... what do I do! I can't get out yet! If I do, then Gaara will... oh, GOD!' He shook the perverted thoughts from his mind and got determined. 'Alright! Here it goes!'

In slow motion, the music that is used when man first walked on the moon started to play as Neji, still in slow motion, took his left foot and stretched it as far as he could.

'I'm gonna make it! I'm gonna make it!' He thought excitedly. With one swift movement, he brought his foot down. "Noooooo...oooo!" He yelled in slow motion as his foot just missed the yellow circle by a nano-centimeter.

"You're out Neji..." Kimimaro declared, the slow motion and music gone. Neji stopped.

"NOOOO!" He screeched and back-flipped up into the air, landing onto the back of the couch. "I SHALL NEVER BE DEFEATED! EVER!" He exclaimed, then got a wicked grin. "NEW RULE! Everyone still in the game, listen up! I'm changing the rules around! We're ninja! So, we should make this a ninja-worthy game!"

Everyone got that 'wtf?' look.

"Waha! Which means that ALL WEAPONS ARE NOW LEGAL! WAHAHA!" Neji hollered at the top of his lungs. Everyone's eyes got big. The losers all cheered happily. This would be some kind of entertainment! Kimimaro sighed.

"Mendokusee..." He growled, unintentionally mimicking Shikamaru.

After everyone had placed all their limbs where they were supposed to be, chaos unfolded. All the remaining players (Tenten, Gaara, Tayuya, Deidara, and Sasori) acted upon the new rule. The first thing they found out was that it was quite difficult to retrieve any kind of weapon from it's holster without the use of hands or feet. Not to mention, it was impossible to perform jutsus without hand symbols. So, the five players looked like bugs, trying to reach their heads and tongues into their holsters to retrieve a shuriken or kunai. (Deidara had tried to get a senbon, but found out that that was quite painful...) Kimimaro continued, this time, to the extreme.

"Alright... Right ear blue."

The five stopped trying to get weapons and stared at him.

"EH!-?"

"I added some body parts..." Kimimaro informed them. Everyone looked at each other, then scrambled to try to get their ears to touch a blue circle. Tayuya found this easy, having taken gymnastic lessons for years on end in her spare time. Deidara had quite some difficulty... luckily, though, Sasori helped his friend once more and the two of them found their separate blue circles. Tenten had no difficulty at all. She simply leaned her head sideways onto the nearest blue circle. Gaara smirked. His chance was now. He leaned his body and, right before turning his head to put his right ear down onto the opposite blue circle from Tenten, he pecked the weapons mistress right on the lips, then quickly threw his head down onto the circle, making a large crashing noise emit from the collision. Tenten was shouting cuss words in every direction, while scrambling to keep her body parts where they were supposed to be WHILE trying to get weapons without moving. After a bit of trying that, she found it was impossible. Literally. Kimimaro went on.

"Left tongue yellow."

"Left tongue?" Everyone asked.

"I mean... the left side of your tongue..."

"But... that's impossible...un!" Deidara complained. "If our right ear is placed on a blue circle, we're facing the opposite direction at a yellow circle, meaning that's clearly impossible...un!"

"Oh come on! Orochimaru can do it!" Kimimaro growled. Orochimaru smiled, still comforting Sasuke.

Deidara huffed and tried to do so, but fell on top of Sasori, who fell over also. The blonde blinked and smiled down the red-head below him, who glared up at the Iwa nin sitting on his belly.

"Gomen... Sasori no Danna..." Deidara giggled nervously as he leapt off his partner. Sasori sighed long and hard and got off the board, grumbling something about idiocy under his breath. That left Tayuya, Tenten, and Gaara.

Tayuya, for the first time, found this extremely difficult... So, she tried it. First, she chanted some words under her breath (that was apparently some sort of kinjutsu), and, somehow, her tongue was able to be stretched just like Orochimaru's. So, she just scoffed at the other two players and smiled. Tenten and Gaara glared. They knew they were gonna lose anyways, so Tenten gave up, and, when Tenten gave up, Gaara gave up, leaving Tayuya as the winner.

"YATTA!" She screeched as her tongue went back to normal. "I GET THE NEJI PLUSHIE!" She ran to the plushie and snagged it from Tenten. "MINE!" With that, she rushed out the door. Everyone stared after her for a second, trying to comprehend what had happened, then realized that Tayuya had taken the Neji plushie.

"Uh... what now?" Neji asked. Tenten looked at her watch.

"Well... it's only four in the morning... How about... another game?"

"How about ya go ta sleep, ya mofos!-?" Tsunade growled, newly appearenced in the door of Neji's house. Everyone sweatdropped. She had definitely been kept awake by their fun. Suddenly, her eyes shot open.

"Why are... the Akatsuki... and the Oto nin... playing twister... in Neji's house...?" Tsunade blinked.

"Uhhhhh..." Everyone chimed, unsure of what to say. Tsunade merely rubbed her eyes, stared at them some more, then walked out. Everyone was silent.

"Oo! A scavenger hunt!" Tenten realized.

"Ninja style!" Neji added.

"Woot..." Kimimaro wooted. Tenten and Neji ignored him.

"Okay... who's in?"

"WE ARE!" Everyone shouted. Kimimaro got up.

"Er... okay. I'll make a list of things, hide them around Konoha, and you'll all search for them. Now, teams have to be decided... but, uh... this time, it'll only be two to a team. Jutsu's are allowed, as are weapons and taijutsu, but no killing anyone or landing them in the hospital, kay?" Kimimaro instructed professionally. Everyone agreed. "Okay... find your partner and get ready..."

Everyone nodded and went to finding a partner for the last activity of the night as Kimimaro went to make up a list of things to hide.

XXX

A/N: anyone else notice that I didn't include Kakuzu in the Akatsuki? XD I dunno why I didn't... I suppose I just didn't feel like it. Um... Sorry for the uber long wait and the weird/dull chapter... I'll, definitely, update soon. Oh! And, yeah. There was a bit of implied DeiSaso (because I'm a hard-core yaoi fangirl!) AND there was some GaaTen for FalconFire! XD Oh.. and...

Could all of my contest contestants email me telling me your penname, your fics name, and if it's posted or not, please? (And, also, could my staff members email me or state you are a staff member in a review?) Thankies!

Review please! (The more reviews I get, the faster and the better the update! ;D)

P.S. Do any of you even KNOW how hard it was to write the twister scenario!-? 0.0 omg... that was impossible! XD Oh! You know what's even harder than writing it? Drawing it... I don't think that even a professional could draw that scene! XD Oh! Who got the winner right, ne? Anyone? (I did... LOL! XD)


	39. Scavenger Hunt: Trouble For Neji

A/N: My excuses for lateness are at the bottom... XD

**_SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! PLEASE READ! _**CONTEST 1: MONTH: SEPTEMBER: CATEGORY: ROMANCE/ANYTHING: RATING: ANY JUDGING: OCTOBER

AND! Here are le winners!

**1ST PLACE:  
****Fic: **_The Dream  
_**Author: **_Lady Awesome_

This fic just blew us away. Seriously. It completely captured the point of this contest and was well-written and completely amazing. It was easy to choose first place. The rest were hard... but, I have to say that we almost had to make our 2nd place winner a tie to first place! XD

_2nd Place: Yuunagi by CrazyGirlofManyNames  
__3rd Place: Let Me Die by Torn00  
__Honorary Mention: Welcome To ITDYTWA's Collection of Drabbles by If-This-Disturbs-You-Then-Walk-Away_

It was EXTREMELY difficult to choose Honorary Mention!-! We almost had to have a three-way tie! XD The tie was between If-This-Disturbs-You-Then-Walk-Away's drabbles who, in the end, we made it the real one, Sora no Hairo Yuki's Cheongsam, and XKiraraX's Truth or Dare The Game of Five.  
ALL were very good and were amazingly helpful! Thanks a BUNCH to all who participated (You're all winners in my eyes!) and...

**SPECIAL THANKS TO DUZIEKAT!  
**Kat helped me bunches in judging!-! I would have NEVER been able to decide without her AWESOME help!-! I THANK YOU, KAT-SAN! I LUFF YOU!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto series.

**

* * *

Night 2 _STILL_ continues!**

Kimimaro had the list in his hand. He had just arrived back to Neji's house with a list of the items needed to be found photo-copied for each team. By now, everyone had split into pairs. Here's how they paired off:

Neji and Tenten went together automatically.

Deidara clung to Sasori before the red-haired Suna nin even had time to blink.

Sakura, shyly, went to Sai and, somehow, they became partners.

Sasuke and Orochimaru were, obviously, partners.

Kidoumaru and Jiroubu paired together.

Now... that only leaves evil people!...and Naruto.

So, Naruto went with Gaara's soul.

Zetsu was ABOUT to pair with Itachi, but the weasel pushed the plant aside and latched onto Kabuto, who blinked and just went along with it, hoping not to get killed.

So, Zetsu sulked over to the last available person: Tobi, who whined and cried about getting eaten by a Venus fly trap.

Then, they all noticed Kisame. So, Itachi raised his hand.

"Yeah?" Tenten asked.

"Can we be a threesome...?" Itachi asked, pulling Kabuto and Kisame beside him bluntly. Kabuto freaked out and started hyperventilating while Kisame breathed.

"Uh... fine," Tenten agreed, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like 'even if that does sound wrong in so many ways...' under her breath. "Okay, now that that's settled... Kimimaro-kun? Could you kindly pass out the items list?"

"Gladly..." He growled and gave one to every team. Neji looked the list over. It looked a little something like this:

.:ITEMS:.

1. Picture Frame

2. CD Player

3. TV

4. Pillow

5. Advanced Taijutsu Manual

6. Katana

7. Inuyasha Manga

8. Giant Akamaru Plushie

9. Cat

"Cat?" Neji looked up to Kimimaro. "You found a cat in my room...?"

"Yeah... I got all the items from your room... I did it randomly, so I found a live cat under your bed... he might be hard to find, so I put a description..."

9. Cat (reddish-brown with a white snout and tail. collar with 'spot' on it)

"Oh..." Neji went onto the next one. Everything had been going fine until that moment.

Both eyes met the words. The two words he NEVER wanted to see on a scavenger hunt paper. He stared at them. Number 10.

"Oh...my...-" The Hyuuga grabbed Kimimaro by the collar. "What the hell! Do you not realize how CRITICAL you have made this? You can't just grab 'that' out of my room and hide it! How COULD you!-?"

The Kaguya shrugged.

"I guess 'it' seemed like a good item..." He commented. "Okay, everyone ready?" He asked to everyone, taking control.

Everyone nodded.

"Alright. You all must be back here by six am. That gives you a little under two hours. Everyone synchronize your watches. It is, right now, exactly 4:05am. On your mark...get set... GO!"

And with that, they were off. Neji and Tenten went a different way than everyone else and decided to go behind Neji's house and to the backs of the village verses how everyone else had gone forwards and into the village. Neji held the list close to him. He would never let Tenten see the list. He couldn't! If he did... life was over...

"Neji-kun! What's up first? Lemme see the list!"

"NO!" Neji screamed, jumping at the sound of her voice. Number ten had to be kept a secret at all costs. Tenten cocked her head.

"What? Why not?"

Neji clung to the list like a squirrel.

"Uh... well..."

"Never mind... what's the first thing?" Tenten asked, walking ahead. Neji sighed a sigh of relief and looked at number one.

"A picture frame..."

"Oh! I remember seeing that in your room! What picture was in it?"

Neji looked up and tried to remember.

"Hmm... I think it was-" Neji's eyes snapped open. "Eheh... you and me on Sheikra..." He laughed nervously, blushing. Tenten laughed.

"You know... I've had this thought for a while now... If you and me were to have kids, I just keep thinking of the photo album we could show them..."

_Tenten Vision:_

_"...and this is me and daddy on the Hulk, and this is me and daddy on the Sheikra..."_

_"Mommy? Why does daddy look like he's about to die?"_

_"And why is daddy holding onto you like that?"_

_"And why does daddy have his hand on your boob?"_

_"..."_

_"Ooo! Mommy, look! Is your hand up daddy's shirt!-?"_

_"ooo! Mommy's a pervert!... but, then again, it's normal for mommys and daddys to get personal..."_

_"Hey, mommy? Don't you think this would be an excellent time to give us 'the talk'...?"_

"_..."_

_Normal Vision:_

"Uh..."

"Tenten-chan? Are you okay...? You're pretty red..." Neji noted.

"Ahaha! N-nothing, Neji-kun! Ahahaha!"

Neji sweatdropped and just tried to imagine what Tenten could have possibly been thinking.

"So..." Tenten started. "Picture frame..." She whispered, then turned to Neji. "Where do you think Kimimaro would hide a picture frame?"

"Hmm... well..."

"Oh! Use your byakugan, Neji-kun!" Tenten pleaded.

"Eh? What good will that do...?" Neji inquired suspiciously. Tenten shrugged.

"Well... I guess picture frames don't have chakra flow... so... I suppose it wouldn't do any good at all... I just like watching you use it!" She smiled prettily. Neji sighed.

"You know... we need some sort of flashlight or something... I can barely see my nose..." The Hyuuga pointed out. Tenten smiled.

"Well, the sun will be coming up soon, so we could start looking for the obvious things first and search for the smaller or lesser things when the sun comes up!"

"But... we only have two hours..."

"The sun comes up around five, so we will have about one hour of daylight to search! We should be fine!"

Neji thought about this for a moment. 'I need to find number ten immediately... or before anyone else does... if they do, it's going to be a disaster! I can't let ANYONE find it! Not even Tenten! Oh, gosh...this is quite difficult... Well... I suppose I could look for it while I look for the other things and just pray- wait... I'm not catholic... er... oh, kami-sama... I'm having an argument with myself! Ugh... I suppose I'll just stop thinking now...' Neji nodded and agreed with himself, making a secret pact with his inner chibi.

"Alright... then, I guess we should look for..." Neji checked over the list once more and sweatdropped. "...my TV..."

"Alright... that shouldn't be too hard to find... I mean, honestly! How hard could it be to find a wide-screened plasma TV?"

* * *

4:59am 

"OH MY GAWD! WE'RE DOOMED! WE'VE BEEN AROUND KONOHA OVER 80 TIMES! IT SHOULDN'T BE THAT HARD TO FIND A TV!" Tenten wailed, huffing and sulking down to her knees. Neji sighed and sat down casually beside her.

"Well... someone might have already found it..."

"AH! We need to find everything else, then! OH, LOOK! A LIVE CAT!" With that, the weapons mistress leapt to her feet and dashed after the cat, who screeched and bolted off at the speed of light. Neji blinked, then regained himself.

An evil smiled spread slowly to his lips.

"Perfect..." He whispered. "Muahaha!" He cackled. "Muaha-"

"Dude... seriously..." Sasuke glared at the Hyuuga, who sweatdropped as the younger Uchiha sighed and walked away, licking his ice cream cone that Orochimaru had bought him. Neji blinked.

"Note to self: never laugh like an evil genius in public..." Neji turned slowly in the opposite direction that Tenten had just run and dashed off with only one thought in his mind: "Gotta find number ten!"

* * *

"Kitty? Kitty!" Tenten hollered, a scythe in her hand and anger marks popping up everywhere. "DAMN THAT CAT! DAMN IT TO HELL!" Suddenly, she heard a meow, then a purr, then a 'omg! a cat!', then a rustle, then everything stopped. Tenten blinked. "H-hello?"

* * *

Neji came to a full halt. He had run into a local forest in Konoha (which just so happened to grow that night and be there for him to run into...) and had been looking around for whatever object number ten was. But, something made him stop. He looked around. 

"Where is that coming from...?" He wondered aloud to himself. He closed his eyes, then took one step forward towards the sound, then opened his eyes. "Here, maybe?" He asked himself, pushing aside some leaves

He stopped.

Yeah... that was it.

There, behind the parted leaves, was his CD player. Only... there was something quite disturbing about this scene...

The CD player was put on loud and hooked up to speakers. Blaring off them was, yes... 'It's Raining Men'. But, that wasn't even disturbing compared to what was happening around it.

Continuously encircling the CD player were three men in tribal outfits (basically consisting of a straw skirt). Chanting filled the circle as the three men bobbed up and down while circling it. Neji blinked. Then... he noticed he knew these three men. Yes... Uchiha Itachi, Hoshigaki Kisame, and Yakushi Kabuto. The most disturbing thing of all...was the fact that Kabuto was wearing a coconut bra.

Neji twitched.

This definitely was not what most considered 'normal'...

"...do they think it's make men rain from the sky...?" Neji questioned no one in particular. Then, the three noticed him and...everything stood still. "Well... this is awkward..." Neji whispered, glancing from side to side. Then, for some odd reason, Neji watched as Itachi and Kisame got behind Kabuto and a light shone on him from above. A piano started to play...then...

"At first I was afraid, I was petrified Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side Then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong And I grew strong And I learned how to get along!"

Then Kisame and Itachi broke into dance in the background as Kabuto continued singing, quite well, in fact, in a voice like no other. Neji blinked. 'maybe they won't notice if I take the CD player...' He thought, stuck between the twirling Itachi and Kisame, snagged the CD player, and dashed away.

Five minutes later...

Kisame stopped, blinking. He had just noticed... there was no CD player and the song was still going. I Will Survive was definitely not five minutes long... yet... they were still singing? He listened to the lyrics really quickly, then figured out why.

"BLAH! SURVIVE WITH THE PLANTS! BLAH!" Kabuto sang out as Itachi did a ballerina twirl in the background. Kisame blinked twice, realizing there was still music playing. So, he followed the tune and went to a side bush. Parting the leaves, he blinked. There sat an entire orchestra/band consisting of all the jounin in the village (note: before the time skip arc) and a couple ANBU members.

Asuma was playing the banjo, Anko was playing the drums, Kurenai was playing the triangle, Kakashi was playing the trumpet, Gai was playing the guitar, Shibi was playing the bugs (don't ask), Chouza was playing the drumstick (chicken), Hiashi was playing the clarinet, Shikaku was playing the violin, Inoichi was playing the flute, Ebisu was playing the stick that had been shoved up his ass through the entire series, Tsume was playing the manly piano, Genma was playing the senbon (?), and Ibiki was playing '20 questions' with the little computer thing that beeps.

Some of these were very questionable instruments to Kisame. But, all the jounin just glared at him, so he left them alone and went back to twirling with Itachi while Kabuto continuously sang pointless words that made no sense.

* * *

Neji stuffed the CD player into his knapsack for the scavenger hunt and crossed number two on the list off. 

"Now... gotta look for number ten..." He whispered and leapt into the treetops.

* * *

Tenten blinked. She had seen the cat run away from whatever had made that noise, but she still was unaware of what the noise was. 

She moved closer to it, then noticed something in the bush beside her. Blinking, she picked it up.

"An Inuyasha manga?" She blinked, then opened the front cover. Not only did she find Neji's name scrawled in sloppy kanji on the right side of the inside cover, but she also found some disturbing things inside too. Like...

"Why is... there a heart... around Sesshoumaru...on every page...?" Flipping through, she found some other things she made a mental note to ask Neji about. Forgetting completely about the pointless noise, she jumped off to find Neji.

* * *

Neji staggered on, a giant Akamaru plushie in hand. He had just finished a battle with Naruto and Gaara's soul for it. Fortunately, Naruto had gotten a splinter and was unable to fight. Then, he found he couldn't even touch Gaara's soul, so they forfeited and gave it to him instead, many sweatdrops passed around in the process. 

"Neji-kun!"

The Hyuuga twirled around and, accidentally, of course, smacked Tenten in the face with the tail of the giant Akamaru plushie.

"Uh..."

Tenten just glared at him.

"Gomen..." He whispered, blushing slightly, wincing slightly also, ready to be punched or something related to that. But, it never came. Instead... something worse happened.

"Neji?"

"Yes?"

"Did you draw these hearts around Sesshoumaru...? And... what about drawing my buns on top of Kagome and drawing your hairstyle on Inuyasha in the kissing scene in this panel...? And what's this about labeling Jaken as a sex-fiend in this panel?" Tenten asked, flipping through the Inuyasha manga. Neji's eyes widened to the size of platters as he snagged the manga from her.

"Hinatadidthat!" He said, a little too quickly. Tenten just stood there, mentally disturbed and twitching unintentionally.

"Okay...well... what do we need off the list? I think I saw Orochimaru and Sasuke smuggling your TV to Otogakure, by the way..."

Neji made the 'flat-face' expression and huffed.

"Pedophile..." He whispered.

"I remember Orochimaru saying something about teaching Sasuke how to hump correctly with it..."

Neji almost died.

"Tenten?"

"Yes, Neji-kun?"

"Can we please not talk about something like that...?"

"Yes, Neji-kun..."

"Good..."

"So... what else do we need off the list? I see you got something..." Tenten noted. Neji smiled.

"Actually, I got two things! I snagged my CD player from Itachi, Kisame, and Kabuto while they did they're tribal da-don't ask," He immediately mentioned as he saw Tenten's brow furrow at the word 'tribal'. "And I got this giant Akamaru Plushie..."

"Okay... I got this Inuyasha manga... Is that on the list?"

"Yeah... lets see... I've crossed off number two, number seven, and number eight. We only have a half an hour left, so we either gotta try for one more thing, or we could just go home..." 'Please say go home, please say go home!' Neji pleaded in his mind. He wanted nothing more but to find number ten and he wanted to find it fast...or, at least before anyone else did. So far, the situation wasn't looking in his favor...

"Let's try to find one more thing!" Tenten punched the air like a determined fangirl and grabbed Neji's right hand playfully with both her hands, a giggle with her smile. "Onegai?" She spoke perkily. Neji sighed, trying to rush the blush off his face from her cuteness.

"F-fine..." He stuttered, avoiding eye contact so not to get a nosebleed. Tenten smiled.

"Yoshi! Ikusei!" She laughed and pranced off to the right. Neji sighed again and followed wearily, tugging his knapsack and the giant Akamaru plushie behind him.

* * *

"Hn? What's this un?" Deidara wondered aloud, picking up a small book with fancy lettering on the cover. 

"Nani ka" Sasori looked back, then looked over the list for the scavenger hunt in his hand.

"Well... you just found number ten, Dei-kun..."

"REALLY UN? Whee!" The blonde did a half twirl and handed it lightly to the red-haired Suna nin. "What is it, Sasori no Danna?"

Sasori scanned the cover.

"Yup... this is it all right... number ten: Tenten's diary..."

* * *

A/N: DISCLAIMER: Some of these ideas came from my beloved sister Aikyo (Sora no Hair Yuki) I had writers block (gasp) and she helped me out... thanks, nee-sama... XD 


	40. The Vibrating Squirrel of Doom

A/N: Warning: SLIGHT _intense_ parody 'yaoi' content included!

Disclaimer: I dun own the Naruto series... (I seriously dun know what to type! XD)

* * *

Neji walked after Tenten, who was happily looking from left to right, searching for one more item before their adventure back home. The Hyuuga sighed and stopped for a second. 

"Neji-kun...?" Tenten looked behind her. Neji snapped back to reality and nodded.

"I'm fine... ano... Tenten-chama? Can I catch up to you in a couple minutes...?"

Tenten cocked her head for a second.

"Nande...?" She asked.

"Well... I..." Neji started, trying to think of something to say. "Oh, nothing... just go on, okay?"

"Well, alright... but, be sure to catch up, kay?" She smiled and leapt off, leaving Neji alone. The Hyuuga sighed and turned.

"...I have this strange feeling that someone already found her diary... and I'm not liking it..." He thought to himself aloud.

Meanwhile...

"Sasori no Danna... I think we're-"

"Don't say it!"

"But, I really think-"

"I said, DON'T SAY IT!"

"But, Sasooooriiii!"

"SILENCE!"

"..."

"...good..."

"...we're lo-"

"No. We're not."

"..."

"Don't... just, don't..."

"Lo-"

"No"

"los...-"

"No!"

"We'relostun!" Deidara spluttered really quickly. Sasori twitched.

"...I told you not to say that..."

"But... it's true un... We've passed that same tree twenty-three times now..."

Sasori stopped. He didn't ask anything. He just stopped and gaped at the blonde's stupidity.

"Deidara. All the trees look the same..."

"...yeah, so un?"

"...meaning we've passed twenty-three trees one time..."

"...oh...un"

Sasori shook his head and walked on, then stopped right before taking his second step. Deidara bumped into him and looked around his shoulder to see what he had stopped at.

"I am super squirrel..." Came a voice from above.

Sasori and Deidara looked around.

"FEAR MY SQUIRRLY WRATH!"

_Whoosh!_

Before the two Akatsuki nin knew what had hit them, a boy in a giant squirrel costume and a bunch of little flying squirrels beside him had swooped down from the unknown and snagged Tenten's diary.

"...who are you?" Sasori asked in a bored, yet surprised, voice to the 'squirrel avenger'.

"I AM NEJI: THE VIBRATING SQUIRREL OF DOOM! FEAR ME!" With that, Hyuuga Neji silently placed a vibrating squirrel plushie on the ground and leapt off into the unknown. Sasori and Deidara were silent as they listened to the soft 'brrrrrr' sound the squirrel was making. The semi-silence was broken when a screaming flash of green whooshed by them.

"GIVE ME BACK MY SQUIRRELS, HYUUGA!" Lee called, leaping after Neji.

Sasori and Deidara just stared on, clearly perplexed by what had just happened.

"...so...un..." Deidara said slowly, breaking the silence.

"..." Was Sasori's response.

* * *

"YES, I GOT IT!-!" The Hyuuga yelled, stripping his squirrel costume from his body. He slowly pet the diary in his hands, about ready to cry. "Oh, kami-sama... thank you for life...thank you for fate...thank you for Tenten...thank you for my ultimate squirrel powers...oh! And, thank you for vibrating objects..." He cooed softly, slowly molesting the small book with his hands. 

"Neji?"

The Hyuuga leapt nearly ten feet in the air and landed reverse sided and hissing. He suddenly stopped hissing when he saw it was Tenten...and that she was twitching.

"Neji-kun...why are you stroking that book?" The weapons mistress wondered, about ready to take a couple steps away. Neji twitched.

"Eheh...wh-what book?" He asked, slightly imitating Salad Fingers with his stroking. Tenten and Neji just looked at each other for a bit.

"Uh..." Tenten said slowly.

"...yeah..." Neji whispered.

"Uh... think we should...go back, maybe?"

"...OH MY GAWD! I LEFT MY HOUSE UNGUARDED WITH AKATSUKI AND...AND...AHHHH!" The Hyuuga suddenly realized, going into a mad-panic. Tenten sighed and did what every good girlfriend would do. She slapped him. Hard.

"...thank...you?" Neji questioned, blinking. Tenten nodded.

"Good boy..."

"TOBI'S A GOOD BOY!" They both heard the voice of Tobi say off in the distance.

"..." Were their responses.

* * *

Back at Neji's house... 

Everyone sat around the wide screen with popcorn and sodas, watching and laughing at the fan-made videos they were watching.

"Oh my GAWD!" Itachi cackled, flailing his arms madly and cry-laughing hysterically at the screen. Him and Kisame were now rofling.

On screen:

"Neji... I-I...can't..." Sasuke stuttered, blushing wildly.

"Don't worry, Sasu-kins... I'll go easy..." Neji's sinister voice sounded.

"O-oh!-! Oh, N-neji! A-ah!" Sasuke moaned. Neji slowly sucked on the Uchiha's cock. "Oh, N-Neji! I-I'm...I'm c-com...coming!"

End Clip

The crowd howled with laughter. Then, everything went silent.

"What...are...you...WATCHING!-?" Neji growled, an evil aura behind him. He and Tenten were now standing in the doorway. Everyone screamed and leapt about wildly.

"Wow...I never knew you were like that, Neji-kun..." Tenten blinked.

"WHAT!-? Wait a minute, I-"

"Whatever you do..." Itachi came up to Neji looking pissed, then knelt down and held the Hyuuga's hands like he was going to propose. "...I support your relationship one hundred percent..."

Everyone was silent. The crickets slowly chirped.

"Itachi-san...?"

"Yess'um?"

"...It's not like that...at all..."

Itachi blinked. "It's...not...?"

"...no...those are fan-made..."

Itachi was shocked. "WHAT!-?" He sprung up and struck a dramatic pose. "Fan-made!-? Who the hell makes that kind of shit up!-?"

"...the author of this fic..."

"...really?"

"Yeah, really..."

Itachi collapsed. "But... it was...so...BEAUTIFUL!"

"ITACHI-NII-SAN!"

Everyone turned to look at the staircase. A chibi Sasuke pranced down the stairs in a night-dress. The second he reached the bottom step, he turned normal again and got this serious look.

"S-Sas...uke...?" Itachi asked. Sasuke let his night dress sleeves fall down his shoulders, revealing a nicely toned chest...except...

"EEEK!" Everyone hollered.

Sasuke...was a hairy beast.

Then, he started singing...

"I'm...too sexy for my shirt-"

"NO!" Everyone hollered as he tried to pull off his shirt.

Neji stole this moment to go upstairs and put the diary he had retrieved in the safe he had bought the previous day (somehow).

"Oh my God... thank you..." The Hyuuga sighed relievedly and slid down on his back to the floor.

"YOU, UN!"

Suddenly, a vibrating squirrel of doom flew through Neji's window and landed at his feet, once again vibrating sinisterly and making that soft 'brrrr' sound.

"Eh...?" Neji questioned.

Sasori and Deidara leapt through the window in superhero costumes.

"We are... Konoha's Yellow Flash... RELEASED!" They chimed, a theme song playing interestingly in the background. Neji cringed.

"...dude... both of you need to not dress in spandex...I almost used my byakugan...and you know I altered it recently to see through clothing..."

"..."

Deidara and Sasori looked down and realized the wonders of spandex used in the lower areas.

"Oh, snap..." They both blushed wildly and covered their asses.

"YOU SHOULD USE METAL PANTS!" They all heard Sasuke call from downstairs. With that, Deidara and Sasori flew away, crash-landing about ten feet from the window. Neji rolled his eyes as he heard the 'ROAWR' of some foreign cat that had been knocked off it's railing with their descent.

"Well, I'd better go down and get everything in control now..." Neji smiled as he tucked the safe away where no one could find it.

* * *

Neji traipsed down the staircase to the first floor to find himself welcomed with a howl of laughter and the pitter-patter of a conga line, Itachi in the lead with a giant bowl of fruit on his head. Had everyone gone utterly insane? 

"Join in, mi'boy!" Itachi hollered, his tone raspy like an old mans. "Get off my lawn, you crazy kids!" He added quickly. Neji twitched once and leapt outside through his window, using his super-squirrel powers for the last time.

* * *

"How in the world did everything turn out like this...?" The Hyuuga whispered to himself, looking longingly at the star-stricken sky above him. The conga music was still playing loudly from inside the house. He rolled his eyes as he heard the familiar 'Yabadabadoo' of Kisame trying to imitate Fred Flintstone for the umpteenth time that night. 

"Neji-kun?"

The Hyuuga perked, turning his head around at the speed of light.

"Ah-!"

Neji and Tenten came nose to nose, both bright red in the last rays of moonlight as the sun became apparent over the horizon. The two looked away embarrassedly.

"Um..." Tenten broke the silence shakily, turning back to Neji with a smile on her face.

"Eheh...Um...yeah..." Neji laughed back, not sure what he was saying. The two stood in awkward silence, neither making a single move.

"T-Tenten?"

"Yeah?"

Neji looked back to her, eyes locked onto each other's. "...thanks...for everything..."

Tenten cocked her head. "Huh?"

"I mean...well..." The Hyuuga smiled. "You've done so much for me...I don't know...I guess I just wanted to say thanks, really..."

Tenten smiled widely. She had never felt happier.

"No problem..."

Neji felt her peck a quick kiss on his cheek, making his face flare in blush.

"Wha-wha-wha...!"

The weapons mistress giggled satisfactorily, seeming to have wanted that reaction. She turned towards him and took hold of his hands, interlocking her fingers with his.

"Neji. You're blushing," She snickered.

"MAMBO!"

Before Neji or Tenten could realize what was happening, a vibrating squirrel plushie was thrown out the window and hit Neji smack in the back of the head, causing him to fall straight into Tenten's lips, a kiss unfolding between the two.

Tenten's eyes struck wide, as did Neji's. The two sprung apart panting, Neji falling over and Tenten grabbing hold of a tree for support.

"Uhh...T-Tenten?" Neji blinked, eyes still wide as saucers.

"Y-yeah?"

"You okay?"

"...sure..." She whispered with a laugh.

"...betrayed by my own vibrator..." Neji cursed. Tenten looked towards him with a questioning look.

"V-vibrator...?" She gasped. Neji blinked, then suddenly understood.

"N-no! It's not like that! It's...the squirrel...and...it...um...!"

"MINE!" Lee and Gai swooped down from the treetops and stole Neji's "vibrator" from the ground, flying off once more.

"...does anyone else get the feeling this is getting a bit strange...?" Neji asked, wondering how in hell two nin could swoop down from the unknown then be gone. Genjutsu, maybe?

"Let's go inside?" Tenten asked, holding out her hand to the Hyuuga, who was still flat on the ground.

"Sure," Neji took hold and felt her pull him to his feet.

The sun was now well-risen, the party still raving inside. Didn't they ever quit?

* * *

A/N: Damn...is this fic ever going to end?...lol...review, please? And sorry it took so long...eheh...

Btw...I'm not dead... o.o! whoo? Hope I didn't lose any fans... T.T And...

ZOMFHSG!-!-!-!-!-!-!-! THE FILLERS ENDED!-!-!-!-!-!-!-! O.O!-!-!-!


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